hilltopics images people features
wednesday, february 7, 2001
9A
for comments, contact kristielliott at 864-4924 or features@kansan.com
story by liza pehrson photo illustration by melissa carr
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Editor's note: The italicized sections are the editor's thoughts about her attempted suicide.
it was time to move out of the Intensive Care Unit. As the nurse took the IV out of my arm, she explained that I had improved enough physically to move to a different room.
As she unhooked the monitor, she told me the ringing in my ears would stop in a day or so.
"That's one of the side effects of that much aspirin," she said. "So will this make you rethink any future thoughts of suicide?"
"Yeah, definitely," I said, remembering with regret the past two days of stomach pumps, nausea and the looks of worry and confusion from my family.
She pushed my wheelchair down the sterile, white hallway.
Amid the footsteps of the nurse, which echoed on the tile floor. I noticed the extreme quiet. We came to the big double doors with the sign "Authorized Admittance Only—Psychiatric Wing." The nurse pushed the button and the cold mechanical doors swung open.
Twenty-one percent of adults in the United States have some sort of mental illness, according to a study by the National Institute of Mental Health, but about 84 percent do not seek help. This means as many as 5,000 KU students could have some sort of psychological disorder, yet 4,200 will not receive treatment.
Whether it be mood swings, anxiety attacks, anorexia nervosa or schizophrenia, the numbers indicate one in five people lives with some kind of emotional illness.
And, according to a National Mental Health Association fact sheet, mental illness increases slightly in the winter when some people come down with Seasonal Affective Disorder. The disorder, which strikes during the short days of winter, is a temporary type
"As we entered the Psychiatric Wing, my mind flashed back to two days before. I saw myself placing the pills on my bed one, two, three 24,25."
...24,25."
of depression brought on by a lack of exposure to sunlight.
Although counseling for depressive disorders is becoming more acceptable, seeking help still is viewed as a sign of weakness. Professionals, have said overcoming the
feeling of weakness and the stigma attached to it was the first step in climbing back from emotional illness.
John Wade, director of outreach programs at Watkins Memorial Health Center, said the social stigma surrounding mental health issues made it tough for people to seek help. In the past, one could lose her job. Friends and reputation by pursuing counseling.
"The stigma is lessening." Wade said. "But it is still hard for many people to make the call to a counselor if they are having problems."
But Wude said it could be dangerous not to seek help. According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, depressive disorders account for 95 percent of suicides among college students.
As we entered the Psychiatric Wing, my mind flashed back to two days before. I saw myself placing the pills on my bed—one, two, three . . . 24, 25 . . .
I recalled an eerie calmness as I slowly swrot
owed them all. I thought about how the emotional pressure would soon be gone. No more worrying about what people thought of me. No more guilt over the break-up with my ex-boyfriend. No more indecision about the future, which loomed over my head.
At the time, it seemed like the perfect plan. I could finally show my family how much confusion and insecurity I felt. But I damn't consider the hurt and shame I would cause them.
Suddenly, I came back to the present and the seriousness of the situation hit me. I was in a psychiatric hospital — a loony bin. But I wasn't really crazy...was it?
Fear about having mental illness, and uneasiness toward those who suffer psychological problems, stems from its history in the United States, according to a 1999 report.
from the Office of the Surgeon General. Traditionally, family members cared for ill relatives. But with the onset of the industrial age, asylums began caring for patients, isolating them from their community without fully understanding the nature of their disease, the report said.
People in the 19th century didn't make the connection between physiology and mental
Pehrson: received treatment for depression after her suicide attempt
illness. They thought mental disorders originated from a failure to follow moral laws. Doctors of the time only recognized extreme cases of illness such as psychosis or schizophrenia and not disorders such as depression and anxiety. This attitude evolved into a general stigma by the 20th century, the report said.
But in recent years, Surgeon General David Satcher has made it a priority to lessen the stigma surrounding mental illness in the United States.
"We must improve our mental health system to one of caring and support—not blame and stigmatization — so that we can get on with the business of developing sound strategies for suicide and violence prevention," he said in an address.
Furthermore, Satcher wants to help rede fine traditional attitudes about mental illness
"People continue to see mental and physical as separate functions when, in fact, mental functions are physical as well," he said.
I never thought this could happen to me. I was the valedictorian of my high school class. I played tennis, volleyball and the trumpet. I was the band's president. I coached a swim team in the summer, and on the weekends I partied with my friends. Pretty much like any normal teenager.
I didn't come from an abusive family, and I have never been involved in a violent relationship. There is no history of mental illness in my family.
But I have a habit of stuffing my feelings. When I broke off my first serious relationship, I didn't grieve for it. I thought I had moved on. I came to college and realized I didn't want the same things in life as my parents wanted for me. As my frustration with them and their hopes for my future green, I didn't fight back and I didn't talk about it.
Pretty soon, I only knew how to feel angry,
frustrated and sad. I began to feel insecure about the decisions I made before I didn't know I needed help until it was too late.
Symptoms of depression
changes in sleeping patterns and appetite
a significant increase in irritability or sadness
isolation from friends and activities
about mental health, said Donna Shalala, former Secretary of Health and Human Services, in the preface to the Surgeon General's report.
A person does not have to be schizophrenic to seek psychological help. Factors such as genetic makeup and environment help determine the amount of emotional strain a person can handle, according to the NHMA fact sheet.
People may grow up with seemingly identical lives, but some may have a naturally lower tolerance for life's stresses. If this is the case, and a person is unable to cope with the anxiety and stress, psychiatric problems can emerge, according to the fact sheet.
Anyone can develop emotional problems, Wade said, but people with a stronger support group are better suited to deal with them. He said this could make a huge difference.
"The best predictor for coping well is social support," he said.
But unfortunately the demands of college do not always allow for the closeness of family and friends.
Wade said when students left home for the first time, they might have more trouble coping with stress in their new environment. He said although they might have a strong network of friends and family to lean on at home, they may not have as much support away from home.
I talked to the counselors about my current situation. I didn't have my old friends to talk to after I came to KU. My roommates were really nice, but I didn't want them to think I was needy or emotional.
And even though I loved my mother and father, I feared talking to them would result in worried lectures or packaged anecdotes from their youth. I knew they would listen, but they really hear me?
More than that, though, I didn't want anyone to think of me as weak.
College didn't seem like such a big deal — millions of people my age go to college every year. They don't have problems, so why should I?
But the counselors told me that college was a time of many hard transitions. People start new relationships, while old ones change and end. In the meantime, students are learning more about themselves, which often changes the way they relate to their families.
They assured me I wasn't alone.
Even though more people readily accept counseling in general, many still view getting psychological help as a sign of personal weakness, Wade said.
"I could say pretty confidently there are a good chunk of people here at KU who would benefit from counseling but don't come in," he said.
But many Americans have a skewed view
In a study by Counseling and Psychological Services at Watkins, researchers found that people generally accepted the idea of others receiving treatment. Yet when faced with the notion of getting counseling themselves, the reaction was less favorable. Wade said.
"For too long the fear of mental illness has been profoundly destructive to people's lives," she said. "Mental illnesses are just as real as other illnesses, and they are like other illnesses in most ways."
Just as people don't hesitate to see a doctor for a broken bone or pneumonia, people should not hesitate to call a counselor if they feel the need. Wade said they should see mental health in the same light as physical health.
"You're looking at stuff, you're working on it. It takes cuts to that." he said.
And just as physical ailments have noticeable symptoms, so does depression. According to the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistics Manual (DSM-IV), symptoms of depression include: changes in sleeping patterns and appetite, a significant increase in irritability or sadness, and isolation from friends and activities.
"If your whole life is school and work, you're going to struggle," he said.
But preventing problems before they start can be key. Wade said. In fact, he urged students to find balance in their lives.
He suggested taking time to put things into perspective. Busy students tend to get tunnel vision about grades and assignments, and as a result, lose sight of friends and other important relationships. As a remedy, Wade said student should ask themselves what a particular grade, class or conflict will mean in three years.
But if symptoms persist, Wade said to call Watkins and talk to a counselor at CAPS. He said it was extremely important to talk to someone
talk and laugh and talk some more
"It's not at all a sign of weakness," he said.
The three days I spent in the treatment center flew by. Outdoor basketball games and meals helped pass the time between group sessions and appointments with the psychologist.
The other patients in the center weren't schizophrenics or toonies with multiple personalities; they were people—parents, spouses and students. People who didn't quite know how to handle the situations life dealt them. This time gave us all a chance to step back and gain a new perspective on our lives and the world around us.
We didn't get shock treatments or heavy drugs. The doctors didn't put us in dirty straight jackets or throw us in padded cells. They merely encouraged us to talk and cry
As many as 5,000 KU students could have some sort of psychological disorder,yet 4,200 will not receive treatment
talk and laugh and talk some more. The last day, I signed papers promising I would not harm myself. The attendant opened the thick, steel doors and I realized how sheltered the hospital truly was. Not only did the doors keep us inside, they protected us from the pressures and stresses of the world outside. I stepped out the door with renewed self-confidence.
Outside I immediately noticed the beautiful,
vivid colors—the various shades of blue in the
sky and the green hues of the cottonwood trees.
Three days earlier, I almost wasted my chance
to see this.
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