CONTACT
GOING THE DISTANCE
COUPLES COPE WITH LESS FACE-TIME.
ELLEN SHEFTEL
Sweet Separation: Although being apart may pose challenges for couples in long distance relationships, with a lot of communication and trust, the relationship can grow and prosper.
Meredith Oline hears her phone ring and rushes to answer it. She beams when she sees it's her boyfriend, Shane Konicki, a senior at Wichita State University.
Since phone calls between the couple are few and far between, Olney, sophomore at KU, enjoys each one. Olney, like many other KU students, is involved in a long distance relationship. Making time to talk to a partner who lives elsewhere can be difficult, but Olney and Konicki stand together despite popular belief that long distance relationships don't always work.
Olney first met Konicki in fifth grade when they did musicals together. She had a crush on Konicki until freshman year of high school when he moved to Canada. When he returned to Wichita in 2007, Olney says they immediately reconniced. "The reason why I still had a crush on him was because he was the first boy I lived."
HOW THEY DO IT
Though both Olney and Konicki are from Wichita, the couple's one-year relationship has been mostly long distance. Olney commutes back to Wichita about once every two weeks, and even though Konicki wants to go to film school in Chicago, the couple has decided to stay together. "I think the distance actually makes us closer," Olney says. "We really don't fight that much because that smothering effect isn't there."
Long distance relationships require more effort than ones where couples can interact frequently face to face. While phone calls, text messages and emails make things easier, Olney says it's not the same as seeing each other in person.
Sarah Lutz, Overland Park senior has it a bit harder than Olney. Lutz met her current boyfriend, Kurt Mester, at a three-day church camp retreat. He currently lives in Chicago after graduation while she attends KU. She says their one-year relationship works because Mester is more mature and focused on the future. With
IF YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS ABOUT IT, DON'T DO IT
Though long distance relationships may not seem hard to maintain, the reality is they take a lot of time and effort. The couple must make a commitment and be dedicated to each other.
Olney admits that being far away from each other for prolonged periods of time can ignite jealousy. She says if she's worried or upset she'll ask Konicki about it, trusting his answers.
Olney says it's important to not be jealous and understand the relationship will be hard. "It all comes down to if you want them in your life, without being there physically all the time, or just not in your life at all, period." Olney says.
For Lutz, seeing Mester's friends spend more time with him than she does makes her jealous., but "We talk through it and know each other's friends well enough to know we shouldn't feel that way," Lutz says.
Lutz says long distance relationships are hard and not for everyone. "I definitely wouldn't recommend it to jealous people or people who can't budget time. The time between seeing each other can be the hardest and frustrating because it feels like a waiting period," Lutz says. Hitting rough patches seems to be inevitable for all relationships, including long distance ones.
Olney admits to being frustrated at times. "It comes down to whether or not you think you would be happier apart," Olney says. "For us, the answer is no. I think we would rather not be together physically all the time and still have each other in the end." Lutz says early on in the
relationship was a bit of a rough patch because of the distance. "I would constantly question whether or not this was a good situation to put myself in," Lutz says.
HOW TO COPE
Being in a long distance relationship can cause additional stress and anxiety. Dr. John Wade, Outreach Coordinator for the Counseling and Psychological Services at KU says a significant number of students seek help at CAPS for coping with long distance relationships. Wade also says that different people will be affected differently by being in a long distance relationship, but is a higher chance for uncertainty about the other person's actions. This and not communicating often can result in depression and loneliness.
When it comes to advice to students involved in a long distance relationship, Wade emphasizes communication and balance. Communication is important in any relationship, but the importance of it goes up in a long distance one. He says communication is especially
significant in a long distance relationship because interaction is less frequent and there is more room for misinterpretation. "Having a healthy balance of friends and other activities makes it easier to cope with the inherent strains of a long distance relationship." Wade says.
WHAT MAKES THE DISTANCE
WORTH THE EFFORT
At the end of the day, either the distance is worth all of the effort or it isn't. For Olney, the distance makes the heart grow fonder. "There's nothing more exciting to me than knowing I get to see him soon," Olney says. Lutz thinks the relationship will work if you're with the right person. She says when she and Mester are together the distance doesn't matter and the light at the end of the tunnel makes it all worth it. "Every relationship, long distance or not, has it's hardships. Ours is distance," Lutz says. Jp
Do you think long distance relationships work? Why or why not?
Lanie Smith | Salina junior "No because the lack of physical contact. I mean I wouldn't want to date someone I couldn't see frequently."
lan McLean | Topeka junior
"It all depends on the people involved. In my experience, no, but I think it's possible if the two people are committed."
Sammy Lampe | Houston senior "I think they can if both people trust the other person and are willing to constantly work to stay together."
Heidi Zarda | Shawnee senior
Heidi Zarda | SAVVY
"I think it can work, if both sides are mature enough to work hard at it."
Relationships in general take work, but long distance relationships take even more work. There needs to be a lot of trust.
told a story about one night that changed her life.
Kristen Tebow, a woman from Manhattan, just wanted to make friends her freshman year at Kansas State University. On a typical weekend night, she made plans with a new friend from marching band. She and her newly found friend visited a typical bar on the outskirts of Manhattan. Tebow's friend got her a drink; a few moments later she felt like the "world went crazy" and passed out in the bar's bathroom.
The next morning she woke up naked in a hotel room just outside Manhattan, covered in bruises and scratches. Seven naked men slept on the floor around her. The men paid Tebow's friend to drug and bring her to the hotel. Her friend set her up for a night she would never forget. She turned into a victim of sex trafficking that night. All she wanted to do was have a
Other Signs:
2. Mood Swings - People who become easily angry often turn out to be controlling.
3. Putting you down - The controller doesn't only want to be in control of your actions, but also your emotions.
- Isolating you from friends and family
- Isolating you from friends and family
- Discouraging you from pursuing outside interests
- Perpetually blaming you for his or her own actions (anger, cheating, yelling, etc.)
- Embarrassing you in public
- Constantly discounting your feelings
- Cycling through moods
Adapted from The Midwest Center for Stress and Anxiety
little fun in college.
Thursday night, Tebow took back that night from those seven
"I just wanted somebody to hold me at that point," Tebow said. "I was crying for my dad."
Incidents like Tebow are not uncommon. And just like Tebow, survivors of sexual assault, rape,
men and her "friend."
Dalton Gomez/KANSAN
SEE AWARENESS ON PAGE 3A
The Clothesline Project was a visible contribution to Ta'e Back the Night Thursday evening. Victim and supporters created shirts to hang on the clothesline to tell their stories or to send a message about domestic violence.
Filling the gap in children's scoliosis treatment
HEALTH
Lisa Friis, assistant professor in mechanical engineering, said there are no available spines from deceased children with scoliosis to be modeled off of.
For every 1,000 children in the United States, three to five will develop scoliosis severe enough to require surgery. However, there are zero model pediatric spines to guide the course of treatment.
BY MEG LOWRY
mlowry@kansan.com
University researchers are working on a more accurate spinal model
"The spine is a series of connected joints," Friis said. "If you do something to one level, it will affect all levels up and down. If we can create models and find how treatment influences functions on adjacent levels, we will be able to design implants better."
A federal grant of more than $1 million was awarded to the engineering department to fund spinal replica research. Friis, who has worked as a research scientist in orthopedics since 2001, said the grant was well-founded.
male's spine does not really represent a 12-year-old girl's, but this is what they are using to test spinal implants on," Frits said.
The lab has successfully created a model of an adult lumbar spine, which has enabled researchers to now begin creating a pediatric model spine.
"Unfortunately, a 75-year-old
"The spinal industry is about 15 to 25 years behind other areas of orthopedics," Friis said. "Some spinal surgery procedures still
"Babies are much more flexible, for example, and in some places have cartilage instead of bone," Lewis said. "Those kinds of properties just don't change overnight, so we are trying to find out how surgeries can work with that."
don't have as high of success rates as other surgeries, so these are the types of things we are looking at now."
Erin Lewis, a graduate student in bioengineering from Fort Scott, said medical device companies rely on a scaled-down model of an adult spine, which can lead to error and confusion.
Lewis leads a group of graduate students and undergraduate students who help with the research. The group works closely with a pediatric surgeon from Children's Mercy Hospital in Kansas City,
These kinds of surgeries include spinal implants and fusions, which are used to treat scoliosis.
Mo., and medical device companies, which offer their insight. Creating a pediatric spine replica with nothing to work off of and measure from creates many challenges. For example, the engineers know that children are more flexible and their tissues are less dense, and that they will grow. However, they do not know to what extent.
"It's extremely difficult to create a model of a spine when we don't know the target values and also incorporate somehow the phystological changes that occur in kids," Lewis said.
Scoliosis surgeries involve
SEE SPINE ON PAGE 3A
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three slots at contest
Designs made by students won the top three spots at the Aviation, Technology Integration and Operations conference in Texas.
TODAY'S WEATHER
Classifieds ... 6A
Crossword ... 4A
Cryptoquips ... 4A
Opinion ... 5A
Sports ... 10A
Sudoku ... 4A
INDEX
Check out our interactive guide for the different areas of the spine at kansan.com/
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