CONTACT
♥
Alex Perel sits down at the coffee shop. She is wearing shorts and a t-shirt with an oversized zip-up jacket with "USMC," (United States Marine Corps) printed across it. She smiles and loans back, ready to talk. She looks down at her engagement ring and talks about getting married after college. "Jason's term of service with the Marines is up in December so probably soon after that. I can't wait." she says.
Perel, Overland Park junior, and her fiance, Jason Jones, 22, have been engaged for a little more than a year and a half and battle the stresses of having a military relationship everyday. Young soldiers constantly walk among students in the KU crowd. Making a relationship work in college is difficult, but military couples face other issues such as long-distance communication, an obligation to military duties and possible deployment. While dating someone in the military may seem dreyly and romantic, it actually takes a vast amount of time and dedication.
Though being engaged to someone in the Marine Corps is anything but easy, Perel's situation is a bit easier than most. Unlike some Marines, Jones will not be getting deployed since he is in the Marine Band. Perel is thankful she will never have to go through the anxieties of a deployment, but still thinks she can relate to other military couples. "Sure people were surprised at how young I was when we got engaged but when I go on base with him, I see how young some of the other girlfriends and wives are. Some of them already have a kid or two. Not only that, but other military couples have to deal with the same essential things Jason and I deal with—long distance and sporadic visits," Perel says.
LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD
On top of being in a long-distance, military relationship, Perel also has to balance school. She admits there are times when she neglects
her assignments to gain more time with Jones. "Instead of doing homework, I would rather talk to him on the phone all night since we don't get to see each other that much. There have definitely been times when I have sacrificed my homework to talk to him," Perel says.
Though not graduating with all of his friends will be rough on Drake, he has managed to find the silver lining in the situation. His time in the service has helped point him in the direction of a career after he leaves the Army. "I really enjoy medicine. Where most college students graduate after four years with very little real world experience, I am already certified and practicing as an emergency healthcare
Balancing school with Army duties is not as easy for Drake. Since he enlisted in 2008 and is also in a deployment he is two years behind academically. "All of the friends I had freshman year will be graduating as seniors this year, whereas I just finished my sophomore year. It's difficult to miss out on all of that. All of my friends will be gone by the time I return from my deployment," Drake says.
Army Specialist Austin Drake, Lawrence junior, is in a different boat than Perel. He is currently in his deployment in Dijbouti, Africa, in support of Operation Enduring Freedom. His schoolwork is on hold while he completes his tour for the Army. He and his girlfriend, Marie Biggs, Omaha senior, have been together for more than a year and they think communication is the hardest part. The couple is barely able to video chat because the Internet connection on camp is so slow. "It turns what would typically be a nice opportunity to talk and see each other into a frustrating series of intermittent conversations," Drake says. He says he tries to call her at least once a day, but the lines to use the phones are long, phone cards aren't cheap and there is no privacy.
MILITARY COUPLES MAKE IT WORK
ELLEN SHEFTEL
professional while deployed," Drake says.
Tanya Biank is the author of Army Wives, which inspired the same-named Lifetime television show. Aside from writing about military marriages, Biank is also in one. In her experience with young soldiers, she thinks the biggest problem young military couples face is understanding that there are three parts to the relationship: the two people and the military. "Many times the Army will have to come first. It has nothing to do with lack of love and commitment, but everything to do with selfless service to one's country," she says.
Biank points out how many military wives and girlfriends feel like the husband or boyfriend should be spending more time with them before deployment. Biank says the soldier may be acting this way because he is too "mission-focused" or emotionally removing himself from the relationship in hopes to make the good-bye easier.
Biank stresses that it is important to understand the upcoming anxieties of the deployment date. "It's common to argue about it and for nerves to be on edge. There is a saying in the Army, 'the sooner they leave, the sooner they come home.' Knowing the deployment date is approaching is difficult for everyone and in some ways can be harder than the actual deployment," Biank says.
Perel thinks two people who are starting a military relationship should be prepared for some long nights. "There are definitely times when it feels impossible, but you just have to try and balance your relationship with the rest of your life in order to stay level," she says.
Drake says trust is crucial. "You have to be in a good place in your relationship prior to deploying, because your problems are only going to amplify from there. It takes a lot of love," he says. Though a military relationship
can cause plenty of headaches, Drake says it is still worth it. "I'm in love with the girl, and while I don't like being away from her, I'd rather be going through this with her than without."
BEFORE DEPLOYMENT, CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING STEPS:
Emotional Regulation: Understand your emotions to make communication better.
communication: Actively listen and speak to one another while addressing individual concerns.
Problem Solving: Recognize an issue and come up with ways to fix or better the problem.
Goal Setting: Make small goals to achieve. Managing Deployment Reminders: Remember the date of an upcoming deployment and actively deal with any anxieties.
The F.O.C.U.S project, or Families Over Coming Under Stress, is a service started by the Bureau of Medicine and Surgery that provides resiliency training to military families. The project teaches practical skills that help with deployments and the return after a deployment.
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BY JUSTINE PATTON
jpatton@kansan.com
by Davenport
Many college students think they are too young to worry about breast cancer. But Jenny McKee, a health educator at the Wellness Resource Center in Watkins Memorial Health Center, said breast cancer doesn't only affect moms, aunts and grandmas — college students are at risk too.
"One in four women are affected by breast cancer at some point in their lives," McKee said. "When we look at that depiction and how many females are on campus, it's quite alarming how many students are going to be affected by breast cancer."
In order to continue this trend, Patty Quinlan, the nursing supervisor at Watkins Memorial Health Center, said women needed to
But there is good news as well. According to the American Cancer Society, death rates from breast cancer have declined significantly among women younger than 50 since 1990.
continue to take control of their breast health.
Quinlan said one of the main steps young women can take is to pencil a breast self-exam into their schedules once a month. Quinlan said women should have started doing monthly breast self-exams when their breasts started to develop, which is about age 13. Exams need to be done on a regular basis to be effective.
Heather Steinle, a senior from Olathe, said although she knows how to do a breast self-exam, she has never done them on a regular basis.
"Things get busy, and it just doesn't happen," Steinle said.
Breast self-exams are easy to learn how to do, and only take about five minutes to complete.
Quinlan said while women are doing breast self-exams, there are a few red flags they should be on the lookout for, such as lumps.
"It's so easy to do preventative measures that you would have to ask yourself, 'Why not?' Quinlan said.
These dumps will not be visibly noticeable, which is why it is important to do monthly breast exams so women know what their normal tissue feels like, Quinlan said.
Discharge from the nipple or any discolorations on the breast are two other signs that something could be wrong. While these symptoms do not always mean breast cancer, Quinlan said students should still check in with their doctors to make sure everything is OK.
Quinlan said the rest of the steps college-aged women could take to protect themselves from breast cancer included the basics: a good night's sleep, less stress, regular exercise and good nutrition.
"If anything has appeared that wasn't there before, it needs to be checked out by your physician right away," Quinlan said. "Then, if the physicians tells them that it's normal, then they've learned something."
Edited by Lisa Curran
Ben Pirotte/KANSAN
A sign marking the annual fundraising event "Greek in Pink" hangs on a tree outside Wescce Hall. The event is organized by all 45 chapters in all four greek councils. They participate by donating a ribbon. This ribbon represents Sigma Kappa sorority. Proceeds from the event benefit Lawrence Memorial Hospital.
Proceeds from the match against Iowa State will go to breast cancer research. The match is part of layhawks for a Cure, a series of Kansas sporting events that aims to raise money and awareness.
VOLLEYBALL | 10A
Saturday's game about more than volleyball
Listening to the bells toll on campus
Elizabeth Berghout, resident carillonneur, has decided to play at the Campanile twice a week on Tuesdays and Thursdays, instead of once on Sundays, as she did last year.
ARTS | 3A
Parking permit rules frustrate some faculty
Switching near-campus lots from yellow to blue leaves students with fewer options. But it also closes parking lots to certain faculty and staff.
PARKING | 3A
INDEX
Classifieds. .8B
Crossword. .4A
Cryptoquips. .4A
Opinion. .5A
Sports. .10A
Sudoku. .4A
WEATHER
TODAY
89 50
Sunny
SATURDAY
86 51
SUNDAY
Sunny
82 51
Thunderstorms
All contents, unless stated otherwise, © 2010 The University Daily Kansan