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EDITORIAL: For everyone's sake, can Mother Nature please just send us warm, sunny consistent weather?
FRIDAY, MARCH 9, 2007 WWW.KANSAN.COM
See Kansan.com for more opinions and Free for All comments
THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
OPINION
PAGE 5A
》 OUR VIEW
Everybody totally fed up with Mother Nature's antics Teasing with high temperatures, refusal to be consistent top complaints in list of weather-related offenses
Dear Mother Nature.
Your attitude needs a serious change.
You're a maddening tease. You get us all hot and excited and then out of the blue you give us the cold shoulder. Just when we think you're going to expose your warmth, you cloud over. You need to stop flashing hints of what's to come next. The anticipation is too much to bear.
We loathe your inconsistency. When we need to study, you're gloriously beautiful. When we need
to play, you're miserably cold and windy.
Now we never know what to wear in the morning. We put away our scarves for the season and then pull them out the next day. We shiver on the way to class and sweat on the way home. Some have taken to layers. They're comforting at first but then they get burdensome.
We're sorry for giving off too much carbon dioxide but this is really no way to behave. How are we supposed to turn the heat off and walk instead of driving if you can't
keep us warm?
Even Old Man Winter is annoyed with you. He said he usually spends more time with Old Woman Winter about now, but you've been keeping him so busy he has no time for her. You're making him lonely and cranky.
We don't want to piss you off. Please don't send a microburst like you did last year. That wasn't very nice either. We recognize your awesome powers, but we just want to point out that we think you've been excessively temperamental lately.
Don't you remember those warm sunny days with lemonades, the leaved trees and the sparkling pools?
Seriously, take a cue from the window shops downtown on Massachusetts: they're loaded with bright colorful patterns, spaghetti straps, short skirts and board shorts. It should be obvious that we're anxious to bust out our flip-flops and frolic in the bright green grass.
It would be really nice if you could just warm up. We know you've got it in you, Mother Nature. We haven't forgotten the weeks of
triple digits last summer. That's not really necessary — we don't want you to overstrain yourself, old girl — but a little more sunshine wouldn't hurt anything. Come on.
Even Old Man Winter is annoyed with you. He said he usually spends more time with Old Woman Nature about now, but you've been keeping him so busy he has no time for her.
just a little less cold breeze. Ten more degrees. You can do 10 more, right? Give us some 70-degree days? Maybe an 80? Doesn't 80 sound nice?
Think it over.
Sincerely,
sincerey. The University Daily Kansan editorial board (and, like, everyone else too)
Alison Kieler for the editorial board.
COMMENTARY
Ultimate presidential candidate lists impossible bipartisan policies
I hereby announce my candidacy for president of the United States of America. Let the media swarm me like tornadic winds to your mobile home community.
I am a beacon of light, a glimmer of hope, a lover, not a fighter. I embody the ideals of bleeding-heart conservatism and compassionate liberalism put forth by Ronald Reagan, Franklin D. Roosevelt and our founding fathers.
Henceforth, I will run a campaign based on grass-roots support generated through You-Tube videos Facebook groups, and certified Bracketology. The bracketologists project that I will be a 15-seed, but I'm told that occasionally these teams upset 2-seeds.
I have been told that I "look presidential", something of a cross between JFK and Abraham Lincoln. My soft yet angular features do little to conceal a fierce dignity and humble patriotism. Though my profile may not be instantly recognizable, perhaps you will know it well by the time it is featured on a 15-cent piece, or a $25 bill.
The excessive corporate contributions corrupting our political system will play no role in my campaign. I will take these countless millions which I have so graciously received and invest them in the American people and forgotten Internet stocks.
BY GRANT SNIDER
KANSAN COLUMNIST
OPINION@KANSAN.COM
My political platform is built on a strong foundation, and has a ladder leading up to the top. I will climb this ladder and announce where I stand on the important issues.
I will fight for tax cuts for the rich, made possible by a minimum wage increase and expansion of our welfare programs. The gratuitous amounts of money gained by our CEOs through my tax cuts will trickle down a mountain of prosperity, becoming a gushing river that feeds into a crystal-clear lake at the base of the mountain, where the poor will bathe in its sanctifying waters.
I ensure another announcement of victory in Iraq, Afghanistan and all the other sand-covered nations our military may have invaded. However, I guarantee the instant and total withdrawal of troops from the glorious screw-up of my reviled predecessor.
As commander-in-chief, I will be a staunch defender of American culture. I will keep "Grey's Anatomy" on the air, appear simultaneously on the "Colbert Report" and the "O'Reilly Factor," and make sure Natalie Portman does not shave her head in "V for Vendetta II." Because the youths of this country are so important to me, you may even see me at an "emu" concert.
My political views are informed by both my staunch religious faith and my firm belief in the separation of church and state. I will march for the homosexual rights movement under a rainbow banner, and I will advocate a constitutional amendment to stop the gay marriage epidemic.
I will support a woman's right to choose while defending a culture of life. No babies will be killed on my watch, unless they commit a crime worthy of capital punishment.
Handguns for everyone! Except for convicted criminals, or those with criminal inclinations. That's my new gun control slogan.
Hey, you up in that tree, that's a smart looking rifle you've got there. Is that a silencer on the barrel? Hey, why do you have it pointed at me? Does my hair look OK through that scope? Take your hand off the trigger, my boy, and come share in my vision for America.
Snider is a Mulvane junior in chemical engineering.
FREE FOR ALL
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Grant Snider/KANSAN
Call 864-0500
Free for All callers have 20 seconds to speak about any topic they wish. Kansan editors reserve the right to omit comments. Slanderous and obscene statements will not be printed. Phone numbers of all incoming calls are recorded.
The fire alarm is going off, again. I was sleeping, again. If this happens one more time, I'm burning down the building.
don't yell "bullshit."
It's all about the Ranch.
People want to talk about fans that don't have class. Classy fans
Natalie, I danced with you at Liquid a couple weeks ago, and I think you really hot, and I had a great tree. PS: You is David.
Julian Wright is sexual chocolate
if that was gross or not.
I was on my way back from a review, and I had to go to the bathroom so bad. I did what no one would probably dare to do. I squatted and peed right next to a tree in the middle of campus.
There's a girl that just peed in front of Snow Hall by a tree, and I don't think she thought anyone was looking, but I totally saw her out in Marvin.
Free-for-All, the peep-holes in the bathrooms between the urinal and the first stall in the men's room of Anschutz, Wescoe, and Watson library really creep me
if that was gross or not.
Remember TV before the Spangles commercials? Those were the good ole days.
late
out.
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! My iPod still works, after going through the washer and drier!
if that was gross or not.
I will get ticketed for public urination before I die, if it's the last thing I do.
I'm here in Oklahoma City for the Women's Big 12 Tournament, and we're all pretty sure that the
Baylor coach looks like she's going
Baylor coach looks like she's going to the prom.
if that was gross or not.
if that was gross or not.
If you own a Bluetooth, you just look like you're talking to yourself, and you look crazy as hell.
to the p
We definitely just caught a campus squirrel. We're pretty much badass.
But seriously, we really did just catch a campus squirrel.
if that was gross or not.
I just had a runny drip of snot fall in my Honey Nut Cheerios, and I continued to eat it. I didn't know
because her nails are wet. How should I respond to this?
Dear Free-for-All, my roommate just asked me to pick her wedgie,
keep insisting that they hate America?
There's rabbits everywhere!
To the girl, or guy, who commented on the dick/M&M theory: Excellent. Excellent.
keep insisting that they hate America?
Just because you're a KU athlete does not mean my car will stop. The next time you walk up in front of me, I will run over you.
keep insisting that they hate America?
Croatia really exists, eh? Why can't I find any Americans who can find it on a map? Sounds to me like a conspiracy. Why do people keep insisting that they hate
I can't believe my biology teacher just talked about bees getting off.
ners
For all the guys whod like to bang my roommate: She says the first guy to bring her a rose is all
-
I saw Max Falkenstein at the club last night, and I'm not going to lie. He's a pretty good dancer!
I'm dating a Croatian right now, yet I'm still skeptical about of whether Croatia exists.
-
I found a candy bar on the side of the sidewalk. I ate it, and I hope I wake up in the morning.
》 TALK TO US
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864-4854 or gsouza@kansan.com
Nicole Kelley. managing editor
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Courtney Hagen, opinion editor
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EDITORIAL BOARD
Gabrielle Souza, Nicole Killey, Patrick Ross, Courtney Hagen,
Natalie Johnson, Alison Kieler, Tasha Riggins and McKay Stangler
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