4A
NEWS
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THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
TUESDAY DECEMBER 2006
VIOLENCE (CONTINUED FROM 1A)
to help these women, many victims remain nameless and faceless because of fear, embarrassment and intimidation in the community.
Kathy Rose-Mockry, director of the University's Emily Taylor Women's Resource Center, said she knew that most cases remained unreported, forcing victims to fend for themselves.
"I think there is a misconception that abuse doesn't happen here, but it does happen here." Rose-Mockry said. "It seems like it might not happen because it is underreported. There are many reasons for this: emotional issues, fear, embarrassment, lack of recognition."
Kristen Abell, program coordinator for Emily Taylor Women's Resource Center, said she saw between five and 10 victims of relationship abuse each year at the University. Abell acknowledges that many victims get help through other sources, such as Women's Transitional Care Services, Inc, or KU Counseling and Psychological Services. But she thought the majority of victims stay silent about their experiences.
Abell recognized the challenges victims faced in finding help to end abusive relationships in a college atmosphere where students can be separated from a family support system, a factor that might be vital to helping them end violent relationships.
with their abusers on campus.
Abusers characteristically intimidate their victims, Abell said, which causes unique problems in an academic atmosphere. Concentrating in class — let alone reaching out for help — becomes more difficult when victims have to come into contact
Social ties and emotional vulnerability also contribute to the victim's reluctance to end the relationship.
"One reason people stay in abusive relationships is because abuse tears down self esteem," Abell said. "They feel like they have no options. Abusers isolate them and they have no way out."
Duensing felt isolated in dealing with her abuse. She went without help or support throughout most of her relationship because she feared what others would think.
"At first I was scared to admit that it had happened to me because I thought it might be in some way tied back into something that I caused," Duensung said. "I didn't realize at that point that it wasn't my fault. I didn't want people to think less of me for being so weak."
Timeline Of Abuse
Duensing was a junior in high school when she first experienced abuse from her boyfriend. While Duensing said she couldn't pinpoint why the abuse occurred or what triggered it, she said she thought both of their family histories contributed to the perpetual abuse.
"It was one of those things that he grew up in a household where that was going on and so did I," Dunning said. "It wasn't something we were awake to and when I came to KU my eyes were opened up to that."
didn't like and she threatened to break up with him. When Duensing attempted to leave, the abuse began.
Duensing still clearly remembers the night that set off years of violence and pain. She was at her boyfriend's farm when he said something she
Often domestic violence be or escalate when the victim attempts to leave her abuser. Victims, who may have low self-esteem, can feel too embarrassed or ashamed to seek help.
Photo illustration by Mindy Ricketts/AMSAM
"I was walking to the car when he slammed me up against the door," Duensing said. "He eventually slammed my finger in the door. I got my hand out but he closed the door so I couldn't leave. I ran into a field near the house and he caught up with me and threw himself down on me and started hitting me in the face and kicking me in the shins with his boots."
Duensing spent her last years of high school hiding bruises and cuts so her family and friends wouldn't notice. She got so good at disguising the toll her body took with each smack or punch that her family remained unaware of the abuse until the violent attack that sent her to the hospital her senior year.
"I always told them that I banged myself up playing volleyball or falling down the stairs or something else just to hide it," Duensing said.
Even after the attack that put her in the hospital, the abuse continued when Duensing moved into Margaret Amini scholarship hall in 2003. Her boyfriend, who was a senior in high school, would drive the two-and-a half hours to Lawrence every weekend specifically to drive past her room. His calls flooded her cell phone until her roommates took her phone away.
Duensing credits those roommates her freshman year for helping her to end the relationship permanently.
"A large part of the reason why I was able to wake up and see what
Photo illustration by Mindy Rickets/KANSAN
was going on was those girls," Duensing said. "The support system they offered allowed me to wake up to see that what he was doing was not driven by love but by something else."
By Thanksgiving break of 2003, Duensing went home ready to end the relationship once and for all, but
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her boyfriend had a different plan. Duensing said she would forever remember that night when her boyfriend beat and then raped her on a dusty country road.
Duensung has spent the past few years at the University trying to sever the remaining threads of the painful relationship. She has finally cut all ties with her ex-boyfriend, who now attends college in another state, but Duensung said she had returned home to learn that he still checked up on her activities. After she broke up with a recent boyfriend, she said he was aware of the breakup and attempted, without success, to see her when she came back home.
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"I didn't call the police after he raped me," Duensing said. "I guess I didn't think that they would believe me. I guess you could say that I was in denial and definitely in shock for a few months after it happened. Then I snapped out of it and realized that it was the last straw and I had to stop this cycle or fd end up in worse trouble."
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