4a
Opinion
Friday, March 30, 2001
Perspective
For comments, contact Chris Borniger or Nathan Willis at 864-4924 or opinion@kansan.com
When in Paris try Pierre's rolls and spear guns
Defying the expectations of decent, respectable people, Mr. College
Answer Person has penned another heaping helping of his advice for the Kansan. Beware.
If you're interested in submitting questions to Mr. College Answer Person, he can be emailed at
mrcollegeanswerperson@hotmail.com. You may see your question in print or online.
Really
I read an article today about a lesbian in Paris who tried to shoot her lover in front of her Arabic class with a spear gun. My
- Perplexed
question is, where would she get the spear gun at?
Mr. College Answer Person himself was a caloy youth in those days of yore, and a feverish blood lust (not to mention an appetite for sugar glazed croissants that bordered on the obsessive) coursed through his veins — making Pierre and his shoppe a favored destination.
Dear Perplexed: You've obviously never heard of Pierre's Bake Shoppe and Spear Gun Emporium, located in the heart of Paris. Many were the days Mr. College Answer Person dropped by Pierre LaCrombei's shoppe of shops to buy a dozen crusty rolls and an up-to-date "Spike uum 5000."
The rolls were unforget-
Clay McCuistion columnist oinion@ansan.com
The frogs were unnurgest table, baked in fragrant butter and delicious with the wholesome fruit jams Pierre sold for a few francs. The "Spike um 5000" delivered smooth and gliding launch action, together with the most effective spear sharpener Mr. College Answer Person ever had used. Together, the combination was one of sheer, uninitiated ecstasy.
Pierre himself was a character, the illegitimate child of a short-lived affair between Charles DeGaule and Julia Child, ready at the slightest provocation to either prepare the tastiest muffins ever to grace a human tongue or fire off a dozen sharp-tipped iron blades from his personally modified "Splatter Mark II."
Your author is older now, and though he has revisited Pierre from time to time, drinking glass upon glass of sweet red wine and reminiscing about the accuracy of the "Gutbuster 1240," he no longer keeps up with spear guns or pastries.
No.
In the Feb. 21 Free For All, someone asked: "How can the Kansan run something as blatantly lifted from Dave Barry as Mr. College Answer Person?" Well — how can it?
Should I get contacts?
Ah, the sweet hedonism of youth!
Mr. College Answer Person has never heard of this "Dave Barry" person and considers it very impolite of this ruffian to question his sterling advice.
Nevertheless, the question wasn't directed to Mr. College Answer Person, but to the Kansan itself. Bearing that in mind, to the College Answer Person directed this nameless schmoe's query to the Kansan's Lawyer in Charge of Dealing with Stupid Anonymous Questions, J. Pierce Foxmaster IV.
Mr. Foxmaster e-mailed the following response:
"Although there are indeed some similarities between Dave Barry's work and the writing of Mr. College Answer Person, one must consider a couple of points.
"First, Mr. College Answer Person is donating his to the 'Kansan' and its Web site. Cutting off this method of publication would perhaps lead to the return of his long-dormant homicidal tendencies. No one would want that. Second, Dave Barry actually has talent."
Although Mr. College Answer Person takes offense at the tone of Mr. Foxmaster's words, he will let them sit for now. Just don't mess with Mr. College Answer Person. He's kept a couple of spear guns from the Paris days.
Was that a threat directed toward a student? I can't believe you'd sink so low!
Of course not. Mr. College Answer Person was merely wondering if the person who asked that annoying question would want to go out hunting rabbits someday. He respects students who voice their opinions — even if the opinions are stupid.
McCuistion is an El Dorado senior in English and journalism.
MOYER2001
u.D.K
Graham Moyer/KANSAN
Heard on the Hill
Do you think your student fees should help finance religious student organizations?
"No, because this is a public university. Technically, we have a separation of church and state."
Becky Rogers Wichita junior
"I say no. It goes against separation of church and state. That is, if the University receives federal money." Jeff Hutchings Atlanta graduate student
"No. There are many religious sects that could benefit from student money. One group is going to be unhappy if another group
David Kessler Lawrence senior
"Everybody is paying money, and if that's where a student's getting involved, then their money deserves to go there." Leah Shulman Overland Park junior
Perspective
Spring Break boredom spawns mental journey
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
Such was my philosophy this spring break. As many University of Kansas students dispersed to exotic locales to drink and be merry, I was stuck in Kansas, broke and weary. So I decided to bring the world to my doorstep. I've included excerpts from my diary in hopes
So I decided to bring the world to my doorstep. I've included exccerpts from my diary in hopes that others can learn from my creative genius.
Saturday, March 17.
Madness. Saw Notre Dame beat Xavier last night.
Going to Bob's house this morning to knock back some green beer, then we'll revel in Westport.
Sunday, March 18.
Woke up this morning with two redheads in a back room at Kelly's Bar in Westport. OK, so it was my blonde girlfriend, Gwyneth, and I was seeing double.
KU won today. Rock Chalk.
Monday, March 19.
Tuesday, March 20. Arrival! Miserable about Gwynle poo, so I dreamt I was walking the sandy beaches in Acapulco. Now, I've got kitty litter all over my room. Downed a dozen Coronas. Blasted some Enrique Iglesias and shook my booty on the back porch. Climbed on railing, slipped and fell five stories. Lucky to walk away with just a separated shoulder. OK, it was five feet, not stories, but I've still got a bump shoulder.
Ryan Dolan columnist
guiorn@kansan.com
Monday, March 19.
Wednesday, March 21. Took my sports page to Einstein's Bagels on Massachusetts Street. Was reminded why I hate the bagel chain when I
Athens, Greece. I am a perpetual romantic tragedy. I fought with Gwynie and made her cry. We broke up, and she's not speaking to me. Cursed gods of Mt. Oread, thou art so cruel!
are their veggie-lite cream cheese, which tastes like a mildew-encrusted locker room.
Friday, March 23. Participated in the one-day student exchange with Morocco Tech University. Its campus looks a lot like Washburn's with that whole desert motif. MTU's Cocoa Puffs are playing in their very own national championship game on CBS Saturday. With the addition of the TV timeouts, they're hoping to finish the game in under six hours. Rocco Choco.
Thursday, March 22. My friends tell me to give my little Gwyn-shul some space. I need their advice and e-mail her only 15 times and leave just three phone messages.
Saturday, March 24. London, England. Jogging along the Kaw River when I ran into Coach Roy Williams and his assistants building a bonfire. In an attempt to rid future squads from the Chenowith Foot-in-Mouth Disease, they burned all the team's uniforms and equipment. To pay for new gear, the University's administration plans to eliminate the English department.
Sunday, March 25. Paris in the spring.
Enjoyed the chilly but pleasant day at the River Market in Kansas City, Mo. Bought some fresh fruit from smelly, hawkish vendors. Sipped a cafe au lait and conversed with other expatriates.
"If people need to learn English, they can go to a community college," said one KU employee who wished to remain anonymous.
Can't wait for school to start tomorrow so I can see all of the tan coeds.
Spotted and bought Gwyn-Gwyn's favorite flowering plant, an androgyny. Walked to her apartment a few blocks away and left them at her doorstep. After six days of tortuous silence, Gwynth called me Sunday night. We had a long, hard talk. All is well.
Editorial Selling AIDS drugs at cost saves lives
Some U.S. drug companies are helping to prolong the lives of afflicted Africans.
U. S. drugmakers are finally working to correct a crisis they ignored for too long — the AIDS epidemic in Africa.
Dolan is a Lawrence junior in film studies.
Pressured by cheap knock-off drugs from companies in nations such as India and Brazil, many major AIDS drug manufacturers have sharply reduced prices for their drugs in Africa.
U. S. companies such as Abbott Laboratories, Bristol-Myers Squibb and Merck & Co. have recently pledged to sell their drugs at cost, generally meaning less than $1,000 a year instead of the more than $10,000 a year that some cost now.
In a continent where 8.9 percent of the adult population has HIV and many people make less than $1,000 a year, slashing thousands of dollars off the prices of AIDS drugs could potentially save millions of lives.
That's a great step in the fight against AIDS, but it is sad that it was competition, not human tragedy, that eventually forced these companies to respond. It is sadder still that some companies, including Pfizer and Roche Holding Ltd., continue to hold
U. S. companies have argued that selling drugs at cost deprives them of the money necessary to research new drugs. Normally, that argument would have merit. But the AIDS epidemic in Africa is so large
— with more than 25 million infected — and so deadly — with more than 17 million dead already
— that it deserves special consideration.
These drugs alone won't cure Africans' problems. By African standards, they're still expensive, and many African governments have refused to deal with the epidemic or set up distribution systems for the drugs. And nothing but a vaccine will eliminate the crisis.
But making these drugs affordable will save lives. For far too long, U.S. drug companies have turned a deaf ear toward Africa, preferring to preserve their profit margins. Now, that is changing. In a battle between money and human life, life is finally starting to win.
for the editorial board
Nathan Willis
free for all 864-0500 864-0500
Free for all callers have 20 seconds to speak about any topic they wish. The Kansan reserves the right to edit submissions, and not all of them will be published. Slanderous statements will not be printed. For more comments, go to www.kansan.com.
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During Alternative Spring Break, I got to see 11 people come together as a group and have a great time.
To J.D. Jenkins, who complained about the background checks from the Kansan because parents or potential employers might find out about their background: Maybe they shouldn't be drunk drunk in the first place.
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Jesus saves.
Do you think the manager of Runza restaurant would get upset if I walked into the restaurant and kept saying, "I Runza this joint." He'd probably get mad, too, because I have back hair.
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I wish everyone would just quit bashing Eric Chenowith. After all, he had a very good career here — for me to pop on.
If we don't recycle and conserve the resources we do have now, later on supply won't fit demand, and you'll have to pay top dollar for a notebook and wonder, gee, why do things cost so much?
I have your Mr. Potato Head, and I'm willing to negotiate. Give me a call.
Has anyone been watching former Jayhawk Paul Pierce, averaging 36.6 points in the last seven games. Can he come back please?
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Drew, you're no Paul Pierce, and even Paul Pierce waited until his junior year to leave.
图
I saw that the Kansas Senate was trying to implement a keg tracking bill. I know underage drinking is against the law, but come on, so is oral sex. What's next? A blow-job tracking bill?
I saw those guys picking outside Wescoe Beach for smokers' rights. But did you ever stop to think about squirrels' rights?
A
Does it make any sense that the tennis program is cut, yet they upgrade the tennis courts?
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Why do guys only talk to girls when they're drunk or the girls are drunk or the girls are really tan from fake baking? Doesn't anyone actually care about the person inside anymore?
Someday the Jayhawk icon will be recognized to be as evil as the Nike Swoosh and the McDonald's arches.
Is it just me or does the CEO at Sprint look like the bad guy from The Matric? That's a little creepy.
I think it's really good how Anschutz Library lets you print for free; otherwise, a lot of people wouldn't be able to print out.
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