monday,december 8,2003
same-sex couples
the university daily kansan. 5A
5A
BARRIERS: Queer couples strive for normalcy
CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1A
waiting until he graduated to have a commitment ceremony. The ceremony is an emotional step towards a union, but the couple will not gain the benefits of a legal marriage. Landreth said that he was frustrated that heterosexual couples didn't seem to realize the privilege of marriage.
"We would have to spend several thousand dollars to get one-third of the rights two 19-year-olds could get in an hour down at the courthouse," Landreth said.
The couple still is planning for the future, regardless of what barriers face them. The two would like to have children some day. They talked about their desire for a family early on in their relationship. Landreth said.
"He would be a good dad, and I would be the disciplinarian," Landreth said.
The problem is that most states have one-parent adoption laws, said Grothe. Legally the child would only belong to one man and in the case of his death, the child would go to his family, not his partner. Landreth said that he and Grothe would have to write separate wills leaving everything, including custody of a child, to each other.
"We have to fight so hard to be together, but I don't even know who to fight," Landreth said.
Sherrie and Tami
When Sherrie Tucker was offered a faculty position with the University's American studies department two years ago, her first thought was of her partner.
She was terrified at the idea of moving to Kansas because of its conservative stereotype. She
also worried about how the University would react to giving a lesbian couple spousal hire.
Tucker said she had a friend who hadn't received tenure at another university because she was in a lesbian relationship. That couple had to live in separate cities because they couldn't risk losing their jobs.
Tucker knew it was not an option for her to leave her partner of three and a half years, Tami Albin, so when Norman R. Yetman, the chairman of the American studies department, asked her what it would take to get her, she said a job for Albin.
"We wanted very badly to get Sherrie Tucker," Yetman said. "We worked very hard to get her the position she has."
Yetman said spousal hire was
a big issue at major universities. He said he thought more and more academic people were in relationships with other a academics, making it necessary for both to be hired by a university.
Albin, who had the right credentials, was hired as a librarian in the University libraries, and the couple moved from upstate New York to Lawrence.
Tucker said she and Albin had been extremely lucky.
studies department
Unlike the friends Tucker had described, she said she was not worried about bringing Albin to events at the University, nor about going to Albin's work functions.
One concern for the couple was finding housing. They had heard of people being turned away because of their sexuality. But for them, it was not a problem.
Their landlord had told them, with a wink, that Lawrence was a good place to live, Tucker said, laughing.
The University's nondiscriminatory policy states, "It is the policy of the university to prohibit discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation, marital status, and parental status."
Shortly after moving to Kansas,
"There are so many way to look at couples as fragments that come together to be a whole. We are not halves and I don't want to be."
Sherrie Tucker Assistant professor of American studies
It is also the practice of the University to help find employment for the companion of a potential faculty member it wants to hire. The Domestic Partner Accommodation clause made it possible for Tucker to accept the job in the American
the couple had to face an illness.
Albin was treated for appendicitis, and Tucker said she was worried about not being able to visit her in the hospital because she is not legally a
family member.
The couple's biggest struggle has been with citizenship. The couple is split between two countries.
But not only was she allowed to visit, the nurse found Albin a gay doctor who came looking for Tucker right after surgery, Albin said.
Albin, a citizen of Canada, has to renew her work visa every July. If they were a heterosexual couple, a marriage license would
KitLeffler/Kansar
Red Landreth and his partner Jason Grothe relaxed in their home. Landreth said that he and Grothe would have a commitment ceremony, but would still fight for marriage benefits. "The fact that we have to prove anything is frustrating," he said.
After spending time entertaining guests, Sherrie Tucker and Tami Albin, took a break during their early Thanksgiving gathering, held the day before for friends and international students. The couple has been together for three and a half years.
allow Albin to remain in the United States for Tucker's work.
United States of America
Last summer, in the Canadian provinces Ontario and British Columbia, same-sex marriages were legalized, giving these couples the same rights and benefits as heterosexual couples.
Albin said moving to Canada might be a reality if Albin's visa was not renewed. If the two were married in Canada, the marriage would not be recognized in the United States and Albin would most likely be denied her visa.
"There are so many ways to look at couples as fragments that come together to be a whole," Tucker said. "We are not halves and I don't want to be."
"We have to consider the possibility," she said. "But once I live in Canada I can't work in the U.S. for 10 years."
Tucker said she felt the Massachusetts court was setting a precedent for the rest of the country and that she hoped other states would follow. She said American's perception of families needed to change before laws would be changed.
Mark and Chris
Mark Frossard and Chris Nierman don't care that their marriage won't be recognized by Kansas law. They want to make their relationship official.
Frossard, a senior from St. Louis, and Nierman, a graduate student from Lincoln, Neb., will have a commitment ceremony in June. The ceremony, to be held at Liberty Hall, 642 Massachusetts St., will have traditional wedding elements — walking down the aisle, exchanging rings, a best man and a reception — but it will be adapted to Frossard and Nierman's relationship.
Neither man is religious, so they will have a friend officiate. The men exchanged engagement rings, which they will add
LEGAL BENEFITS OF MARRIAGE IN THE UNITED STATES
Social Security benefits when spouse dies
- Ability to petition to have a spouse immigrate if not a U.S. citizen.
Right to take time off from work to take care of a seriously ill spouse under the Family and Medical Leave Act
engravings to for the ceremony.
"It's a celebration of our love and the struggles we have overcome." Frossard said.
Tax-free health insurance benefits.
Source: Human Resource Campaign
The couple chose Liberty Hall for sentimental reasons. It was where Frossard and Nierman first met, and where Nierman proposed last spring.
Since then, the couple has been preparing like any other couple for the big day, booking the location, calling caterers and picking out flowers. Nierman said the difference was the worry of how people will react.
"There is always a little bit of uncertainty as to whether or not people will act negatively when they find out it is two men getting married," he said.
So far, things have run smoothly, Nierman said.
Besides the stress of planning a wedding, Frossard's main struggle is with his family. He said his parents have seen a conflict between his lifestyle and their Catholic religion.
Frossard said his parents were not comfortable with him being in a gay relationship, and he doesn't think they will come to
"My mom is trying to understand, but I don't know if it will ever happen." Frossard said.
Despite their differences, he said he knew that his parents wanted the best for him.
"Ultimately, every parent wants their child to fall in love," he said. "And that's what I'm doing, it's just with a different gender."
Frossard said he thought society had a misconception that gay men could not have a lasting relationship.
"People think that gay men date around," he said. "This relationship is a loving relationship with all the ups and downs like any other."
Nierman has the acceptance of his family, and they will be at the wedding. He said he hoped someday Frossard's parents would change their opinion of the relationship.
"We want to share the excitement of falling in love with someone, with family," Nierman said. "It is important to any relationship to have the people you've grown up with give their emotional support."
Both men will graduate in May and look for jobs, Nierman as a music teacher, and Frossard as a painter. The marriage will not be legally recognized, so the couple will not receive the legal rights of a married couple.
Nierman said he worried about not receiving the same benefits as a heterosexual couple, such as health insurance coverage for spouses.
Nierman said that these problems were constant concerns, but that he was optimistic about the future for gay couples.
"The more it becomes a norm, the less acceptable it will be to discriminate against us," Nierman said.
—Edited by Ashley Marriott
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