SPEAK
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LOVE AND LOSS
Contributed photo
TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE TIME YOU HAVE WITH LOVED ONES BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE
He sat there, not moving much, smiling faintly through looks of exhaustion and embarrassment. His once strong, defined arms now hung limply by his side, his bony hands rested on his lap. The arms that used to scoop me up and toss me in the air could now barely lift his small glass of water. The only familiar thing now were his caramel-colored eyes. That was the last day I saw my grandpa, about a month before he died of small cell carcinoma, a type of Esophageal cancer associated with the lungs.
My older brother, Alex, sat next to me on the couch, doing his best to avoid conversation. I admired this task. Somehow, I couldn't seem to master it. His only words were triggered by my grandma's cat Fluffy, who is rightly nicknamed "The Crazy Cat" by every other member in the family because of her tendency to run up to anyone at anytime and attack them. "She doesn't do it to me so you guys must be doing something to antagonize her," my grandma routinely says in Fluffy's defense.
My mom, like usual, kept herself busy by treating me like a child, persistently asking me if I'd like something to eat or drink as if I didn't know where the kitchen was. "No, Mom. If I want something I'll get it, okay?" It was a family joke that my mom babied me at every family dinner we had — one that my older cousins loved to point out every chance they got.
That Saturday afternoon in June at my grandparents' house in Gate, Okla., was just like any other. My aunt's family showed up an hour late, something we had all grown accustomed to. It seemed like my family and her family took turns showing up "fashionably late" to every forced family get-together we had.
The rest of the family stood around in the kitchen and the living room trying their best to make small talk. Every so often my younger cousins would bring in baskets full of giant, red tomatoes and bright green cucumbers as long as my arm for everyone to see. My grandpa started gardening when my grandparents moved to Oklahoma, but once he lost all his strength he couldn't keep up with it anymore. His once neat
Continued photo
loved ones Before she
died of small cell carcinoma.
Jacquie loved the time she
spent with her grandpa —
her only regret was that
there was no more.
and manicured garden was now running wild with overgrown vegetables and weeds.
Everybody's objective, especially mine, was to avoid the reason we were all there. My family does not like family get-togethers. We aren't one of those families who gather at someone's house, break out the board games and have a good time. When we do get together, it's always for a cause: Thanksgiving, Christmas or someone's graduation. That particular Saturday's cause was my grandpa. Everyone knew he wasn't doing well and what better way to acknowledge that than to have a family dinner.
I watched my grandpa get sicker during that time. At first, we ate lunch together, usually leftovers from the night before. Eventually, he stopped eating with me. I could see his body changing. He was getting thinner, weaker and even seemed to be getting shorter. He blamed it on the chemotherapy and radiation treatments. "I'm just not feeling too good today, but I bet tomorrow will be better," he would often say.
I watched my grandpa closely as everyone made their plates. He would have never admitted it, but I could see the sadness in his eyes. He had a look of defeat. I knew this look well. I'd seen it many times during the year and a half he was sick.
Before my grandparents moved to Gate, Okla. they lived in Garden City, Kan. I was attending Garden City Community College at the time. Because I still lived at home in Deerfield, Kan., which was 25 minutes from school, my grandma insisted I come over and eat lunch with my grandpa during the week while she picked up my cousin from school. At first, I loved it. I got to avoid the long drive-thru lines and save money at the same time. I also got to spend time with my grandpa. He knew I had quizzes on current events at school, so each day when I walked through the door he would be propped up in his recliner, remote in hand, listening closely to every word the newscaster said. "Did you see what happened today? I bet that will be on your quiz," he said.
Tomorrow didn't get better. In fact, it only got worse. He eventually stopped eating solid food altogether. His doctor advised him to drink special shakes with a fat supplement added to them to make him gain weight. They didn't help. I think he spent more time throwing them up than actually drinking them. The house took on a permanent sick smell, but I wanted to see my grandpa so I ignored it.
I couldn't, however, ignore the sadness I felt seeing my grandpa so sick. I eventually stopped going to my grandparents' house for lunch. I found myself making excuse after excuse for not going: I was too busy with school, I had to work on the magazine over my lunch break or I had to take one test or another. I will always regret not going because I can't have those days back.
I was on a camping trip in Colorado last
July with friends when my mother called with the news of my grandpa's death. I didn't know what to say or how to act. All I could do was cry. I knew it would happen eventually, but I still wasn't prepared for it.
It's been more than a year since my grandpa passed away and not a day goes by that I don't think about him. I will forever cherish the moments we spent together, but I regret not getting to spend more time with him. There is never enough time you can spend with someone you love. Because of my grandpa, I don't take for granted the time I get to spend with my family now. I even look forward to our family get-togethers.
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tited by Abby Davenport
BY JUSTINE PATTON jpatton@kansan.com
Many college students think they are too young to worry about breast cancer. But Jenny McKee, a health educator at the Wellness Resource Center in Watkins Memorial Health Center, said breast cancer doesn't only affect moms, aunts and grandmas — college students are at risk too.
"One in four women are affected by breast cancer at some point in their lives," McKee said. "When we look at that depiction and how many females are on campus, it's quite alarming how many students are going to be affected by breast cancer."
But there is good news as well. According to the American Cancer Society, death rates from breast cancer have declined significantly among women younger than 50 since 1990.
In order to continue this trend, Patty Quinlan, the nursing supervisor at Watkins Memorial Health Center, said women needed to
continue to take control of their breast health.
Quinlan said one of the main steps young women can take is to pencil a breast self-exam into their schedules once a month. Quinlan said women should have started doing monthly breast self-exams when their breasts started to develop, which is about age 13. Exams need to be done on a regular basis to be effective.
Heather Steinle, a senior from Olathe, said although she knows how to do a breast self-exam, she has never done them on a regular basis.
"Things get busy, and it just doesn't happen." Steinle said.
Breast self-exams are easy to learn how to do, and only take about five minutes to complete.
Quinlan said while women are doing breast self-exams, there are a few red flags they should be on the lookout for, such as lumps.
"It's so easy to do preventative measures that you would have to ask yourself, 'Why not?' Quinlan said.
These lumps will not be visibly noticeable, which is why it's important to do monthly breast exams so women know what their normal tissue feels like, Quinlan said.
Discharge from the nipple or any discolorations on the breast are two other signs that something could be wrong. While these symptoms do not always mean breast cancer, Quinlan said students should still check in with their doctors to make sure everything is OK.
"If anything has appeared that wasn't there before, it needs to be checked out by your physician right away," Quinlan said. "Then, if the physicians tells them that it's normal, then they've learned something."
Quinlan said the rest of the steps college-aged women could take to protect themselves from breast cancer included the basics: a good night's sleep, less stress, regular exercise and good nutrition.
Edited by Lisa Curran
Ben Pirotte/KANSAN
VOLLEYBALL|10A
A sign marking the annual fundraising event "Greek in Pink" hangs on a tree outside Wescoe Hall. The event is organized by all 45 chapters in all four greek councils. They participate by donating a ribbon. This ribbon represents Sigma Kappa sorority. Proceeds from the event benefit Lawrence Memorial Hospital.
Saturday's game about more than volleyball
Proceeds from the match against Iowa State will go to breast cancer research. The match is part of Jayhawks for a Cure, a series of Kansas sporting events that aims to raise money and awareness.
Listening to the bells toll on campus
ARTS | 3A
Elizabeth Berghout, resident carillonneur, has decided to play at the Camparile twice a week on Tuesdays and Thursdays, instead of once on Sundays, as she did last year.
PARKING | 3A
Parking permit rules frustrate some faculty
Switching near-campus lots from yellow to blue leaves students with fewer options. But it also closes parking lots to certain faculty and staff.
INDEX
Classifieds. ...8B
Crossword. ...4A
Cryptoquips. ...4A
Opinion. ...5A
Sports. ...10A
Sudoku. ...4A
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