by Rachel Zupek
KIT LEFFLEF
When he saw her at a mud volleyball game in ninth grade, Brett Buxton knew he was in trouble."For the first time it was like,'BAM,'I liked someone,"he says."I don't know what it was, everything from our conversation to the way we looked at each other clicked."
The fact that Debbie Slack, the object of his affection, had a boyfriend didn't matter to him. Buxton told Slack that he would do whatever it took to win her heart — six and a half years later, the two Lawrence seniors are still together.
With today's high divorce rates (50 percent, according to the National Center for Health), some people are leery about the success of high school relationships in — and after — college.
While these relationships face tough issues, the odds of success might not be that different than couples who begin a relationship at other times in their lives, says Christopher Richmond, doctoral student at Counseling and Psychological Services. Couples that meet in high school and have a longer courtship might actually have a lower divorce rate because they have a mature understanding of relationships, he says.
Students frequently want to keep dating their high school sweetheart when they get
to college, but they also want the option of exploring new opportunities, like dating someone new, says John Wade, psychologist at CAPS. If couples have clear expectations of what they expect to change, it's easier on the relationship, he says.
Peer pressure to date other people before settling down is common for high school sweethearts. Even when a relationship is going well, students sometimes are concerned if they haven't dated people other than their partner, Wade says.
"If you date a lot of people, you have the advantage of lots of experiences, and you know better what sort of individuals you get along with," he says. "But if you jump around too much, you make the trade-off of not having experience in a long-term relationship."
When Bucyrus seniors Meagan Davidson and Jordan Henderson (high school sweethearts and soon-to-be husband and wife) came to college together four years ago, they invited the changes in their relationship. "We said we were going to meet new people, do new things and not just stick together," Davidson says. "It really helped our relationship."
Buxton's fraternity brothers told him it wasn't "cool" to have a girlfriend. He says
that he considered their arguments — but decided Slack was worth sticking with.
Davidson has a different opinion. She says she and her fiancé don't regret having only dated each other. "It's like one-stop shopping," she says, jokingly. "I'm just lucky to have met him when I was 16."
Pressure to date other people in college is an issue high school sweethearts face when they come to college. "Students believe that they must have many dating experiences prior to finding 'the one,'" Richmond says.
Buxton says there's always the "what if?" factor when considering he's only dated Slack, but it's nothing compared to all the positive things about their relationship. "If something's good, there's no need to change it," he says.
With graduation looming, high school sweethearts face another issue: where does the relationship go from here? Unless they plan on moving to the same place, couples face the challenge of maintaining a long distance relationship. It's easier to misinterpret a partner's emotions when not actually interacting with them, Wade says.
Buxton says his future with Slack is unknown, but the plan is to be together. "Oh for sure," he says, "Debbie's my gal."
KEYS TO A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP
Relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall looks at the seven essentials that spell success.
➡ Love yourself — if you don't, no one else will.
*Like your partner — if you genuinely like each other, enjoy being together, agree with how each other thinks and behaves, love isn't far away.*
→Make quality time — the less time you spend together, the more likely you are to drift apart.
➢Communicate — talking is the only way to let your partner know who you are and what you want.
- Argue well — a good argument is an opportunity to share your feelings and strengthen your bond by reaching a decision you're both happy with.
Touch every day — Touching is a vital human need. Being caressed releases natural opiates in the brain, as well as the chemical oxytocin, which is essential for human pair-bonding.
$\Rightarrow$ Accept change — in successful relationships, couples learn to adapt and change together. They accept that change is an inevitable part of human life and support each other, for better for worse.
Source: www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/
04.13.2006 JAYPLAY
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