TONIGHT TEAM LIFT IN THE LOUNGE
Do Something Stupid?
Now Do Something Smart.
Call Wendy Newell
The Law Office of Wendy A.L. Newell, LLC 4106 W. 6th St. Suite B Lawrence, Kansas 66049 (785)218-8125
1
FORMER CANADIAN DEFENSE MINISTER PAUL HELLYER DEMANDS THAT THE WORLD'S GOVERNMENTS DISCLOSE AND USE SECRET ALIEN TECHNOLOGIES OBTAINED FROM CRASHED UFOS TO STOP GLOBAL WARMING. President Bush was reportedly upset that Hellyer stole his idea for how to solve the Iraq mess
2 STARGAZERS VIEW THE FIRST TOTAL LUNAR ECLIPSE IN NEARLY THREE YEARS.
And that's not referring to the paparazzi photographing a panty-less Paris Hilton bending over to get in a car.
4 K-STATE ADMINISTRATORS ISSUE A STATEMENT EXPRESSLY PROHIBITING STUDENTS FROM BRINGING LIVE ANIMALS TO SPORTING EVENTS AFTER CRITICISMS FROM PETA.
Now what are Wildcats going to do for dates?
3 MICHAEL JACKSON MAKES AN APPEARANCE IN JAPAN, ALLOWS FANS TO SPEND TIME WITH HIM FOR
A PRICE OF $3,500 FOR 30 SECONDS. Of course, children aged 12 and younger were allowed to see Michael free of charge. Too easy.
ABC IS BEGINNING TO DEVELOP A TELEVISION SERIES BASED ON THE CAVEMEN FROM POPULAR GEICO ADVERTISEMENTS.
Early reviews reveal a depth of character, dialogue and plot that puts fellow ABC show Grey's Anatomy to shame.
6 ARMY SECRETARY FRANCIS J. HARVEY RESIGNS AMID THE GROWING SCANDAL AROUND SUBSTANDARD CONDITIONS FOR INJURED SOLDIERS AT WAITER REED ARMY MEDICAL CENTER.
If you haven't heard much about this yet, it's probably because Walter Reed Army Medical Center has nothing to do with Anna Nicole Smith.
7
15-YEAR-OLD JENNIFER MEE'S FIVE WEEKS OF CONSTANT HICCUPS ABRUPTLY END FOR APPARENT REASON.
Doctors suspect, however, that Mees's daily suicide attempts starting in week two might have had something to do with it.
PARIS HILTON IS ARRESTED FOR DRIVING WITH A SUSPENDED LICENSE, WHICH COULD RESULT IN UP TO THREE MONTHS IN PRISON FOR THE HEIRESS.
Paris is expected to avoid any prison time, however, as it would constitute "cruel and unusual punishment" of the other prisoners.
9 A NEW STUDY SHOWS THAT TODAY'S COLLEGE STUDENTS ARE MORE NARCISSISTIC AND SELF-CENTERED THAN PAST GENERATIONS.
The findings are not surprising, considering that the research was conducted exclusively at The Hawk.
10 CONSERVATIVE AUTHOR ANN COULTER USES A HOMOPHOBIC SLUR TO REFER TO DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE JOHN EDWARDS WHILE SPEAKING AT A CONSERVATIVE CONFERENCE.
For more of Ann's razor wit and thought-provoking insights, look for her latest opus, *Poopy: Liberals are Poop and Pee Put Together*, in bookstores soon.
THINK YOU HAVE A BETTER JOKE? E-MAIL ME AT HAWKTOPICS@KANSAN.COM.
04→ JAYPLAY 03.08.2007
individual stress ... ...
Chris Raine