RAINE REVIEWS NEWS YOU CAN USE HAWK TOPICS
REPORTS SURFACE THAT LINDSAY LOHAN IS ATTENDING ALCOHOLIC ANONYMOUS MEETINGS. Lohan said it was the worst club she's ever been to say, "Like, nobody was even, like, dancing or anything." Like Fully central.
2 A NEW STUDY REVEALS TEN PREGNANCY RATES ARE DOWN AS A RESULT OF GREATER CONTRACEPTION USE.
Of course, this report was conducted before K-Fed hit the market again, so all bets are off. Popozao!
3 KID ROCK
AND PAMELA
ANDERSON
ANNOUNCE THAT THEY
ARE GETTING DIVORCED
Anderson ended the marriage shortly after learning that there are still a few members of a washed up 80-hair band that she hasn't yet banged.
A PHONIX AIRPORT ANNOUNCES ITS PLANS TO TEST A FULL BODY X-RAY SYSTEM TO SCREEN PASSENGERS.
Privacy advocates are already crying foul, presumably because of the name of the program. X-Rayed, and the plans for an accompanying Web site where viewers can vote on whether passengers X-rays are "hot" or not."
5 PARIS HILTON CANCELS HER APPEARANCE AT THE BILLBOARD MUSIC AWARDS BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T LIKE THE JOKES THAT WERE WRITTEN FOR HER.
To so, rewrite the list of things that is "too good" for 'the Billboard Music Awards, Playboy, underwear, having sex with the lights, on reading, Nicole Ritchie (sometimes), a real job, fixing her lazy eye, education... did I miss anything? No?
That's hot.
KANSAS BASKETBALL COACH
BILL SELF SIGNS A CONTRACT
EXTENSION THROUGH 2011
WORTH S1.3 MILLION PER YEAR.
Coincidentally, 51.3 million is approximately the entire athletics budget at DePaul University. Way to show up, guys.
10 KU STUDENTS PREPARE FOR FINALS AS FINAL WEEK OF CLASSES ENDS.
Hawk Topics would like to thank its loyal readers for the encouragement and support this semester, I with both of you happy holidays and safe traveling.
SIX
HUNDRED
PEOPLE FAL
ILL AFTER EATING
AT A POPULAR
SYRACUSE, N.Y.
RESTAURANT
In other news, K-Fed has moved on from Brittney and found a new job as a prep cook at a popular Syracuse, N.Y. restaurant.
KU DEBATE TEAM
COACH SCOTT HARRIIS
IS NAMED NATIONAL
COACH OF THE YEAR.
When it came time to announce the award for the best debate coach in the country, there was, ironically, no debate.
9 THE FAMOUS MALAYSIAN SNAKE HANDLER, THE "SNAKE KING," DIES AFTER BEING BOT BY
14→ JAYPLAY 12.07.2006
A man who made a living taunting poisonous snakes. Dies of gas burns. What are the odds?
Chris Raine