4a Opinion --- Friday, May 4, 2001 For comments, contact Chris Borniger or Nathan Willis at 864-4924 or opinion@kansan.com Perspective Arguments about abortion, religion say nothing new I want to rob a bank. And I don't mean robbery as in some white-collar Charles Keating-type swindle, either. I'm angry. Kearing-type swindle, erlier. I'm angry. Why am I so angry? Is it because I've been listening to too much Eminem or sniffing spray paint? No, it's because every time I open the Kansan, I'm confronted with another column about either abortion or religion. This, in itself, is not a horrible thing. What is horrible is that the overwhelming majority of these columns are simple rehashings of the same old dogmas by people who haven't had an original thought in their entire lives. I know it sounds hard to believe, but aboration is not the defining social issue of our time. It's a medical procedure that only a tiny percentage of our population ever chooses to undergo. It is not a declaration of the independence of women, and it will not lead to the downfall of western civilization. The only important thing about the abortion issue is that it is easy to pick a side based on abstract and undebatable beliefs. The religious right and National Organization for Women recognize this and use it to their full advantage. These Matt Overstreet columnist joliet@iansan.com demagogues exploit the abortion issue not because of deep ideological beliefs but to keep themselves in the spotlight. They trick people with fiery talk about this emotional issue to gain support for their non-abortion-related agendas. On both sides, people spout the same old rhetoric; like apes using sign language, they don't understand a word. As with abortion, very rarely does anyone ever have anything original to say about religion. The people who most vocally express their religious beliefs fit easily into two categories, both of which to me are deplorably stereotypical. The first group is the quasi-hip campus Christian type. This guy probably has long hair (just like the musicians in his favorite band, Stryker) and is likely to say stuff like "Jesus was a really cool dude, man." People such as this love to claim that they know Jesus and follow his teachings. For the overwhelming majority, this is not true. They know Jesus about as well as I know Holden Caufield — they have only read about him. Contrary to what they preach, they don't follow his teachings; they just follow the crowd. I don't know Jesus, but if he is truly cool, he wouldn't go anywhere near such a stereotypical and hypocritical crowd. He would be hanging out with me, sitting at the dog track, smoking cigarettes and feeling ticked off. The other group, amazingly, is almost more stereotypical then the hipster Christian type. These people are the ones who, after coming to college, reject their parents' religions and then turn to some equally ridiculous alternative faith. Chances are, anyone you know who comes from a small town and now practices Wicca or speaks of the virtues of Buddhism falls into this category. There is nothing more clichéd then the kid who comes to college and doubts his or her beliefs, only to end up right back where he or she started a few years later. Your parents went through the exact same thing; look at them now. It's the great American stereotype. Let's all rebel in a socially acceptable way for a predetermined amount of time, then settle down for a long and quiet life of patriotic consumption in the suburbs. I'm not trying to tell you what to do. If you want to be an abortion protester, Christian, tree-worshiper or Winger fan, do it. I don't care. All I'm saying is that tonight, instead of watching *Friends*, why don't you spend half an hour thinking about what you believe? Ask yourself whether your actions are based on reason or simply on what is easy or hip. No wait, I take it back. Please don't reflect on your situation. I don't want to be responsible for the violent consequences when you realize how incredibly phony you really are. Overstreet is an Augusta junior in political science. John Trever/TRIBUNE MEDIA SERVICES Heard on the Hill Overall, have you liked your professors or your GTAs more? "GTAs are easier to talk to and go to for problems. They are more available" Allison Stevens Sublette freshman "Probably GTAs. I seem to be closer to them and I know a lot of them in the history department." Elena Detrixhe Concordia sophomore "Professors, because of their experience." Amy Liddy Belleville, Ill., senior "I like GTAs better. They're a whole lot more lenient" Thornton Cherry Chicago junior Perspective Library gnomes helpful when at 'The What?' Mr. College Answer Person has returned. After a much-needed sojourn in the Adidivackets, with a stopover in Rio and Tangiers, not to mention some sightseeing along the Great Wall, he's in fighting shape to conjure another batch of advice. Remember, Mr. College Answer Person's e-mail address is mrcollegeanswerperson@hotmail.com. He'd be delighted to hear from ya'll! I can never find the book I need in Watson Library. Can you help? Mr. College Answer Person is delighted to share the secrets to the enormous building known to its fans as "The What?" Few fully comprehend the vast intricacies of the library or have traveled to all its scintillating nooks and crannies. or most problems, the library gnomes are there to help. They live in the nooks and crannies between books and are easily recognized by their pointy hats and musty odor. Mr. College Answer Person has found the gnome that lives on the four and a- half west stack to be particularly helpful. His name is Kwezzilakeyakey Meandlewheedie, and he'd really like to meet a female gnome sometime. So drop by and say hi. Clay McCuistion columnist opinion@ansen.com If the gnomes don't help, you could always go and ask a card catalog troll. They tend to be prickly, however. In mood and skin. Mr. College Answer Person would advise you bring them a slice of pie. They like banana cream the best. It's not. The drugs you've been taking merely make you think it is. Everyone knows that the sky is actually a mauve-turquoise plaid. Come on! Sober up and set a good example for your kids. Why is the sky blue? I hate your column. I'm sure you're a nice guy and all, but sheshe, [expletive] off. Mr. College Answer Person isn't very fond of you either. He's only trying to help, after all. Ungrateful wretches such as yourself make him ponder the wisdom of devoting his life in selfless service to you lame [expletive]. And Mr. College Answer Person takes exception to the assumption he's a nice guy. He's actually a bitter, evil, twisted person, and would like you to remember that. Or perhaps he's only bitter, evil and twisted to you. Yes, that's it. Dear Mr. College Answer Person: I have been following your column for some time now, and I find it extremely bizarre and bogus to say the least. It seems obvious that you make up and answer your own questions. In other circumstances this could be a diagnosable schizophrenia (or dementia). PLEASE BASE ADVICE ON SOUND PERSONAL EXPERIENCE to maintain some sense of credibility. Hmph. Mr. College Answer Person is not amused. He seems to be reaping the harvest of nasty messages from disgruntled yahoos, some of whom, he has a peculiar premonition, may be elementary school art teachers from his hometown. Mr. College Answer Person would just like to remind his devoted audience that every bit of advice in this column has been painstakingly reviewed by his personal assistant Lizzie van Wheetletums, who's very good at fact-checking when she's not out buying posters of the Back Avenue Lads and In Rhythm, or whatever the popular singing groups of today are called. And with that, Mr. College Answer Person is off to check his e-mail. Perhaps someone will send him a note of congratulations. Or a virus. He's touched that people care at all, really. Editorial McCulition is an El Dorado senior in journalism and English. Postal Service needs relief to stay alive Some small towns, such as Kansas', rely on post offices to give jobs to residents. Anything to help the United States Postal Service, which suffered a $199 million loss last year, is a good idea. On April 4, the U.S. Congress debated a proposal to help cut costs for the U.S. Postal Service: eliminating mail delivery on Saturdays. Thanks to projected losses of $3 billion for this fiscal year despite a one-cent postage increase earlier this year, the proposal is quickly attracting supporters. Because of inflation, rising fuel costs and competition from e-mail, the drop in mail volume has drastically hurt the U.S. Postal Service. Even though postage went up a penny in January, postal managers plan to apply for another increase this summer. If the proposal passes to eliminate Saturday mail delivery, enough money could be saved to allow for a smaller increase in postage rather than a drastic one, which is needed now. Many members of Congress criticized the proposal. "There's nothing that would have ten people's interest in pursuing other forms of delivering mail than that," said Rep. Bob Barr, R-Georghia. But the vice chairman of the post office's governing board, S. David Fineman, said going to five-day service could save a lot of money. "It could offset the amount of the loss that we have, and we would hope that whatever actions we take will be able to cause us to ask for less of a rate increase." In unstable times, this proposal could increase the stability of the Postal Service and avoid another postage increase. Moreover, it would help ensure post offices won't close. That's crucial in rural towns, where post offices are stable places of employment. Members of Congress need to realize that the Postal Service is in need of reform and flexibility to be able to compete with skyrocketing costs and electronic communication. Eliminating Saturday mail delivery is one small step to alleviate the Postal Service's financial losses and ensure Kansas' small towns can keep their post offices. Molly Mueller for the editorial board free all for 364-0500 364-0500 Free for All callers have 20 seconds to speak about any topic they wish. The Kansan reserves the right to edit submissions, and not all of them will be published. Slanderous statements will not be printed. For more comments, go to www.kansan.com. Hi. I think everyone should give Bob Frederick a break because he's actually a nice guy. 丽 Yesterday's comment in the Free for All about carrying sacks around is a Saturday Night Live "Deep Thoughts" ripoff. Way to be creative. 食 Don't be bitter. There are hot girls in architecture; we're just not talking to you. 图 Were you one of those punks who lived in the residence halls as a fresh man? Did you drive your RA crazy? You know they deserve raises. I just wanted to say how ridiculous the article about the basketball team wanting more money was because not only do the rest of us pay for our extras, but we also pay for tuition and board. So they just need to get over themselves and get on with it. i just wanted to say that my coms professor is awesome, and he's even more awesome because he has a mullet. For a school that claims to be so diverse, they don't do a very good job educating the ignorant. Oh, don't we all feel sorry for the poor KU basketball team. You resent that you're exploited and your family must pay for some of your expenses. Welcome to college. I'm pretty talented, but I don't get paid for it. i just wanted to say that my coms professor is awesome, and he's even more awesome because he has a mullet. To the language TA who had his Spanish students do their exercises in sidewalk chalk outside of Wescoe: I just wanted you to know that's the coolest thing I've ever seen. 居 I can assure you that no hippie made a comment about the Kansas quarter not having wheat on it because a hippie would probably respect the farmer enough to want wheat on the quarter. I have so much to say about the KU basketball players not making enough money. But I'll have to wait because I have to go to one of my two jobs because I'm poor, too. If you want to get paid to play basketball,you should go to the NBA. - Hey, my girlfriend is an architecture student, and she's hot. Maybe someone has a hard time finding a girlfriend. I'm a Christian and a leader of the GTA union, GTAC. The Bible tells Christians to take care of the less fortunate. I believe God's will is met by helping KU employees, and we will persevere because what we are doing is right and just. 图 Is fishing in Potter Lake included in my campus fees? 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