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CONTACT
Mike Anderson, Dellwood, Minn. graduate student, and Michelle MacBain, Kansas City, Kan., graduate student, are the hosts of Kansas in Heat, a talk show about sex and relationships that airs Mondays at 9 p.m. on KJHK, 90 7fm and at kjhk.org.
KANSAS IN HEAT // SPRING BREAK CHEATER
> Tackle the sticky world of relationships
// MIKE ANDERSON
Q. My girlfriend of eight months and I spent spring break apart.I went to Mexico,and one night after a lot of drinking I had sex with a girl I met at a bar.Should I tell her I cheated or keep it to myself?
If you decide not to tell her, then you better understand she may never forgive you for lying about this, but she might forgive you if you tell her what happened. Here's what you have going for you: It wasn't with her best friend, it was outside the country and it was spring break. The bad news is that might not matter to her.
A. "The Tell Tale-Heart" by Edgar Allen Poe taught me keeping things like that a secret never works. And cheesy teen movies have taught me keeping a secret like that one from your girlfriend rarely works out either.
I would recommend being honest with her. If you never tell her and she finds out, it will probably be over. In that situation you will have probably lost her trust forever. Relationships have gotten past spring break cheating at eight months; few have gotten past a lie about cheating that lasted for years.
Don't worry so much about how to tell her. Just try it. Whatever you do though, do not use the booze as your key argument for why you won't do it again. You can mention that you are going to cut back, but don't give her the I-got-caught-up-in-the-moment-of-spring-break-and-had-too-much-to-drink excuse. Don't mention who the girl was. Simply use straight mortification and explain why your actions were stupid. The less imagery you use from that night the better. You don't want her to be able to picture you with someone else if you still want her back.
A. You're in quite a pickle. First, ask yourself how committed you are to the relationship. The fact you did cheat, either under the influence (poor excuse, by the way) or not, may be a sign of your true commitment and dedication in establishing a trusting relationship with your girlfriend.
With that being said, an eight-month relationship is still very young. Confessing your one-night stand may not be necessary at this point. If you remain silent about this majorly stupid act, you must be consciously committed to the future of your relationship and know you will never, ever, cheat again. If you ever again find yourself in a similar situation, think back to this moment and the guilt and embarrassment you feel right now. But keep in mind, a secret always has the potential to come back to bite you in the rear. This current loser activity may affect your relationship in the future.
If you do decide to come clean, be prepared for any emotional reaction she may throw your way. It seems as though you established a monogamous relationship with your partner before spring break; you refer to her as your girlfriend. Therefore, she trusted you. It is then up to your girlfriend to give you a second chance or kick you to the curb.
Infidelity is disrespectful and totally unnecessary. You made a choice, now you live with the consequences. Unfortunately, either choice that lies ahead of you will not erase your actions. Good luck, and I hope you won't be such an idiot in the future.
// MICHELLE MACBAIN
Martinez controlled the circle for the entire game. She had a slow start but ended the contest with nine strikeouts and two errors, but she allowed 12 hits. Her nine strikeouts make a career record
**AUGUE:** Prestigious Moskva machine printed a career-high six-strike home run that matched the complete game against Oriole and is now 11.97 from the circle.
Sophomore outheider Maggre Hull hit a single to center field to advance Malazzo. Senior catcher Brittany Hile stepped up and hit a double to center field giving Malazzo enough time to round
Below: Softball gets ready for the game against UMKC by singing the Alma Mater in pregame huddle. The team went 1-1 in the double header with scores of 2-1 UMKC and 4-2 Kansas.
SOFTBALL | 8A
SEE SOFTBALL ON PAGE 8A
Softball Rewind
For more stats from the game, check out page 8A
Offense can't get going as Kansas is shutout
BASEBALL
mvernon@kansan.com
The Jayhawks came into Wednesday's game with a focus on being able to knock in runners once they get on base. They finished the game having left eight runners on base.
MIKE VERNON
The Jayhawks traveled to Springfield, Ill., with hopes of turning around their three-game losing streak, and correcting their woes at the plate. Instead, they were shutout in a 6-0 loss to Missouri State.
"We did get nine hits and two or three balls were hit hard," coach Ritch Price said.
Things didn't go as planned for Kansas as early as the first inning, when senior outfielder Casey Lytle advanced to third base after a wild
pitch. The Jayhawks attempted a double steal that ended up with Lytle getting caught stealing.
"We needed somebody to get a clutch hit," Price said when talking about the fourth inning. "It was really disappointing."
Stanfield successfully completed a bunt single with two outs to start a potential game-changing rally.
Kansas followed up the hustle play with a huge single to left-center from slumping senior shortstop
The Jayhawks missed another big opportunity in the fourth inning with the game still scoreless. Junior designated hitter James
With the Jayhawks woes at the plate continuing to plague their season, the Jayhawks' pitching
RITCH PRICE
Coach
Brandon Macias. With runners on the corners, junior first basemen Zac Elgie grounded into an anticlimatic third out.
"We needed somebody to get a clutch hit. It was really disappointing."
needed to step up and take charge in Springfield.
Sophomore starting pitcher Thomas Taylor had three strong
"He made one really bad pitch. He left the ball up and they clutched up for a two-run two-out single." Price said.
innings for Kansas, holding the Bears scoreless through three before struggling in the fourth. Taylor's night ended after giving up three runs in the fourth.
While things went poorly for the Jayhawks' big picture, their three senior hitters, that had been struggling early in the season, all had multi-hit games. Macias, Lyle and senior outfielder Jimmy Waters stepped up for the Jayhawks, something they had been lacking all season.
Waters, the team's top hitter last season, was two-for-three on the day, and improved his average to .230. Waters has steadily been improving since the start of
"I changed my base, it used to be real wide," Waters said. "We decided I needed to shorten up, keep my head in one place, and be able to see the ball better."
With the senior leaders beginning to pick up the pace, Price hopes the rest will follow.
—Edited by Corey Thibodeaux
"Hopefully those three seniors will keep swinging the bat, and take pressure off of the younger guys," Price said. "It's almost contagious; we just need somebody to get a clutch hit. Once we do that I think the second one and third one will follow"
conference play, and he credits his improvements to some mechanical changes in his swing.
I failed to mention the four NIT appearances by Kentucky and North Carolina over the last 10 years. For half of the student body at Kansas, the Jayhawks have been in the tournament every single year of their life. North Carolina and Kentucky have missed the tournament four times in the last 10 years.
both been six seeds. When you have been a top four seed every year since George W. Bush's first term, upsets are going to happen. Sorry, but it's the law of averages or something like that. In 2005, when Kansas was upset by Bucknell after winning 23 games and capturing the Big 12 Conference title, UCLA was an 11 seed. Do Kansas fans know what an 11 seed even looks like? That same year, Duke lost in the Sweet 16 as a one seed.
Then there were a couple years (2007 and 2008) when Kansas went to another Elite 8 and won some national title or something. In that stretch, Duke lost to VCU in the first round, Kentucky was an eight and 11 seed, and North Carolina fell in the Sweet 16 as a one seed.
I hear about 2006 a lot as well. Another first round loss after winning 25 games and grabbing another Big 12 title, Duke, as a one seed once again, lost in the Sweet 16. Kentucky was an 8 seed that didn't survive the first weekend. Oh, and North Carolina was taken out by George Mason in the second round.
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So as last Sunday's loss is replayed over and over again, this Saturday during the Final Four games, remember that it has been far worse for your blue blooded friends at one time or another. Jayhawks, the country is shocked that you lost. Be worried when they are shocked that you won.
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Edited by Erin Wilbert
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