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SUPPLEMENT TO THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN, APRIL 30,1986
AD GOOD 4-30-86 THRU 5-6-86 AT FOOD BARN IN LAWRENCE, KANSAS
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University Life
Good ears hear feelings too
By Grant Butler Kansan Magazine writer
from the raucous whine of a heavy metal rock singer to the whispers of an intimate conversation in the dark corner of a romantic restaurant, cascades of voices surround us everyday.
everyday.
No matter where someone might go, the sound of voices probably will follow.
professor of social
work. With active listening, a person needs to understand both the ideas and the feelings of the speaker, and then let them know that the information is understood, Sterling said.
follow.
But in conversations or in the classroom, there is a difference between hearing a voice and actively listening to what is being said, according to Stanley Sterling, associate professor of social welfare.
action is understated.
"Active listening means that you
need to feel you're feeling
something." Sterling said. "When
the real communication going on
there are two components — facts
and feelings."
Both the teacher and the student need to listen actively to each other, said Rick Spano, associate professor of social welfare.
or so much that would go into any class on this University and find students who are asleep," he said. "It might be a reflection of their lack of interest or it might be a problem in the way the material is being presented."
When students have questions about something said, they should ask them. Spano said. Otherwise the learning process gets bogged down.
"Sometimes you need to interrupt to effectively understand what they're saying or that they may have gotten off," he said.
The idea that it's rude to interrupt someone when they are speaking doesn't conform with the concepts of active listening, Sterling said.
"A skilled listener will listen as long as necessary to understand the feeling that's being conveyed and the information back in." Sterling said.
By letting a speaker go on when questions have come up, a listener becomes less involved in the said and will understand less, he
If someone lets a speaker ramble on, Spano said, a lot of information can be missed. Someone might be talking about an earlier statement.
statement:
Improving listening skills doesn't matter, he said. But often the problems people have relate to an inability to listen to others, so becoming an active listener is the first step in resolving the problems.
spamish talk" think people don't care about them and refuse to listen to them," he said. "When you start to listen it scares them because it shakes their own belief system about how the world operates."
Being listened to is hard for some people to accept because they might not have been listened to for years. Spano said.
The failure to communicate in marriages is often not a failure to convey ideas, but feelings, Sterling said.
Wednesday, April 30, 1986
"When you have a married couple where one or the other or both aren't listening you'll get argumentative responses rather than feeling responses," Sterling said.
"When people say 'You don't understand,' they're trying to say 'You don't understand the feelings I'm expressing.'"
"Men typically aren't taught what love or intimacy is," Sterling said.
To save a marriage that is failing because of inability to understand feelings, couples first have to want to talk, the other is saying. Sterling said.
in expressing. Marriage problems are often a result of the failure of men to understand feelings, he said. Society places too much emphasis on the need for men to be rational and not emotional.
For some people, the act of listening is threatening because it is a new experience. Sterling said. They may never have had to listen actively to other people's feelings before.
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