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MINSTER: The United States has more than 3,000 counties. By the time spring break is over, I'll have seen more than 800. What's your beach trip worth, next to that?
FRIDAY, MARCH 16, 2007 WWW.KANSAN.COM
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》 OUR VIEW
Different zip code, drunkenness don't excuse cheating
One too many redheaded slut shots, Nelly Furtado's "Promiscuous" pulsating through the speakers and dozens of bodies rubbing up on each other; all the makings of a hot and heavy spring break.
Perfect, go and get you some.
Perfect, go and get you some. However, if your Facebook status indicates that you're in a relationship, maybe you should
step away from the dance floor, put down the glow sticks and get some fresh air.
Even the slightest inking to play the fields in uncharted territory could be a sign that you should break up with your significant other. Before you travel south.
A breakup, though almost never simple, is always easier
than seeing that extra pain (or vengeful psychosis) in your lover's eyes when you confess your disrespectful tourist trap stop. Or, if you choose not to confess, living with the guilt may eat at you like hungry tourists at a Las Vegas buffet.
Ignorance of the cheating laws is no excuse. So, if you need a quick brush-up on
cheating 101 here's a quick rundown of what significant others deem cheating.
Sex (obviously), blowjobs (this includes both those giving and receiving), kissing (this is widely debated among cheatologists, but it's safe to put it in the cheating category) and naked interactions in a body of water — saltwater or fresh.
And for those of you still in denial, being in different time zones, zip codes or crossing state lines from your significant other still counts as cheating. The definition of "cheating" in New York is the same as in Kansas.
Cheating only takes half a second to begin and months to apologize and agonize about.
Not to mention your suitcase will be significantly heavier on the way home because it will be full of souvenirs you bought at the guilt shop.
So when heading to your choice spring break destination, Just. Don't. Do it.
County-hunting a goal-oriented, strange way to spend spring break
— Tasha Riggins for the editorial board.
COMMENTARY
I told my wife I would take her to London for spring break and being a man of my word, that is exactly where we are heading. London, Ky., here we come!
We'll be passing through on our way to Richmond, Va., to visit my sister's family. Interstate 64 offers a more direct route, but we've already been that way and I don't like
The thing is,
I really enjoy
doing it. I like
marking a map
of where I've
been. I like
seeing tour-
ist attractions
that most other
people don't
know exist.
same way twice. You see, I like to visit new counties.
BY BRANDON MINSTER
KANSAN COLUMNIST
OPINIONKANSAN.COM
Last weekend we went to
Yes, feel free to laugh at me. It is a strange hobby, and I know I should be ashamed of it. I keep track of the counties I visit, with the goal of reaching
all 3,131 counties (and county equivalents) in the country.
There may be a nicer place to spend spring break than driving two-lane roads in th nether regions of Appalachia, but I don't know where that place would be.
Lincoln, Neb., so I could get five new counties, and on the way we saw the Homestead National Monument and, to celebrate my Bohemian heritage, the Czech Museum of Wilber, Neb. We also saw the famous black
squirrels of Marysville, Kan. It makes for awkward conversations when I have to explain why our next few vacations are planned for such places as Nicodemus, Kan., and Red Cloud, Neb. In the next couple
months we will go to West Mineral, Kan., and see Big Brutus, the second largest electric shovel in the world.
The strangest part of this hobby is that there are other people who do the same thing. There's even an organization, which I've joined, and I get a quarterly newsletter explaining all the latest events in the world of county hunting.
When we got married, my wife and I tried to reconstruct her past travels. To save ourselves the trouble in the future, we've been keeping track for our kids since they were born.
One of my biggest failures as a father was when I took my son to only three counties his first year of life. On our spring break trip, though, he will get 150.
Instead of sitting in a bar in Mexico thinking, "I spent 500 bucks for this?" I'll be zigzagging across the country in a station wagon.
There may be a nicer place to spend spring break than driving two-lane roads in the nether regions of Appalachia, but I don't know where that place would be. By the time we get back, I'll have a county total of over 830, more than 25 percent of my way to my goal. And, on our return trip through Louisville, Ky., we'll see Colonel Sanders's gravesite.
Good luck finding that in Cancun.
Minster is a Lawrence junior in economics.
Grant Snider/KANSAN
FREE FOR ALL
Call 864-0500
Free for All callers have 20 seconds to speak about any topic they wish. Kansan editors reserve the right to omit comments. Slanderous and obscene statements will not be printed. Phone numbers of all incoming calls are recorded.
To the girl that danced in the elevator puddle: I'm glad you had a good time in my
I have a chicken feather in my eyeball.
To whoever called in about
the broken needles and the hippies: You are my soulmate. I just saw a guy barefoot, and it made me think of you.
going to happen. It has to be true, because Colbert said it.
Dear Kansas Men's Basketball, I know 1,900 wins is really awesome, but I'd really like to see 2,000 sometime in the next three years. So you'd better get on that. Love, your
fan
To the girl that wiped out right in front of the bus: You made my day.
I was filling out my bracket on the Kansan's page the other day. I'm not really sure who "Vergina" is, but I picked them to win it all.
I have a ton of money and girls still hate me.
Hey Free for All, I have a secret. I went to Spangles, and I enjoyed it. It was yummy.
going to happen. It has to be true, because Colbert said it.
them.
going to happen. It has to be true, because Colbert said it.
Hey Delta Force, I just littered! What are you gonna do about it?
beginning
To those of you that got hit with water balloons tonight:
Be very afraid. It was just the
We're definitely winning the Final Four. Colbert said it was
Free for All, Stephen Colbert just picked Kansas to win the NCAA Tournament. It's for
sure
Stephen Colbert just said that the Jayhawks are going to go all the way, and he's right. They're gonna win.
going to happen. It has to be true, because Colbert said it.
going to happen. It has to be true, because Colbert said it.
and I have four midterms tomorrow, I should probably start studying for them. Then again, sleep really does sound
So, Stephen Colbert just picked us to win the tournament. Is this a good thing, or
a bud (n)
Hi Free for All! I'm finally 21,
and I am walking down Mass
Street completely drunk, and
I love it
It's 80 degrees outside, bitch! Take your Uggs off!
and I have four midterms tomorrow, I should probably start studying for them. Then again, sleep really does sound
Yo bitch, what makes you think I won't cut you?
Your face looks like a pizza! Delicious!
and I have four midterms tomorrow, I should probably start studying for them. Then again, sleep really does sound
--and I have four midterms tomorrow, I should probably start studying for them. Then again, sleep really does sound
Can we get the number of the guy who does the voice recording for the Free for All?
and I have four midterms tomorrow, I should probably start studying for them. Then again, sleep really does sound
He sounds hot.
Free for All, I've come to a life-changing decision. Seeing
tempting.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is getting laid right now. It's not fair. I deserve to get laid. I'm just as cute. I'm just as noisy as she is. I can hear them through the wall. They're like banging the headboard. Eww. It's not fair.
Why are there seagulls in Kansas?
completely clear and freaking odorless! Probably. I didn't get close enough to know. I just kinda splashed my foot, and I had shoes on.
The puddle I played in was definitely not urine! It was
and I had sn
Hey Free for All, just a correction. "Bryan" the manwhore is with a "y" not an "i". Just a little typo, right there.
I got my cast off today. I get to masturbate again! Yay! Yay!
Free for All, I was just calling in because I wanted a comment, and those people were talking about me, like with the man purse thing. I just wanted to clarify that it's a "tote," not a man purse.
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