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Does sex get in the way?
The 1989 film When Harry Met Sally, starring Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan, asked whether men and women can be just friends. It won an Oscar for best screenplay.
Can men and women be just friends?
by Kristen Maxwell
Ross and Rachel started out as friends, but fell in love. So did Monica and Chandler. Even Jerry and Elaine crossed the "platonic relationship" line and slept together during Seinfeld.
So maybe Harry was right when he met Sally and concluded that men and women can never be just friends — the sex part always gets in the way.
The question of whether men and women can ever really be friends isn't just black and white, says Les Parrott, professor of psychology at Seattle Pacific University and a Families Northwest Relationship specialist, along with his wife Leslie Parrott.
It really depends on the people, the Parrotts say. Men gain a different level of intimacy from a friendship with women than women do from a friendship with a man, they say.
of romance for both men and women that greatly change the relationship.
"Men report a level of nurturing that they cannot get from relationships with other men,"Les Parrott says.
Emily Akers, Shawnee Mission sophomore, says it's these feelings that can ruin a platonic friendship. She says she would urge someone to not tell a friend about romantic feelings for them unless the person is absolutely sure that the feelings are reciprocated.
Hesaymen can show their weaknesses and not feel they are being judged. This intimate connection can lead to feelings
"It's happened to me before, and I ended up feeling bad that the feelings weren't mutual." Akers says. "We weren't friends after that."
Besides confessing feelings for one another, Akers also warns, sex will change relationships altogether and often ruins them. She thinks, however, that most guys are looking for laid-back girls to be friends with and not a romantic relationship at all.
Brandon, Arkansas senior, sees things differently. He admits that every guy thinks of their platonic girl friends in a sexual way at least once during the relationship.
"we guys, it hard not to," he says.
Despite differing views, Leslie Parrott
says that for most people, a "just friends" relationship is possible. However, she says, it requires a maturity and an ability to grow in ways that are not necessary with same-sex friendships.
"We've thought long and hard about this issue," she says. "We've listened to
many people's stories and read all the research. And we have concluded that yes, it is possible for these friendships to work."
So enjoy being "just friends" with the opposite sex and prove Harry wrong by not letting sex get in the way.