8
Friday, May 1, 1987 / University Daily Kansan
Aids
Continued from p. 1
"I thought, maybe in New York or San Francisco, but not in the place where I lived," he said. "I didn't educate myself about the disease. I was very young and very promiscuous."
Doug was diagnosed as having ARC in another state. He had just turned 21 at the time. He said he knew of one man who he contracted the disease from, but others probably infected him, too.
"I didn't realize they were standing there," I took a lot of stand risks then.
He contacted many of his sexual partners to warn them of their possible infection, so they could be examined. But he was unable to reach many others.
"A lot of them were one night stands, and I didn't even know their first names."
Living with ARC
After his diagnosis, he went through a process of denial, Doug said. He accepted the fact that he had ARC, but he just wouldn't allow himself to think about it.
Doug's denial of the reality of his disease carried over into his daily life. He still would go out to dinner with other AIDS patients after having tests at the hospital. he said.
"At least I wasn't alone that way," he said. "When I was alone I thought that maybe I was the only one who was that sick."
For those reasons he almost became dependent on the hospital, Doug said. The hospital staff treated him nicely, but he still cried once or twice when he was alone, he said.
Doug's fight with ARC actually began in 1983 when he contracted hepatitis for two or three months. In 1984, he came down with an unidentified virus and ran a 104-degree temperature for five or six days.
In January 1985, Doug was told by doctors that he had lymphopathy. That led to the diagnosis of ARC.
During the next year, Doug dealt with rashes on the back of his ears, neck, hands and arms. The rashes are distinctive marks of the presence of AIDS antibodies. In January, doctors detected thrush in Doug's mouth and throat.
He has had to formulate policies for himself since his diagnosis, including policies dealing with his sexual activity, Doug said. He had safe sex with partners, meaning both would wear condoms, even after his diagnosis, he said. But Doug won't engage in sex anymore because he doesn't want to infect anyone.
Since he moved back to Kansas after the diagnosis, Doug has had two lovers.
Doug shared an apartment with his first lover. He said the arrangement didn't work out because he wasn't the kind of person who liked to share bathroom space and other things. The relationship didn't break up because of his disease, Doug said.
Doug doesn't think his current relationship will survive much longer. He and his lover live quite far from each other, which creates a difference because Doug is too weak physically to drive the long distance to see him.
"Besides, he can't drop his work and come running to me everytime I become ill or have to go into the hospital." he said.
Doug has to make frequent trips to the hospital because of his ARC.
"I'm supposed to see a doctor every six months," he said. "But I always go in to see him before then with something wrong."
Doug said he and his lover still could sleep in the same bed and dry kiss.
"We can french kiss or have oral and anal sex though." Doud said
His disease is becoming progressively worse, weaking daily his immune system. He is 5 feet 5 inches and weighs 110 pounds. He used to weigh 135 to 140 pounds. He now trembles constantly and fights a chronic cough, possibly from his excessive smoking. He said he frequently became depressed and had even contemplated suicide.
But Doug said he won't give up on life. He's fighting hard against the disease. Unlike many AIDS victims, Doug still feels he has hope to live, even though his doctors say he will eventually die of AIDS, even if not for another decade.
Doug suffered a large backset last month when he had to undergo surgery to reconstruct a part of his rectum.
Fortunately, Doug has not had to worry about being absent from work during his frequent visits to the hospital. Because he served for two years in the armed forces, he is categorized as militarily disabled and receives benefits from the government. Doug left the armed forces shortly after he was diagnosed with ARC.
Doug now fills his days by doing personal shopping, paying bills, socializing with friends and taking one-hour sitz baths in warm water to soothe his body after his recent operation.
He also has the support of his family to get him through each day. Relationships with friends also have become longer and much deeper, he said.
Doug has refused to give up hope and is making plans for the future.
Still hoping
By the end of May or the first part of June, he will begin AZT treatments, an experimental treatment that some researchers say may prolong the lives of AIDS victims. He said he is very excited about the possibility of the treatment and trying hard not to think about its possible side effects, which can include vomiting, muscle aches and fever.
Doug also is becoming more involved in the Topeka AIDS Project.
Gale Gardner, social worker at the Topeka VA, who is a resource person for people with Human Immunodeficient Virus, or HIV, infections at the VA and a member of the TAP board. She is also active in the weekly TAP support group meeting for people with AIDS and ARC.
Doug also has been nominated to serve on the TAP board of directors as a "consumer of services" because he has ARC, Gardner said.
"Doug is a bright, articulate, warm, caring and concerned individual who will well represent the needs of a wide range of client interest," she said.
Doug said he thought the Topeka AIDS Project was the best of its kind.
HHS Project was the best of his work.
It has to be rough on the course.
lors who work with people who are dying, though, because they quickly become more than acquaintances," he said.
Doug also is working on a hospital video that won the award about what work it is transgender.
"When I was recently in the hospital for surgery, the housekeeping staff was afraid to clean my room. Some RNs had to end up doing it," he said.
Doug said he understood the staff's concerns because they frequently had to deal with his feces and blood. "I don't have a video would calm, some of their fears."
The hospital incident didn't bother Doug.
"I've had to deal with prejudice, sexual prejudice, all of my life."
Because he is only a high-school graduate, Doug plans to enter a vocational/technical school in January. He also is supposed to get a job this fall if his health holds up, he said. He said he also wants to go to college.
He wants to find a man with whom he is comfortable, possibly someone who has ARC, he said. Doug said he was coming into bed in sleeping in bed with his partner.
"We might possibly have safe sex, but more than likely we would just sleep together," he said.
Doug said his promiscuous years, "I wish I'd been more grown
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He wished he could speak to people who are not practicing safe sex, he
"I would say, 'Please people, it’s not worth going through all this. When you’re sick, it’s hell.'"
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