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Friday, April 19, 1991 / University Daily Kansan
Opinion
THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
Earth Day today
KU Environs invites schoolchildren to campus in attempt to promote environmental awareness
In Georgia, the billboard industry is upset because trees on public lands are
constructing motorists' view of billboards Members of the industry have proposed to the state Transportation Board that these offensive trees be cut down to increase billboard visibility. They argue that tree trimming is necessary for the survival of businesses.
Maybe they have not heard, but the Earth's forests are shrinking by 27 million acres a year. The Earth's coat of trees is now one-third smaller than it was in pre-agricultural times.
But thanks to the efforts of many environmental organizations, awareness of the fragile ecosystem is increasing. On April 22, this awareness will be celebrated in an event called Earth Day.
Earth Day began in the late 1960s as part of an environmental movement and has gained momentum over the past 30 years.
Last year millions of people around the world took time out to participate in activities that celebrated the Earth. In Kansas City alone, thousands of people were involved in Earth Day events.
The University of Kansas will celebrate Earth Day '91 today. Environs has invited between 700 and 800 schoolchildren to participate in events on campus, such as environmental storytelling and forming the words "Earth Day" on a large piece of plywood with pieces of trash.
Environs also will set up tables in front of the Kansas Union to distribute information about the environment and answer any questions students might have.
Take advantage of the opportunity. Find out more about the world in which we live. Or just take a look around.
That is what Earth Day is all about. A day set aside to notice . . . and to think.
Jenniter Schultz for the editorial board
Military bases
Defense cuts must be balanced with human needs
Defense Secretary Dick Cheney last Friday encountered howls of protest from politicians fighting his proposal to close or realign 61 domestic military bases and installations.
The legislators claim that their states' imperiled bases are of vital economic, historical or strategic importance, but the Defense Department — uncharacteristically — argues that they have useless useless pork barrels.
Closing and reorganizing the bases would net about $850 million over the cost of the restructuring. After the restructuring, the military would save about $1.7 billion a year.
military would have saved a year.
Those savings could represent an important step toward a reduced post-Cold War defense budget.
Because the cutbacks must be approved by a bipartisan panel, the public can be assured the cuts will not be made capriciously or for political motives.
However, the positive effects of eliminating needless defense expenditures have a human cost.
House Armed Services Committee analysts estimate that the closings would wipe out nearly 70,000 military and civilian jobs by 1997.
Cheney's predictions are more dire. He thinks the closures would force him to lay off 521,000 workers.
When the people who work in cities dependent on the bases are factored in, the magnitude of the effects of closing military bases becomes clear.
A sensible solution would be for the federal government to reinvest a percentage of the savings from the base reorganization into economic development in those communities hardest hit by military cutbacks.
Grants could be administered by a politically balanced panel similar to the one that will review Cheney's promised cuts.
By channeling defense savings into other industries for several years, the government could promote more productive economies in cities that have been subsisting for years on unneeded military bases.
■ Editorialists reflect the opinion of the University Daily Kansas editorial board. Editorials appear in a box on the left side of the page. Editorialists reflect the majority opinion of the board but not necessarily the opinion of the signed opinions.
Opinions expressed in guest and staff columns and cartoons are solely those of the author or artist. Views expressed in columns and cartoons are not necessarily shared by the Kansan.
Chris Siron for the editorial board
Everyone, please rise for the 'Sta-hah-stah-hah-spah-huh?'
Let's test your knowledge of music. Tell me what song these lvrics are from.
1. Oh-dah-lah-hah la-hah-hahahaee-lee-hah-aaand-aaand aaaan-uhuvva-uvva-fruh-hee-heeee
2. Anna homma-duh homma-du du-du hommaaaaaaa.
3. Dee-uh-dee-hah-hah-hah `buh`
`huh-eee-buh-hue-ee-eee-eee-ray`
You say you don't recognize it? Nonsense. Of course you do. It's likely that you've heard and sang it dozens or hundreds of times, depending on your age. Your parents sang it. And probably your grandparents.
You still don't know it? All right I'll throw out a few hints.
It's a very old song. The words were written more than 150 years ago. The melody is even older than that.
You still don't know? Then you go to many opening days at busines
But it's no longer done that way. In recent times, there has developed a sort of informal competition among singers at ballparks, hockey rinks, basketball arenas and other patriotic gathering places to see who can best turn the "Star Spangled Banner" into something most resembling the howls of a maniac locked in the asylum tower.
I'm not sure when and where these free-form interpretations began, although I vaguely remember some
Mike Royko
Syndicated columnist
Of course, when Francis Scott Key wrote that line, as well as the others that precede and follow it, he kept the lyrics much simpler for the human brain to comprehend: "O're the land of the free and the home of the brave." And for many years, that's the way it was sung.
guy named Jose creating a stir a few years ago by opening a World Series with a rendition that sounded like the Star-Spangled Cha-Cha-Cha.
Since then, I have heard the anthem has been performed as the Star-Spangled Rock, the Star-Spangled Disco, the Star-Spangled Gospel, the Star-Spangled Blues, the Star-Spangled Hovenanny, the Star-Spangled Barbershop Quartet and the Star-Spangled Scaled Cat.
A few weeks ago, a woman who sang it before a Chicago Bulls game was thought to have set a record by using a variety of prolonged howls,声情动画， screams and other social artifacts, gauging it out on more than five minutes.
A man who was there told me, "I couldn't understand one word. And, I swear, if I were a Chicago policeman driving on a street in my squad car and I heard those sounds coming from a building, I would radio for backup, then draw my gun and go to the police station. For assumption that a woman was being brutally attacked by a gang of fiends."
I think it is time to draw the line. After all, it is our national anthem. As such, it should be performed with some dignity, rather than sounding as if the singer has been bitten in the rear by a pit bull.
It's doubtful that anyone would stand in center court at Wimbledon or play tennis. Ow-ow-ow guh-ray-hey-hey-hey hew shuqh Qwa-hey-qua-heye-hee
eeen. "That," "God save our gra-
cious queen," ballpark style. The
English would say more than tut-tut,
I'll go.
Nor would they be impressed north of the border if someone gave them:
"Oh-hoo, Cay-hey-cay-neee-dah"
Owah, yes, oawah ahoooa, ahoooa and ney-yeh-yey-tiv-tiwlub-baby-baby-light my-uh fiyla-hah-lah-eeh-uhay-and ("O Canada") Our home and native!"
If Mr. Key could return and be transported to an athletic arena to hear a modern interpretation, he'd recognize the tune, but he'd probably say: "Ah, English is no longer the native tongue?"
And think of the children. Generation after generation of parents brings their children to ballparks to introduce them to the national pastime. Do we want these children later standing up in the assembly hall saying, "No teacher, it starts like this: 'Oh-hah bey cah-yan you-see uh by the daw-haw-haws err-uhr-err-lee-lee-lah-like'?"
Even worse, these wild-eyed renditions of the "Sta-hah bayuh-hapshu-gulled bayuh bayuh-ner-herers" encourage the more excitable, beer-soaked, rock-oriented members of the audience to leap up and clap their hands above their heads and shout, "Wow . . . hey . . . yeah . . go
baby ... go
On the other hand, some musicologists say that the same melody can be traced back to England where it had different lyrics and was a drinking song.
So maybe it isn't totally inappropriate for today's singers to sound as if they just downed a quart of Southern Comfort.
Mike Royko is a syndicated columnist with the Chicago Tribune.
Want to put off studies? Try torturing parents, roommates
As the year rolls along with finals ahead like a big bunk of road-kill you can't swerve to avoid on the highway, the brain begins to drift in some pretty odd directions (how do you think I came up with the road-kil metaphor?)*
As a matter of fact, while I should be working on my research paper, I am instead pondering various ways to annoy friends and family. It is an art form — an acquired talent to push someone to the edge.
Parents are usually the easiest to torture because they are closer to the edge than anyone.
The visit home may be the perfect time to try a couple of new techniques. First of all, your parents are ready. We'll help you come home a completely changed
Matt Walsh
Staff col
individual.
Staff columnist
up to their fears — arrive in a "Free Charles Manson" T-shirt and lime green hotpants. Not that brave? Try this: Walk up to your mom with a worried look on your face. Say to her, "Mom, I have something very important to tell you." As her face mets warmth, she leans into going down, frown she'll pat your hand and say you probably should be sitting down.
"You know all those things you
100, 200, 300, 400, 500, 600, 700, 800, 900, 1000
warned me about drugs and premarial sex?" you ask. "Well, I . . , is that the phone?" and walk out of the room.
After assuring your mother and every relative she called that you have no problems with drugs or otherwise, begin phase two: Remind your parents of their mortality. Put your name down on all the furniture and possessions you want left to you in your parents' will.
"You don't have a will yet?" you ask, again. Your parents begin to check their legs for varicose veins as you walk out of the room.
The best form of mild torture is that which reaps some sort of material gain. For example, how do you learn to eat a steak? D-I-S-O-R-D-E-R. Since your mom is
already sure that you haven't eaten since you last stepped out of her house and away from her casserole-laden retreferrator, all you have to do is eat the bread with experience dicates that copious care packages will follow for weeks after.
In the realms of roommate torture, more sneakiness is involved. I personally enjoy messing with any of my four housemates' minds. One such activity is called "Death by Conway." This procedure involves playing Conway Twity albums near your roommate's ears before he or she awakes. The subconscious humming of such a Twity classic as "Tight Fittin' Jeans" will undoubtedly lead your roommate to loving you about as much as a case of jock itch in a body cast.
Play "Remote Control Mind Screw." This entails the flipping of the channel that your rooie is watching to the Home Shopping Network over and over again with a concealed remote control. The victim will be ordering curnbrum at a circumferential purse results before he knows what hit him.
Drive your roommate slightly insane. Get a large group of your friends together to watch the big game on TV. But don't turn it on. This plan may backfire if your roommate starts cheering at the blank screen.
The level of emotional disturbance following this next technique will be in direct relationship with how deserves a roommate. "Oh, someone called for roomie," "Oh, someone called for
Another fun piece of torture for this kind of roommate is to color the front two teeth of his favorite Victoria's Secret model. Those catalogs are not for women at all. They were meant to show men what they will never have. The fantasy is shattered with the truth that you can't be tough to look lustily at someone who looks like a Tilt-A-Wirl operator at the county fair.
you," and leave it at that.
I could go on and on about new and innovative ways to drive those closest to us completely bonkers, but what's the point?
Oh yeah, I forgot. The point is to waste time instead of study.
Matt Walsh is an Emporia freshman planning to major in journalism.
Loco Locals
by Tom Michaud