4a Opinion Friday, January 19,2001 For comments, contact Chris Borniger or Nathan Willis at 864-4924 or opinion@kansan.com Perspective Answer Person tackles typical college woes Tired? Depressed? Wondering why you even bothered going into this "college thing?" Let Mr. College Answer Person help. While Mr. College Answer Person is not qualified by any legitimate agency to perform his task, many students (requesting anonymity) swear by his services. Q: I am tired and depressed. I'm even wondering why I bothered going into this "college thing." What should I do? A: Do what the best American college students do in times of stress: Drink. Ha ha, Mr. College Answer Person hopes you realize that was a little joke. In no way does he endorse the consumption of mind-altering beverages to alleviate mental anguish. He recommends you begin taking drugs instead. Ha, ha, he didn't mean that either. Q: How should I study for a test? I don't think of myself as that bright, and I need to do well. A: Some people might tell you to review your notes of class lectures and discussions and skim your past readings. Mr. College Answer Person, however, recommends you give teachers hefty bribes in return for good grades. Tests, in his opinion, are for people not smart Clay McCuistion columnist ogonier@kunsan.com enough to find a way out of them enough to find a way out of them. Mr. College Answer Person has often used the bribery method described above himself. That was the reason he spent five years in a place known as the "Leavenworth Correction Facility." Q: What kind of clothes should I wear to "fit in" on campus? I'm nervous that people might not like me. A: You are right to be nervous about rejection by your peers. After all, it's well known that judgmental and shallow people make the best friends. Best case scenario: Find someone whose look you like (but isn't "weird" or "strange") and copy their clothing. In this way — through imitation and denial of self-expression — you'll be sure to fit in anywhere. Q: My roommate plays loud, annoying music at all hours of the day. He won't turn his tacky tunes down, no matter how nicely I ask. Help me! A: You should acquire annoying music tastes of your own. If possible, buy a large number of opera CDs. These should not be recordings of melodic operas, from the age when people actually enjoyed that sort of thing. whenever your roommate starts blasting his music, retailate by playing the "There's a Wart on My Big Toe" aria from the Phillip Glass Disfigurements of My Body Opera for soprano and kazoo ensemble. Within minutes, your friend will beg you for mercy. Q: Lately, I've been ignoring my studies and playing video games all day. While I know next to nothing about Latvian-Belgo-Croat culture (my major), I have very high scores in PacMan. What's your advice? A: Your taste in video games is behind the times. While a good go-round of *PacMan* is always stimulating, video games have developed considerably. There is a wide array of high-quality games available on CD-ROM, the Internet or one of the higher-end Nintendo or Playstation systems. Mr. College Answer Person recommends you avail yourself to one of these amusement resources. As far as your major goes, he suggests you improvise freely on tests and assignments. Q: Finally, what's the meaning of life? A: If you have to ask, you're not ready to know. Q: Come on, tell me! A: Mr. College Answer Person is rapidly running out of space, and is therefore unable to respond to this question with the length and subtlety it reserves. If you feel generous, though, and want to send him several large, unmarked bills, he will consider revealing the answer to you personally at a later date. McCuluation is an El Dorado senior in English and journalism. Bruno Pieroni/KANSAN Heard on the Hill Is John Ashcroft the right choice to be U.S. Attorney General? "No, because we've seen in Clinton's administration that controversy can only hinder what an elected official can accomplish." Richard Gintowt Palatine, Ill. "No. I think his views are a little too prehistoric for today's society." Mike McCracken Leawood senior Palatine, Ill., sophomore "No. I don't agree with his conservative views. He's against gun control, and he's anti-abortion." Larissa Rothe Salina sophomore "No. He sounds like he's a throwback. Especially the whole Bob Jones University thing." Kale Bruner Lawrence senior Hate crime laws put freedom in jeopardy Taking a break from shamelessly celebrating vile, gay-bashing, misogynistic lowlifes such as Eminem, MTV last week unveiled a documentary about the murder of Matthew Shepard, accompanied by 18 commercial-free hours devoted to raising awareness about hate crimes. This might have been done to appease the professional protesters in the gay rights movement, battle-hardened by their campaign to silence Dr. Laura. The same protesters have been voicing opposition to the network's love affair with Eminem. But whatever the motivation, MTV's project was well done and thought-provoking, and for john McCool columnist spinionkansan.com Proponents of hate crime laws seek to impose extra penalties, such as longer sentences and bigger fines, for criminals whose offences are supposedly motivated by hatred for homosexuals, racial minorities and women. The message is that crimes against people based upon their sex, skin color or sexual orientation are particularly heinous. Thus, society must punish these perpetrators more harshly in the hope of someday eliminating prejudice and hate. This is a commendable goal but a terrible solution. our purposes, it presents an opportunity to explain why hate crime legislation is a bad idea Racism and homophobia are distasteful, but we must understand that there is a huge difference between hating someone and acting on that hatred, just as there is quite a gap between wanting to rob a bank and actually robbing it. You can punish the act, but you can't punish the thought — that's called freedom of speech. Furthermore, the phrase "hate crime" is problematic. One could easily argue that all crimes are hate crimes because criminals display hatred and contempt for our nation's laws. Why should hatred of gays be worse than hatred of civilized, law-abiding people in general? Supporters of hate crime laws want to punish both by increasing perpetrators' sentences based on why they committed the crime. Beat up and rob a wealthy, heterosexual man to buy drugs, get five years in jail; beat up and rob a wealthy, homosexual man because you hate gays, get six or seven? It sends a disturbing message that some lives are more worthy of protection. This is un-American, because here everyone is guaranteed equal protection under the law. Giving certain groups of people extra legal protections won't result in a safer, more tolerant society; it will increase already existing divisions, fuel resentments and harden prejudices. Our goal, I think, should be to hold all lives equally precious, no one being more or less worthy of protection. I'm all for increasing criminal penalties, keeping violent felons in jail longer, and sending a forceful, unambiguous message that law-abiding Americans hate crime — not that we hate some robberies, some assaults and some murders more than others. Hate crime laws also seldom, if ever, punish racially motivated crimes against the majority. Should we assume that these serious crimes are less monstrous than suggested hate crimes? McCool is an Evansville, Ind., graduate student in history. Editorial Refund process obsolete The University should make it easier for students to pick up checks. The University of Kansas is the only Big 12 school where students must stand in line to receive refund checks. Direct deposit should be an option for students to streamline excessive waiting during Financial Aid Scholarship distribution. Check distribution was Friday from 9:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. on the fifth floor of the Kansas Union. By 9 a.m., the line already overflowed through the fourth level, and down to the third. Thankfully, the doors opened early in attempt to offset the line, which eventually tapered off. But not all students could pick up their checks Friday. What about those whose schedules did not accommodate the set distribution time? Beginning Tuesday, refund checks were available to students in Carruth O'Leary Hall. However, the problem with the dates and times of refund pick-up is that students must inevitably wait in line to receive their refunds. The line at the Union was so bad Tuesday that a group of students stood near the front of the line, protesting the current system. They asked the students in line to sign a petition that would make direct deposit an option for students. Victor Torres, bursar from general accounting in the comptroller's office, is responsible for how refunds are distributed to students. "Direct deposit will be an option available to students for future semesters," Torres said. "It would have been made available this semester, but we fell behind schedule." Direct deposit would not increase paperwork for payroll, Torres said, and therefore is a viable solution for students and administrators. Texas A&M, Texas Tech and the University of Nebraska mail refund checks to their students, keeping them from waiting in line. All other Big 12 schools offer direct deposit as an option. The University needs to make sure it follows through with its promise and implements a direct deposit option as soon as possible, so students no longer have to wait in line. Tiffany Knight for the editorial board free for all 8640500 8640500 Free for all callers have 20 seconds to speak about any topic they wish. The Kansan reserves the right to edit submissions, and not all of them will be published. Slandered statements will not be printed. Yeah, when do classes start for second semester? - Free for All's back — game on. I think the book prices are ridiculous. I spent over $400 on books this semester. That on top of tuition — that's way too expensive for an education. - --- When I think about running up and down the court, getting all hot and sweaty, running up and down the court,uh, it really gets me. Hi. I'm calling from North Dakota just to tell the Free for All that I love it so much. - Why does Chenowith not know how to put the ball in the hole? Autoflush toilets are the worst invention of all time. They never work, and that's sick. 图 Thank you so much to the girl who lives in GSP who found my wallet and returned it to me. You are so cool; you saved my life. Thank you. - Drew Gooden's poppin' his collar. 图 - Mv roommate's an Ewok. I think it's nice that you get Chenowith a dictionary so Chenowith can look up the word "dunk." 图 Goodland, Kan., had the first helicopter, and my roommate met a new friend on New Year's. She was big. 图 I definitely love the new starting lineup for the basketball team. - My roommate's best friend just went to study abroad this semester. She's really sad. I feel really bad for her. People who get rides up 14th Street to go to class make me sick. --- The only problem with John Ashcroft is he isn't half the man Janet Reno is. 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