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Opinion
Tuesday, April 3, 2001
For comments, contact Chris Borniger or Nathan Willis at 864-4924 or opinion@kansan.com
Perspective
Breakup brings heart-wrenching self-realization
Springtime means the emergence of girls in tank tops, warm evening runs and budding passion.
Well, two out of three ain't bad.
Considering I'm in my mid-20s, you might find it hard to believe that until recently, I had never had my heart broken. My male friends and I don't usually, of course, ever talk in those terms. We've got our infallible, macho eos to nurture.
We try to convince ourselves that being single has several benefits. It's healthy to date other people. We too young to be in a serious relationship. Won't have to deal with the ex-girlfriend's crazy female hormones. The passion has ebbed, and it is time to move on. (There's never too much passion, by the way of heat that you admit, at least until you
— at least that men admit, at least until you're older than I am.)
One of my weaknesses (and strengthens) is that I have a sensitive side that's often way too sensitive. To overcompensate for this, I often refrain from placing myself in front of the relationship steamroller. I rarely ask a girl out, unless it's very apparent she's interested. I bail out of relationships as soon as I get into them. I never emotionally commit. (Women love to harp
Ryan Dolan columnist
opinion@kansan.com
That's not to say I haven't had mad crushes before upon which I've acted. In the past, I've been somewhat infamous for them among my friends. But it's easy to cultivate lust and pine about some woman, who in most cases is unattainable usually because of: 1) practical reasons, or 2) the fawning, idiosyncra and the wobbly Lincoln-Logs pedestal you've constructed for her.
at that one.) I let companionship and physical intimacy compensate for my impenetrable soul.
Recently, however, I developed a relationship unlike any I had before. Her name is Mary, and she has all the virtuous qualities listed above. In addition, Mary has an energy and depth that touched and lifted me in a way I did not think possible. She reached and grabbed my perspective on life with a tender grasp and shook it so violently that I came tumbling apart.
For better or worse, I have high standards for what I want in a woman. Good looks, an intelligence to rival my own, a little sass, and the ability to laugh or at least pander to my bizarre sense of humor.
She didn't believe in the labels and limitations in which I trapped myself, in which we all trap ourselves. We constantly are analyzing what's wrong with us instead of what's right. We're lazy, fat, slow and stupid. We're sick, mean, dumb and gullible. We're hairy, balding and smelly. We can't do, can't try and can't be.
We warp our minds into not believing in our abilities or our ability to perserve, and thus keeps us from pursuing our true interests and pleasures.
By the time I realized the fear that she'd leave me would actually drive her away, it was too late.
Mary believes in two simple words: love and truth. She believed in me and I did not. And this was our downfall — or more accurately, my downfall
I've tried many things to win her back.
Flowers, arguing, yelling (big mistake), desperate phone calls and passionate e-mails. All were in vain. Emotional manipulation carries you only so far.
I'm left crushed and sorrowful. She's the only woman who's left me tearful because of her absence.
We're friends now.
I am sure if Dante w as alive today, being a "friend" would be on a level of Hell all its own. It would be a diner full of miserable wretches such as myself, a broken air conditioner and crappy service. The jukebox would play "Unchained Melody" continuously, save for occasional rolling black out. You would be left with your memories, a cold cup of coffee and an empty booth staring at you from across the table.
The only thing I have left to give Mary is space and time. I have to use my sorrow and pain, and the lessons of her love, to give to others.
Otherwise, the lesson is lost, and so is our relationship, or any relationship that emerges from the mud of pain, hope and desire.
THE EVER-SPREADING "FOOT-IN-MOUTH" EPIDEMIC
Dolan is a Lawrence junior in film studies.
MOVER2001
u. O. N
Graham Moyer/KANSAN
By the Numbers
122 Percant increase since 1996 in U.S. sales of organic foods.
110 Percent increase since then in U.S. sales of Krispy Kreme Doughnuts.
407 Pounds of marijuana that a private company has been contracted to grow for Canada's health ministry next year.
700 Pounds of marijuana seized in Chicago last December from a 22-year-old's bedroom.
254 Percentage of Washington children who completed an eight-year antismoking program in the 1990s who now smoke regularly.
25. 7 Percentage of children in the program's nonparticipating control group who now smoke.
Source: Harper's Index
Perspective
Helping homeless people means care, not cardboard
There's a new craze on campus, and believe it or not, but it doesn't involve Abercrombie and Fitch.
It involves impersonating homeless people. Student organizations are staging sleepouts in the community to raise money and awareness of homelessness. I think that it is a great idea to
raise money for those in need, but do we really need to impersonate them?
About 10 years ago, Chicago TV journalist Walter Jacobson pulled off a similar stunt. For more than a week, Jacobson shed his trademark suspenders, stepped away from the cameras and lived on the streets as a homeless person. Some praised; most criticized. Aside from it being labeled as a cheap publicity stunt, Jacobson was filleted by
Ben Tatar columnist opinion@kansan.com
different groups for mocking those in need. The difference between being homeless and being an impersonator isn't just having a roof over one's head. Most homeless people are, generally speaking, mentally ill. Jacobson isn't. Most homeless people aren't homeless by choice. Jacobson was. Most importantly, the homeless don't have a finish line or a glimmer of hope at the end of the tunnel. Jacobson did. Not having a home or keeping warm is barely half of the battle.
I removed one of these fliers from a bulletin board, absolutely furious. Who reminds the homeless to bring pillows and flashlights? And as long as the filer stereotyped their bedding, why don't they remind people to wear older clothes? Why didn't they remind people to smear dirt on their faces?
A flier recently posted around campus to promote a sleepout reminds students: "Don't forget cardboard, sleeping bags, pillows and a flashlight."
Dec. 25 means relatively little to me; I'm Jewish. And when you're Jewish, Dec. 25 means everything is closed. Starting in high
school and extending through some of college myself and some friends back home decided to begin making Dec. 25 special.
We would spend a few hours in the evening putting together packages of leftover food, boxes of crackers, some clothing and other items we could do without, and we piled it into a car. We then headed to lower Wacker Drive in downtown Chicago, where many of Chicago's homeless seek refuge, and proceeded to make their Dec. 25 more special by giving them food, clothing and our wishes.
What we did for those people in less than five minutes did more than if we had decided to imitate them for an evening. It had a direct effect on the homeless and it didn't offend.
Moreover, nobody needed to see us doing it for us to make a difference or for it to count
During my five years at the University of Kansas, I have spent some of my mornings at Jubilee Cafe. This is a great way for students and community members allie to get involved and reach out to Lawrence's homeless. Again, it has a direct effect on them and doesn't involve mockery.
We students can't begin to imagine what it's like to be homeless. Day after day we can return to our cozy apartments and stocked wardrobes and pantries, often taking all that we have for granted. For us to shed these luxuries for a day or two at a time to impersonate homeless people is offensive. There is too much that we cannot possibly understand, nor should we have to mock it to raise money for it.
If we can do this for the homeless, then how can we raise money for other groups in need? Should we impersonate physically ill people? How about those with multiple sclerosis? Do drunk driving accidents deserve re-enacts to raise funds for alcohol awareness?
Let's continue to raise money for good causes, but let's improve how it is done. Pushing students into the cold with pillows and flashlights is worthless and borderline offensive.
These people's hearts are surely in the right place, but their tactics lack tact.
Tatar is a Highland Park, III, senior in music education.
Editorial
Constituency bill too weak to be effective
Senators should pass a bill requiring, not suggesting better representation.
Student Senate recently approved a bill stating student senators are expected to meet with groups from their constituencies. The bill makes student senators look as if they care about the people they're elected to represent.
Unfortunately for those students who may be looking forward to actually meeting their representatives in person, the bill is not likely to have much impact.
That's because the bill has no bite. The language of the bill suggests that meeting with constituents in compliance with Senate's Outreach Board is required of each senator. The bill, however, stops short of enforcing the outreach program with any punishment for those who do not comply
In addition to the constituency bill, Student Senate finally implemented punishment for senators who neglect their office hours. The fact that a separate bill now has to be passed just to coerce senators into their own office indicates that many senators have problems fulfilling the burdens that they have on them now.
It now seems unlikely that the new bill will spur any change in relations between senators and those who they represent.
Clearly, Student Senate exists for the student body. Reaching out to students would help students communicate issues that they think Senate should take on. It would also help senators stay on top of student concerns.
Ideally, this bill should improve student-representative relations, but has little chance to do so in the watered-down form in which it was adopted. Student senators should go one step further and adopt an enforcement provision that calls for disciplinary action if the representatives fail to comply with the bill.
Senate's Web site calls for student involvement and continuing Senate's "tradition of making the student body's voice heard." It's disappointing, however, that some senators just aren't willing to take the extra steps to accomplish those goals.
Spencer Farris for the editorial board
Free for all callers have 20 seconds to speak about any topic they wish. The Kansan reserves the right to edit submissions, and not all of them will be published. Slanderous statements will not be printed. For more comments, visit www.kansan.com.
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I just want to say congratulations to the Kansas women's rowing team this weekend. You guys made me proud to call you my teammates.
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Nice work, chemistry department, on scheduling a Chem 184 test during the final game of the NCAA season. Thanks a lot.
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I paid $5 in optional fees to be informed of the events of the Student Legislative Awareness Board. The thing is, I haven't been made aware of any of the events. I haven't received any sort of thing in the mail. In fact, they didn't even tell me that Tuesday is the day we're supposed to vote. I don't understand that because a student, and it's their job to make me legislatively aware. Maybe we need a change, huh?
I hope the Kansan will let the campus know how we can help with the Cayce Thomasson woman who's missing. Keep writing articles about this, and let us know how we can help. I'm sure there are a lot of students and faculty who want to get involved. Thank you.
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The article titled "Woman beaten with ugly stick" was entirely uncalled for and sick. Honestly.
When I got my Gateway computer, I got a pen to go along with it, and it was the best darn pen I've ever had. And it just dried up on me, and now my world is crushed.
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For the girl on the 10th floor of McCollum who has my IDs: Could you call me again? I forget which room is yours.
To the football players who fought at Mrs. E's: Maybe if you put that much effort into your games, you'd win more
I would just like to say to Coach Randall and the baseball team: Keep your heads up. You can get this season turned around. Just have some confidence.
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College girls don't wear enough lip gloss.
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Malcolm X is to Peter Tosh as Martin Luther King is to Bob Marley.
You know what it takes to make it in this world? A good set of eyebrows or at least one good one.
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Who do I have to date on the Kansan to get my comments in the Free for All or how many comments in the Free for All do I have to get in before someone on the Kansan offers to date me?
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