with Niloofar Shahmohammadi
I RECENTLY WENT OUT ON WHAT I THOUGHT WAS AN AMAZING FIRST DATE WITH THIS GUY I'VE BEEN TALKING TO FOR AWHILE. I MADE HIM A REALLY NICE DINNER AND, IN AN ATTEMPT TO BE HONEST, I TOLD HIM HOW GREAT I THOUGHT HE WAS AND HOW EXCITED I WAS ABOUT GETTING TO SPEND THE EVENING WITH HIM. HE SEEMED GRATEFUL, BUT IT'S BEEN THREE WEEKS AND HE HASN'T CALLED. HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO WRONG IN INTERPRETING THE EVENING?
PATTI, SOPHOMORE
You cooked him dinner? On the first date? Please tell me your idea of a "really nice dinner" is popcorn or microwavable Mac 'n Cheese.
It sounds to me like you went all out, and that's exactly the problem. You were trying too hard. Of course he'll appreciate the nice dinner, but if that's how you treat him from day one, when he's done nothing to deserve you yet, you have just set a (really awful) standard. You've let him know by your eagerness that he doesn't have to work to impress you.
You've sent him the message that you're so eager to be his girlfriend you're ready to compete with world-class contortionists to please
him. Men can smell desperation like dogs and unfortunately, whether you realize it or not, you're desperate. And that sends men running for the hills.
According to Sherry Argov, author of Why Men Love Bitches, there is one notable exception. Wear a black lace teddy for him and first he'll have sex with you. then he'll go running. I hate to say it, but you've probably lost your chance with this guy.
Next time, demonstrate you know your worth by having him take you out to dinner. Let him pay. Make him prove to you he really wants you. As I've said before, slow and steady wins the race.
MY GIRLFRIEND SAYS SHE DOESN'T WANT TO HAVE SEX UNTIL SHE'S MARRIED, BUT I'M A 21-YEAR-OLD GUY AND I WANT TO BE HAVING HOT SEX! I'M GETTING REALLY FRUSTRATED AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I'M THINKING WE MIGHT HAVE TO GO OUR SEPARATE WAYS. AM I BEING A TOTAL JERK HERE?
ALAN, JUNIOR
I don't think the question is really whether you're being a jerk, but how much you love your girlfriend. The truth is, if she wants to wait, then if you really love her you won't force her to sleep with you. True love accepts people unconditionally and doesn't want to hurt them in any way.
If you really want to have sex, then perhaps the right thing to do is to leave her, knowing that the two of you have different expectations for the relationship. But if you really are crazy about her, waiting wouldn't be so bad. There's more to a relationship than the physical stuff, and if she's the girl for you, then just being with her can be amazing.
Of course you would want to sleep
with her, but if you have so much fun just spending time with her and she makes you feel so good, than waiting to have sex is a tolerable sacrifice. So it's up to you.
The sex issue, rather than being an issue in and of itself, might just be highlightting the strength (or lack thereof) of your bond.
And also, is she willing to engage in anything sexual? Sex doesn't have to be the only way to enjoy each other physically. If it's just too much for you though, then it would be best to go your separate ways. She can find a nice church boy and you can pick up a (not too) nice girl in the deltoid section at Priscilla's or Naughty But Nice.
12 ⇒ JAYPLAY 03.29.2007
Please send your questions and concerns to bitch@kansan.com