By Jessaca Massey, Jayplay writer
"Excuse me, can I, uh, use your cell phone?" Before you hand over your slick cell, you might want to question the intended use. The answer may result in surprising horniness.
Thanks to a new program select cell phones can be turned into vibrating buddies. Purring Kitty enables a cell phone to vibrate continuously without receiving calls. This cell phone — no, vibrator — not only takes advantage of the two-in-one cell phone/insert-your-fave-gadget-here combos we're seeing lately but also allows you to disguise your vibrator and take it anywhere your cell phone goes. The greatest advantage of this pleasure program is that it costs only $4.99 to download.
I downloaded it on to my roommate's flip SPH-A500 Samsung. I'm envious: she will have access to her sex toy 24/7, while I will have to wait until I can afford to buy a cell phone that isn't reminiscent of the brick phone from the Saved By the Bell era. Don't get me wrong, my Nokia 5165 is cute with its KU faceplate, but it doesn't have the necessary capabilities to download Purring Kitty.
Despite this moaning-good tech advancement, there is one problem with my roomie's cellular vibes: the phone must stay open in order to keep the good times going. So if you own a flip phone, be careful not to hit the keypad during stimulus. Your mom might not appreciate pre-orgasmic calls. Some may not like the thought of putting their cell phones you-know-where, but like the idea of a vibrator that can discreetly go wherever they go and gets their pulses racing. Enter Fukuoku 9000.
The cell phone must have WAP, wireless application protocol. This protocol, designed for cell phones and other handheld devices, enables those devices to access micro-internet browsers. My roommate's stylish phone was already Internet ready, but check both the website, www.vibelet.com, and your provider to find out if your phone is kitten material.
It's not often that you get to boast the greatness of two and three-fourths inches, but if it's the Fukuoku 9000, you definitely can brag all you want about its mini proportions. Scream if you like—I would. This vibrator fits on the tip of your finger and operates on two watch batteries. Carol Queen, sexologist at Good Vibrations, a company devoted to educating the public about sex with retail stores on the Internet and in San Francisco and Berkeley, Calif., says that its finger-fitting design closely mimics the normal masturbation process, so it is popular with vibrator phobes. Queen says this breakthrough vibrator is also beneficial for people with mobility problems, such as carpal tunnel syndrome because the person doesn't have to hold onto the vibrator — just slip it on your finger and let Fukuoku 9000 do the rest! The price is as small as the toy. At around $25, this vibrator is easy on the wallet and high in fun.
The Fukuoku 9000 isn't the only sexy gizmo breaking new orgasmic levels. AudiOh will be the vibrator that brings back house music. Audi-Oh is a strap-on butterfly vibrator — sans hands — that has an attached pager-like device with a built-in microphone. The microphone picks up sound waves and turns them into vibrations. Play Juan Atkin's Starlight and imagine not only dancing to his techno tunes, but vibrating to them as well. "Many people find sound sexy. Audi-Oh makes it more erotic," says Queen. "Plus, it's an intimate secret in a public place. A form of exhibitionism." The sound waves are not consistent, which also heightens arousal. You never know what vibe you'll get next. But you don't have to play music to be stimulated by Audi-Oh. Voices and other sounds can be picked up by Audi-Oh. Tawdry dirty talk anyone? The bottomline: around $82. Can you afford it?
The Audi-Oh isn't the only device you can wear in public. Remote Butterfly isn't activated by sound waves, but by something your partner will want to hold — a remote control. That's right, your partner is entirely in control of your vibrator and your ecstasy for around $80. A word of wisdom if you wear this one in public: one remote can activate more than one butterfly in the room. Up for group vibrator sex?
Before you hop online and charge that plastic, Queen says there's a few tasks you need to complete. If you're in a relationship and want to include a sex toy in your foreplay routine, talk with your partner. Although sex toys make good presents, you need to do something to make the thought fun. Don't make your partner feel as if he or she is inadequate. Queen's suggestion: show this article to your partner before buying a vibe for yourself or giving one as a V-day gift.
Where to buy:
Good Vibrations, www.goodvibes.com (you have to be at least 21 years of age) Eve's Garden, www.evesgarden.com (you must be at least 18 years of age) Toys in Babeland, www.babeland.com (18 and over)
In Lawrence and Kansas City Area:
Naughty but Nice, 1741 Massachusetts St.
Naughty But Nice, 1741 Massachusetts St.
This store doesn't have Audi-Oh, but could possibly order it. It does carry Fukuoku
9000 but runs out quickly because of popularity.
— Jessaca Massey can be reached at jmassey@kansan.com
2012.04 Juicydog
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