6A the university daily kansan
a legacy in the closet
thursday, february 5, 2004
Queer members rare in sorority system
As an alumna of Zeta Tau Alpha, Trixie came to the University to interview prospective members for a new chapter. Her Southern accent sounded patronizing to Sarah Burris as they spoke about Sarah's involvement in Queers and Allies and the Douglas County AIDS Project. Burris was suddenly sorry she'd worn her Gay Pride T-shirt that day, and when she didn't get a bid, the Lawrence junior thought it was because Trixie didn't approve of her sexuality.
There are fewer lesbian and bisexual sorority women than gay fraternity men, according to both a national survey and anecdotal evidence. On www.Lambda 10.org, Shane Windmeyer's Web site for gay, lesbian and bisexual greeks, people can choose to sign a "Who's Out" list. The men's list is 28 pages long, while the women's is five.
A number of people said sororities were more focused on reputation, and, as a result, tended to exclude queer
years ago are likely to have different viewpoints from current members.
While attitudes of alumni affect the ability of queer women to join sororities, attitudes within chapters affect how open queer members can be. When Robyn Smith joined a sorority at the University of Syracuse in New York, no one knew she was bisexual. She told her chapter only after former members threatened to out her. When the chapter got a new house, no one wanted to room
women. Those people included gay and straight fraternity men, queer sorority women and national experts such as Windmeyer.
Two national surveys suggest women come out later in life and are less likely to adopt labels to describe their sexuality. That means there could be more sorority women who are attracted to or sexually involved with women, but who don't identify themselves as lesbian or bisexual. Queer women might also be discouraged from joining sororities because of stereotypes of greek life.
Julia Hill, the national president of Zeta Tau Alpha, denied Sarah's sexuality was a factor in her disqualification. Officially, she wasn't accepted because she didn't fit the group dynamic. But Hill couldn't explain what that was, beyond good grades and extracurricular activities. Zeta policy prevents recruiters, such as Tixie and local Zeta alumni, from commenting.
Sarah was accepted by many members of Zeta and still hangs out with some of them. Those members told her it was the alumni who had the problem. In fraternities such as Pi Kappa Phi and Sigma Phi Epsilon, alumni have little control over who joins a specific chapter. The same isn't true of most sororites. A member of Zeta at the University said alumni made the final decision and vetoed several applicants the members would have welcomed. Alumni have an interest in maintaining their sorority's reputation because being linked to an unpopular sorority would hurt networking. In addition, popular opinion of homosexuality has changed. Alumni who graduated 10
with her for fear of being labeled as lesbian. After she quit the sorority, Robyn found out that the going rate to trade out of her room was more than $500.
Angie Carr, coordinator for Fraternity and Sorority Life at the University, said women, in general, were more concerned about reputation than men. However, she thought there were other reasons for the dearth of queer sorority women.
Two national surveys suggest women come out later in life and are
less likely to adopt labels to describe their sexuality. That means there could be more sorority women who are attracted to or sexually involved with women, but who don't identify themselves as lesbian or bisexual. Queer women might also be discouraged from joining sororities because of stereotypes of greek life.
Windmeyer and Doug Case said fraternities and gay social circles are both perceived as being the domain of buff, attractive young men with frosted hair and stylish clothes. Look at the pictures in a fraternity brochure and a gay men's magazine, they suggested. You sometimes can't tell the difference between the two.
The same isn't true of sorority and lesbian life. Case said sororities were wrongly perceived as places where high-maintenance blondes scheme to trap a man. He said a woman who already knew she was a lesbian probably wouldn't want to be associated with that. So even if discrimination is less of a factor than most sources said it was, reputation still contributes to the lack of lesbian sorority women.
Maggie Koerth
John Nowak/Special to the Kansan
I WAS A GAY FRAT BOY: Shane Windmeyer came out to his fraternity at Emporia State and was accepted by his brothers. Today, he runs a Web site, www.lambda10.org, devoted to helping other queer Greeks know they aren't alone.
Closet
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women his fraternity brothers took notice of. But Danny noticed men. At first, he thought it was a phase. Every sex education class he'd taken mentioned most guys went through that during puberty. Danny figured he was a late bloomer. But then he turned 20 and started questioning just how late a bloom could be and how long a "phase" could last. He accepted his sexuality in January 1998, and told his parents over spring break. It wasn't until an unseasonably hot April evening that he broke the news to his house.
He remembers sweating. The 60 members of Alpha Epsilon Pi, crammed into their formal room for a chapter meeting, were sweating, too. They were getting cranky. They had sat through a long, dull meeting and here was Danny, wanting to drag it out longer for some announcement.
A tat lump stuck in his windpipe. His heart flopped heavily in his ribcage. I'm going to pass out, he thought. "You're my brothers, I want you to know something about me," he said. And he told them. Silence. More silence. Then they started snapping their fingers in support, and Danny realized he had nothing to fear.
Alpha Epsilon Pi is a traditionally Jewish fraternity, and reformed Judaism does not condemn homosexuality. Besides, this wasn't just any gay guy, this was their buddy Danny.
Later that semester, the Kansan ran a story about how Danny had come out. That was when his life became surreal.
"We had Sigma Kappas singing on our lawn and Tri Deltas sending fruit baskets," he said. "Because of Will & Grace, it was über-trendy to have a gay friend and everyone thought it was great."
Not only that, the greek members knew Danny. They did Rock Chalk with him, they studied with him and they partyed with him. It wasn't a huge stretch to accept him. Danny was honest. Chapters whose members understand that kind of unconditional trust are more likely to accept members who out themselves, Shane Windmeyer said.
When members come out, it's proof they trust their chapter. To keep the social contract that holds the chapter together, straight members must honor that trust with acceptance.
Lack of trust, on the other hand, is punished. There's a sense of betrayal when a member doesn't tell the chapter about something as important as being gay, Windmeyer said. If a chapter rejects a queer member, he said, it's often because the other members felt rejected and deceived when they had to hear the truth from outside the group.
Friendship, ideology and chapter loyalty are the factors that determine whether a queer member is accepted. It's difficult for both queer and straight members to decide which factors they will pay the most attention to, especially when those factors conflict. The dilemma doesn't end when the closet door opens. When queer members start dating, people have to decide all over again whether, and how much they're going to accept.
Often, the greek system doesn't intend to exclude, but does so because of tradition. Social events are built around straight romance, and queer greeks have to adapt.
geeks like Thomas said date dashes at KU were set up as very heterosexual situations. "But a lot of girls don't have boyfriends so they'll bring their gay and bi friends," he said. "The guys end up hooking up and it happens a lot. A lot."
Even so, same-sex couples aren't expected or easily accommodated. As a result, you're about as likely to see two
guys together at a Greek formal as you are to see punks at a Dave Matthews Band concert. They either don't go, or, like Thomas and his boyfriend, they take opposite-sex dates. It is not necessarily discrimination they fear; the awkwardness is worse. It would stand out and no one wants to be a sideshow.
Dating wasn't a problem for Thomas. His fraternity brothers got along with his boyfriend. They treated Thomas' relationship the same way they treated straight members'. Others weren't so lucky. A former member of the University's now-defunct Alpha Kappa Lambda chapter said other members accepted his sexuality, but didn't want to know whom he was dating or the details.
Because two guys together are easier to peg as gay than a guy alone is, dating increases visibility for most gay greeks. That's what some chapters have a problem with. Phil Kappa Tau got along with Thomas' boyfriend, but the boyfriend's fraternity didn't return the sentiment. In fact, the members actively opposed the relationship. They liked both men, but this was more than an issue of friendship. To have one of their own be gay and openly dating another guy could ruin them.
The greek system is based on reputation. Each chapter has a stereotype: the jock house, the party girls, the geeks. Like most stereotypes, they're mostly false, but they can affect recruitment and social status within the community. Being known as the "gay" or "lesbian" chapter could hurt social standing. The fear of losing members is even more horrifying. It's hard to maintain a presence at this University without a house for your chapter. Chapters that can't recruit can't afford their houses. Chapters that lose their houses tend to fade into oblivion.
Several people said fear of gay and lesbian members might be nothing less than a survival instinct.
The coordinator for Sorority and Fraternity Life at the University of Kansas said the University's culture of diversity limited the need to worry about this. She questioned why a fraternity or sorority would want to actively recruit a homophobe. More importantly, why would you want someone to join who would discriminate against other members? That isn't a good way to form strong bonds of sisterhood or brotherhood.
Thomas, however, did see it as an issue here. He never came out in the public way Danny did. Representatives of Phi Kappa Tau asked him to tell the Kansan that they hadn't had a gay member since him, but he didn't think the chapter was ashamed of him.
Rather, he understands how delicate recruitment is. He said the relatively quiet position he took helped his fraternity stay afloat and helped members get over their biases.
People come to school with precon-
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