The perks and pains of a sibling following you to school
by Stefanie Graves
As students, we deal with countless school, work and social responsibilities, but some have to deal with an additional variable when a sibling decides to attend the same university.
Many younger siblings feel more comfortable going to school with an older brother or sister because of the sense of familiarity, says Dr. Scott Stacey, a licensed psychotherapist at Acumen Assessments, 901 Kentucky St. An older sibling can "represent feelings of attachment, familiarity or an ease that the student felt growing up," he says.
But it's not always easy playing big brother.
"it's a challenge sometimes, having a younger brother here," says Rob Werling. Fort Scott graduate student. Although he and his sophomore brother, Brett, were fairly close growing up, Rob has had to make some adjustments to accommodate his brother's presence at KU.
The most difficult thing was making his parents understand that, while he was excited to have Brett in Lawrence, he didn't want to feel responsible for his
brother's decisions, he says, Still, Rob says that instincts sometimes kick in.
"I feel like I have to make sure things are going well for him, that his experience is up to his expectations," he says.
The sacrifices he's made were well worth it, Rob says. After living together, the brothers are closer than ever and Rob considers Brett one of his best friends. "It's been fun to live together without parents. I've learned a lot about my brother and he's taught me a lot about myself," he says.
Rivalries and having someone always looking over your shoulder can make being the younger sibling just as difficult.
Brett wanted to live in a dorm his freshman year. When his plans fell through, Rob let his brother stay with him and his roommates. Two years later, the brothers are still living together.
Ted Diepenbrock, Liberal junior, says he was excited when his older brother, George, decided to attend KU for graduate school, but that it can be hard having an older brother at the same university.
George can be patronizing, Ted says.
When a friend accidentally put a gash in Ted's head after goofing around, Ted got scolded.
It's common for siblings to develop specific personality roles, such as being the protector, Dr. Vera Rabie-Azoory says. When two siblings are close in age, one usually takes on the parenting role, says Rabie-Azoory in her online column The Truth About the Family Favorite.
It's not always easy, but having a built-in support system and someone nearby who cares has made the college experience better. Rob and Ted say. Although they've had to overcome a few hurdles, both are happy to have a brother in Lawrence.
George Diepienbrock says it's always been that way with his younger brother. On New Year's Eve, he showed up at a party to check on Ted and hung around to make sure his brother had a safe ride home.
"Our relationship wouldn't have been as close if we'd gone to different schools, definitely. It's been an experience that's affected the bond we have now and the bond we'll have throughout life," Rob savs.
Blood is thicker than conflict...
Rivalry isn't something that only kids deal with. Jealousy and competition follow many siblings into adulthood. Some of the factors that lead to sibling rivalry include:
- Stress - Stress in the life of one or both siblings can shorten fuses and cause conflict.
- Parents – if parents don't adequately teach siblings, as children, how to deal with stress, rivalries can be heightened.
- *The desire for Individuality - During college, young adults struggle to define who they are as an individual. Participating in different activities and pursuing different interests is essential.
- Attention - When friends or family don't give each sibling the same amount of attention and recognize individual achievements, it's easy for rivalries to develop.
Source: University of Michigan Health System, med.umich.edu
03. 30.2006 3AYPLAY <13