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Opinion
Thursday, May 3, 2001
Perspective
For comments, contact Chris Borniger or Nathan Willis at 864-4924 or opinion@kansan.com
Graduation gifts University myths and farewells
I like many graduates, it's hard for me to believe that my five-year stay in
believe that my five-year stay in Lawrence is coming to an end. Looking back on what some say will have been the best years of our lives, I can state that the University of Kansas and Lawrence have both made a huge impact on all corners of my life. I feel fortunate to have had the experiences in Lawrence I did and to have met so many interesting people.
I also feel fortunate to have this space in the Kanson to offer some public thank-yous and give some final words of wisdom to students.
First, any student on the verge of graduation knows that graduating means getting gifts. Whether money or material, the gifts are definitely tokens of the giver's love and best wishes.
Thus, I feel it is only fitting for me to give back to some at the University who made a huge difference in my education and lifestyle. In no particular order:
To the Parking
Department: Individual
thank you notes, wrapped
in pretty pink envelopes.
To The Lazer: Lessons from the guys at KJHK and KANU. They'll show you how it's done.
Ben tatar
columnist
ogionian.kansan.org
To Snow Hall: Glade air freshener. Lots of it.
To Ben Walker: A pitch-back machine and the Tom Emmski baseball training video for kids. (Ben, I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted; it was too hard to wrap dignity).
To Chancellor Hemenway: A list of possible graduation speakers (other than yourself and the provost).
To Bob Frederick; The gift of foresight.
(Sorry, but I couldn't find the game Risk.)
To Roy Williams: A three-city tour every
To Roy Williams: A three-city tour every March.
To alumini/donors/Allen Fieldhouse season-ticket holder: Electroshock therapy.
To the Enrollment Center: Brand-new Commodore 64s.
My next order of business is, unfortunately, one of academic uncertainty or doubt: I know loads about my field of study yet remember nothing from classes that were supposed to make me well rounded.
To 23rd Street: A bypass.
To 20th street Apt.
To alumni/donors/Allen Fieldhouse sea
make me work so why is it that with five years' worth of classes behind me, I still don't understand why the left-turn arrow at 15th and Iowa streets lasts for three seconds? Why does the Kinko's on Massachusetts Street have disco lights? Does anyone who enters Furr's Cafeteria ever come out? And what's the deal with that girl on the Mr. Gatti's commercial?
I may die never knowing the answers to life's toughest questions.
After five years on the same campus, one tends to become an "old wise man," though it makes one realize how naive one may have been as an incoming freshman. For this reason, I hope to clear up some puzzling campus issues for younger generations and hope that it will be passed down to freshmen for years to come.
These are just some of what there is to learn at the University; you find the rest:
Myth: It is bad luck to walk under the Campanile before graduation.
Truth: It is bad luck to be on or near the football team.
Truth: Dr. Dan is a lying punk.
Myth: Dr. Dan at University Book Shop care about students and their school expenses.
Myth: The campus masturbator is a big fan of Puffs Plus.
Truth: The campus masturbator is a big fan of Coke.
Myth: Handing out hot dogs will make people vote for you.
Truth: Handing out hot dogs will make people eat hot dogs
Myth: College is about the sharing and exchanging of ideas.
**truth:** College is about the sharing and exchanging of ideas...and then finding out whose ideas are right.
I could end the way most graduation speeches do by proudly stating how we have climbed up a ladder to find we are at the bottom of a new ladder, but that's cliche and boring. I could say "make the University proud" or "make your parents proud," but that's vague and pride is relative. (Ben Walker, take note.)
Instead, TI simply give我 farewells, a sincere thank you, and urge graduates to do what makes them happiest - other than drink.
tell happiest - other than drumm Cheers!
Teter is a Highland Park, Ill., senior in music education.
Kansan report card
Pass:
Frederick's resignation. Athletics director announces his resignation after 14 years on the job so he can teach in the School of Education. If only the school offered a class on mismanaging an athletics program, then he'd be great for it.
Emissions testing clinic. Environmental group sponsors clinic to test peoples' cars and teach passbyrs a little about pollutants. Now we need a program to test emissions coming from KU on Wheels buses, which don't comply with federal emissions rules. Cough, cough.
Fail:
Chancellor Hemenway. Thousands of students climb dangerous crumbling steps every day, but those will just have to wait. Apparently, the steps to the Outlook — the chancellor's posh house — are higher on the repair priority list. How about "repairing" that repignant monstrosity we call Wescoe Hall?
U. S. Department of Defense. Just as tensions between the United States and China were beginning to ease, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld escalates them by halting all military contacts with China. Of course, such tactics were popular in our relations with the U.S.S.R. in the 1950s, too.
Perspective
Regulating casinos not a sure bet to curb gambling
casino near Lawrence? Cool!
A casino near Lawrence: Cool Some of you might remember last semester's article about the Delaware Tribe of Native Americans, of Bartlesville, Okla., wanting to build a casino in northeast Lawrence.
Anyway, the developers have taken their proposal on to nearby Tonganoxie. If they move forward with their idea, the city would first vote on it, then the state. If all that happens, and it probably will, my guess is the casino would be open in two to three years.
Something that should not be an issue, but probably will is the effect on students and Native Americans.
Students should have just as much responsibility for their money as anybody else. And if I win $300 at the blackjack tables, I'll take that from the Native Americans running the casino. I don't discriminate.
Last summer, I worked at Lakeside Casino in southern Iowa, making change. My most common task was
breaking a slot player's $100 bill into five twenties, so he or she could then put all five bills into a machine. Exciting job, huh?
John
Audlehelm
columnist
I learned that casinos are effective and efficient machines that have one purpose — to separate you from your money. They are designed to overwhelm your senses with cigarette smoke, flashing lights, alcohol and the lure of easy money. Many people also contend that casinos foster crime, gambling addictions, economic problems and immorality. They may be right.
But those are all arguments against gambling, not for making it illegal. What's the difference? I'm glad you asked.
If we make the existence of casinos a legislative issue or an issue to be decided by referendum (as it was in Iowa), we leave casinos at the mercy of the majority. But if we're going to do whatever the majority wants, then why bother having laws at all?
Laws affect only people who aren't smart enough or rich enough to get around them. When casinos came to Kansas City, Mo., lawmakers decided that they would try to legislate them out of existence with a requirement that casinos be on riverboats.
I oppose casino regulation on philosophical grounds. I would guess that the people who are against gambling would be against casino regulation on utilitarian grounds. Why? Because casino regulation just doesn't work.
The law crowded out of the market anybody who wanted to open a casino but was neither rich enough to build a floating casino nor smart enough to figure out that the law did not require the riverboats to go anywhere.
The people who want to legislate casinos out of existence seem to think that the law is the only way to achieve their objective. The law can't change people. It can't stop gambling.
This law, supposedly designed to prevent gam bling, left the market open to an even smaller, richer group of casino owners who are that much better at exploiting would-be gamblers. Ironic. huh?
There are two ways to put casinos out of business. The first is not to go to them. If everybody in America got up tomorrow morning and decided not to gamble, every casino would be out of business by tomorow night.
The second way to put casinos out of business is to win some money and leave. This is tricky, but I assure you, it can be done.
But the first rule of casinos, and all gambling for that matter, is this: Don't gamble with what you can't afford to lose. If we all follow that rule, we'll be OK, without the artificial help of the law and the unjust regulation of private businesses.
Audleheim is Des Moines, Iowa, senior in political science and journalism.
Editorial
No-test policy needs to be more flexible
The prohibition against tests this week should make room for students' needs.
The University of Kansas has a firm policy mandating that finals must be given during finals period. Although the intention of this is to benefit students, the University needs to ensure that the policy does indeed help students and not hurt them.
The policy is in place to make sure students do not have multiple tests crammed into the final few days of class but instead have time to prepare for their finals during finals week. It also prevents professors from scheduling their finals before finals period to start their summer vacations early.
Although the motive behind this policy is good and does help students, it must not be so rigid that it harms students. Students sometimes find themselves in situations that require them to leave campus before the finals period has ended. Some students find jobs or internships that start before the end of finals, while others may have rigid travel arrangements that make it difficult to take finals when scheduled.
With this in mind, it is important that the policy is flexible enough to allow students not to be hindered by a policy that is in place to help them.
Professors need to be flexible, even if it may slightly inconvenience them to make a separate exam. Educational experiences during college do not begin and end in the classroom, and allowances for things that go beyond school should be weighed in certain situations.
Professors also need to follow the policy. Not all do, as many students do have tests in the week before finals. Students who have multiple tests right before finals period are overloaded and have less of a chance at success.
The policy as a whole is sound. It simply needs to allow for individual students to take finals outside of the finals period, allowing them to pursue opportunities that may occur during the weeks of finals.
Emily Haverkamp for the editorial board
free all for 884-8888
Free for All callers have 20 seconds to speak about any topic they wish. The Kansan reserves the right to edit submissions, and not all of them will be published. Sandlerous statements will not be printed. For more comments, go to www.kansan.com.
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Am I the only one who realizes you can get the words bore, whore and grab out of the name George W. Bush?
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Hey, does anyone want to know why the fountain's not on? It's because you morons keep putting soap in it. Stop it so we can leave the fountain on.
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Is it just me or can you find a University of Kansas boy smoking in front of the no smoking entrance of the Carruth O'Leary entrance at all times of the day? Go figure.
I just wanted to thank Sarah Smashr for the excellent article on skinheads. They're finally getting the recognition they deserve. Thank you very much.
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I really wish people would stop quoting the Bible and the Book of Genesis. I mean, how does this apply to me? I'm a Buddhist, for crying out loud.
I'd like to know why the KU administration treats 950 GTAs like their work does not matter when KU's mission is education. But to Chancellor Hemenway, KU's mission is just being cheap.
So since the Daily Kansan gave time to Christians to trash gays, when will we hear from the Nazis and the KKK? Because I'm sure they'd have a lot to say about the campus Blacks and the campus Jews.
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Hey, I was just reading an interview that Jason Williams, the Duke point guard, gave to MSNBC. com., and they asked him who he would pay to see in college basketball next year, and he said he would pay to see Drew Gooden and Kirk Hinrich and the entire Kansas team and how he thought they'd be a good team next year. So from now on, I'm a Duke fan.
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I just want everyone to know if your roommate ever brings home a girl from Alabama, run like hell.
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Yeah, I'm calling in response to the article about Janet Robinson. I'm in her Chem 125 class this semester, and you know what? I haven't learned a darn thing. Article you should write a different article about her.
As a GTA, I just want to say thanks to all my wonderful students. This was probably the best semester I've had at KU. Undergraduate students make me love my job as a GTA.
Those of us down at Murphy Hall really appreciate not having any newspapers down here this morning. Now we have nothing to do during class.
Weirdest thing just happened in my apartment. My roommate gave birth to a soccer ball. Huh.
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