SPEAK
Happily ever after... finally
The tale of a bride who never wed by Stefanie Graves
Two months before my wedding day, my Reem Acra couture wedding gown was up for sale on E-bay and my fiancé was living with another woman.
The night I met him, he was sitting on the edge of a pool table, drinking a bottle of beer. When a mutual friend introduced us, I hardly took notice. We were in a crowded bar and he seemed to be the quiet, almostsilent type; you know, the kind of guy who just seamlessly blends into the background.
background.
It wasn't until a few hours later that he sat down next to me and offered to buy me a beer. We carried on with small talk for a few minutes, then he turned to me and asked, "Will you go to my formal with me next weekend?" Against my better judgment, I said yes. It was that weekend that I fell in love with the tall, mysterious man whom I hadn't noticed the week before.
Three years later, that same man got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. On the bridge in front of the Campanile after a terrible snowstorm, he said that he loved me and asked if I would be with him forever. His nose was red from the cold and his outstretched arm was shaking. I will never forget that night.
I will also never forget the evening his friend showed up unannounced on my doorstep and confessed that my fiancé had been unfaithful. It was like getting punched in the stomach; had to sit down.
When we broke up, he denied ever cheating on me. But a couple of weeks later I heard that he had moved in with the other woman. What was I supposed to think? How is someone supposed to react to this kind of news? Here I was, trying to figure out what to do with a caterer, a videographer and $3,000 worth of flowers I'd never get to use. And he was busy, supposedly, moving into her apartment?
I spent those first few months after the breakup in a mixed state of shock and despair. I didn't sleep for three days and I lost 17 pounds in just over a week. Everything that I had held to be true wasn't true more. Although I put on a brave face every time someone asked what had happened (you never realize how many people know you're getting married until you're not), I was a mess inside.
I doubted every part of my being. All the reasons why he could have
possibly chosen her over me went circling through my head in never-ending rotation. I wasn't pretty enough for him and my hair wasn't just right. I had spent too much time concentrating on my schoolwork and hadn't said I love you enough. I didn't make him feel needed. I just wasn't enough.
After nervously retaking my seat.
I shot into the ladies room for a quick panic attack. To my horror, I returned to find the happy couple now sitting at my table. Who did they think they were? This was my night out and, up until then, I had been having a really good time.
Then, in a chance encounter, everything changed. A mutual friend invited me to a graduation party, which quickly turned into a night of drunken happiness at a nearby bar. There I was, sitting at a table, light-headed and sipping on my third Cape Cod, when my ex and his new girlfriend walked in and approached our table. My heart jumped into my throat.
I took the opportunity to size up this new woman. She was tall, with a solid frame and dirty-blond hair. She was outgoing and talkative, like me. She sat close to him and rubbed his upper thigh with her hand. For some reason, I began to see myself in her. So, 10 excruciating minutes and another Cape Cod later, I decided to do something that surprised even me. I reached my hand across the table and introduced myself to her.
We didn't magically become best friends and introducing myself didn't take away all of the hurt and resentment I still felt inside, but it was at that point when I started to heal. I proved to myself that I could stay strong through even the most difficult situation. That deep down inside I am not only a loving person, but someone with dignity and self-respect.
And hindsight is a magical thing. It's taught me some very important lessons about love and life over the past year. First, there is a perfect man
for me out there, somewhere, but my ex wasn't him. This experience has given me a better understanding of the kind of man I want to spend the rest of my life with and the kind of man that doesn't deserve a second glance.
Second, the best in people comes out in the worst of times. In the last 12 months, I've formed tighter relationships with my family and closest friends than I could have ever imagined. I've learned that a mother sheds the most tears when her child is hurting. I've learned that a brother will turn his back on a friendship and fraternity brother to defend his older sister. And that a best friend sometimes has to delete your ex's number from her cell phone so that she can't call him to cuss him out.
Third, as cliché as it might sound, hindsight has taught me that there are no promises in life, and that you should never stop looking for that one, true love.
02. 23.2006 JAYPLAY <19