AN IGUANA IN BELGIUM IS SET TO HAVE ITS PENIS AMPUTATED AFTER ITS OWNER FED IT VIAGRA, GIVING IT AN ERECTION THAT LASTED FOR OVER A WEEK.
2
ACTRESS ANNE HECHER
ANNOUNCES that SHE IS
SEPARATING from
HER HUSBAND OF FIVE
YEARS, CAMERAMAN
GOUMMAN LAECOON
Lafaso reportedly initiated the separation after catching Hache with another woman and not recognizing it as the greatest thing to ever happen to a married man.
FORD MOTOR CO. IS SET TO REPORT AN ANNUAL NET LOSS OF OVER $7 BILLION, THE WORST EVER IN THE 103-YEAR HISTORY OF THE COMPANY
Analysts cite the overwhelming success of Chevy's "It's Our Country" ad campaign, as the mind-melting lion of the theme song convince viewers that Chevrolet has their Fords to buy the more 'patriotic' Chevrolets.
4
TENS OF THOUSANDS OF ANTI-WAR PROTESTERS MARCH IN WASHINGTON,
D.C. URGING CONGRESS TO PULL U.S. TROOPS OUT OF IAQ.
As was expected from the outset of the march, President Bush, upon seeing the gathered masses emotionally imploring him to end the violence in Iraq, immediately addressed Congress and announced a complete 180-degree turn, ordering a complete cease-fire. He promised that all American troops would be home within the month.
5
IRIANIAN OFFICIALS CONFIRM THAT THEY HAVE RECEIVED ADVANCED AIRDEFENSE MISSILES FROM RUSIA, PRESUMably TO PROTECT THEIR NUCLEAR REACTORS
OFFICIALS IN ARIZONA REPORT THAT A 29-AYORAL OLD CONVICT SEX OFFENDER POSSED AS A SEVENTH GRADE STUDENT FOR TWO MONTHS, ATTENDLING CLASS AND TURNING IN HOMEWORK BEFORE
resented Bush warned that if Iran doesn't immediately discontinue its push toward weapons, he won't invade to.equivate Iraq.
Fortunately for fans of American Idol, Ryan Seacrest will return to his hosting duties of the popular show as soon as he clears ball.
BEING CAUGHT AND ARRESTED.
VETERAN ROCK
BAND VAN HALEN
ANNOUNCES THAT
THEY WILL REUNITE WITH
ECCENTRIC LEAD SINGER
DAVID LEE ROTH FOR A
SUMMER TOUR
Van Halen fans worldwide were thrilled to learn that David Lee Roth is still alive.
GREY'S ANATOMY STAR ISIAAH WASHINGTON HENTS ENERGISITY COUNSELING AFTER HIS PUBLIC ADMISSION OF USING ANTI-MOSEUXIAL SLURNS AGAINST FELLOW CAST MEMBER T.R. KNIGHT.
Meanwhile, Grey's legion of brain damaged fans fight to apologize for making Grey's Anatomy a popular level of absolute sucky.
14→ JAYPLAY 02.01.2007
HAS-BEEN POP SINGER BRANDY IS INVOLVED IN A FATAL FOUR-CAR ACCIDENT AFTER SHE HITS ANOTHER VEHICLE FROM BEHIND.
Police officials say it is the first Brandy caused fatality that is not related to either her painfully lost lung or gruesome or horrific life, short lived MTV show.
THINK YOU HAVE A BETTER JOKE? E-MAIL ME AT HAWKTOPICS@KAHSAM.CO
Chris Raine