BY MAGGIE KOERTH
HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE MY FILLINGS
Unfortunately, my new dentist informed me that I have what8 called "viscous saliva." Apparently, it's stickier than mineral saliva and trans particles of ramen and potatoes against my teeth in a waf of goo. Then, as my teeth smooth together (as I told they do after age 18), those bits become stuck between the teeth and fester into five ever deepening tunnels to my nerves.
Fortunately, my new dentist also introduced me to nitrous oxide. Unlike my stingy, sadistic high school dentist, my college dentist is willing to give me another anesthesia for the original anesthesia. It's not something I'd do outside the dental chair, but it's interesting and takes my mind off the needle, instead of long, steely proboscises dancing through my head. I spend my dental surgery contemplating just what the hell is playing over the Muzak PA system.
It is coming to you when whop just whop whop want to whop whop whop have whop fun.
Read well because one of the more interesting effects of nitrous oxide is its ability to make every sound, be it the dentist's voice or a Cyndi Launer song, sound as though it's coming to you through a helicopter blade.
I also spend a lot of time wondering who's picking the music at my dentist's office. The playlist seems to feature typical office Eric Clapton ballads and mellow rock but will, every so often, suddenly toss you something like Cyndi Lauper or the Ramones. Once, they were playing this piano solo that sounded weirdly familiar. After putting as much of my diminished thought processes as possible into interpreting it, I realized that it was a lyric less Muzak version of Niyana's "Come As You Are." I have trouble getting people to believe this wasn't just the nitrous talking.
But my dentist believes me. My dentist understands. The first time he put me on the otusre he stopped midway through drilling to make sure I heard, "She Bop," on the PA. He explained that they try to play a lot of Cyndi Lauper because Cyndi Lauper my dentist is off a first name basis with everybody I produces a very calming effect in his patients.
Anyway, it works for me. Works so well, in fact, that going to the my cavities filled is actually a pleasant experience. I almost look forward to it. Granted, I'm not going to run out and buy a whole box of Lafty Taffy in an attempt to induce cavities anytime soon, but if Fendup with another one it's not going to be such a traumatic experience. Not now that I have a friendly dentist, Cyndi Lauper and plenty of pitrons exile.
Mugde Keerth can be reached at mikdenting.sasan.com
"The dentist comes at you,smiling behind his ninja assassin mask..."