THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
PAGE 5A
THURSDAY, MARCH 10, 2011
opinion
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I want my boyfriend to think of my cute underwear as a bow on the gift.
UDK, you are too flimsy to read outside in this Kansas wind. Can you start printing on cardboard?
Dear men, please continue to take out the trash, mow the lawn, pump the gas and pay for the dates. Sincerely, sure, I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm giving up Lent for drinking.
I want to go get my car and drive it illegally on campus, so that I can hit all of these people wearing shorts. In all seriousness, though, WTF are they thinking?
Dear dude in the library, just because you have your headphones in does not mean that the rest of us can't hear your music blaring from across the room. Signed, concerned citizen.
Dumb isn't a disability.
I'd rather have sex with a blow up doll than have sex with my girlfriend when she's drunk.
Mammary glands. Giggle
Mother Nature, why do you hate us so? What did we do to you to make you angry enough to snow AND rain at the same time????!
For Lent, I am giving up clothes.
Boom. Done.
I'm giving up my virginity... Call me!
There is a time and a place for everything. That time is called college.
I've got a roommate that wants to buy their own toilet tissue to "save money?" WTF? What's next? You want us to buy our own hand soap too?
You people know that Romeo and Juliet both die right after they get together right?
I hate Roy Williams like I hate Voldemort.
I set up my Twitter account to have Charlie Sheen's tweets sent to my phone. Best decision I've made all week
I just had a hamburger and it tasted really good. Does that make me a bad Catholic?
Charlie Sheen is the new Chuck Norris. . Just go with it.
Uhm, so, this hot girl just walked by. I almost gave her the nod. Then she started smacking her mouth after drinking water. WTF?
You know you are in Templin when people still refer to things as "school nights."
I was feeling kinda crabby, so I popped another addy. Now I'm feeling super great. Now my paper won't be late.
You can't be a ninja because you are getting a college education...
Journalist embodied midwest character
POLITICS
BY LUKE BRINKER
Ibrinker@kansan.com
In the six decades since economist John Kenneth Galbraith coined the phrase "the conventional wisdom," it has largely become a term of opprobrium. Its purveyors, the thinking goes, are reflexive supporters of the status quo, unimaginative in their thoughts. David Broder, the longtime Washington Post columnist who died March 9, embodied establishment in Washington. If there is such a thing as conventional wisdom, the relentlessly centrist pundit was among its most prominent articulators.
But Broder was much more than the consummate Washington insider. A proud product of the Midwest, he never forgot from whence he came. I dined with the itinerant journalist at the Robert J. Dole Institute of Politics
last October and spent a few moments before his lecture chatting with him about the upcoming midterms. Broder was ill, suffering from a particularly unforgiving cough. Nonetheless, he was in sharp mental form, displaying a keen interest in the political pulse of the country as he inquired about the electoral engagement of my fellow college students.
The establishmentarian canard was always unfair to Broder. While the semi-weekly columns he churned out until last month demonstrated a thoroughly moderate, Washingtonian disposition, he regularly made sojourns to such outposts as Lawrence and his native Illinois. Though 81 and in failing health, Broder showed no signs of slowing down when I saw him last fall. He told me that upon leaving Lawrence, he was headed to California to cover that state's gubernatorial and senate races. He was no armchair political observer.
One anecdote is particularly illustrative of the late journalist's character. In the pre-Internet 1976, he prematurely filed a report to the Post indicating the Morris Udall had won Wisconsin's
Democratic presidential primary. When it turned out that Jimmy Carter had emerged the victor, Broder submitted his resignation, ashamed of his journalistic error, Benjamin Bradlee, the Post's executive editor, refused to accept it, not wanting to lose a premier political reporter over one mishap. In our rapid-fire news cycle — one in which getting it first all too often seems more important than getting it right — we could use a few more David Broders, individuals committed to the old-fashioned idea that deliberateness, accuracy and integrity matter.
Brinker is a sophomore in history from Topeka.
HUMOR
I want to work for Sheen, violently
In simpler times, Charlie Sheen's headlines-dominating professional meltdown would have made him a sad, washed-up pariah. He would have been cast to the depths of celebrity hell, with only the distant possibility of a post-rehab comeback giving him the faintest bit of hope for the future.
But things are different in the age of social media. Sheen has instead become a sad, washed-up folk hero, taking the tin cans of drug abuse, possible mental illness and unemployment and turning them into a pool of gold coins that would make Scrooge McDuck jealous.
Thanks to Twitter and the viral nature of today's Internet culture, Sheen's profile is higher than ever: He reached 1 million Twitter followers in record time, drew over 100,000 viewers on his bizarre live Ustream show Saturday night and is raking in lucrative endorsement deals with companies that evidently have no qualms about their products being closely associated with crack cocaine.
What would have once been a flameout of historic proportions is now the birth of a social media empire.
At least, that's what Sheen hopes. To help him with his budding web presence, he is offering a
BY ALEX NICHOLS anichols@kansan.com
paid summer internship - and he's hiring right now. While your boring, non-winning peers are off getting coffee for congressmen and making copies for corporate leaders, you could be, according to his posting on Internships.com, "work[ing] closely with Charlie Sheen in leveraging his social network." Yes, he has his own social network! And you could be the Justin Timberlake to his Jesse Eisenberg!
enough to properly convey the awesome magnitude of my credentials.
Of course, you'll have me to compete with. At first, I decided against applying for the position; I was afraid I might be overqualified. But then I thought, "Is there really such a thing as too much winning?" And then Charlie Sheen came to me in a vision and said, "No.Duh."
That is why I would like to cede the remainder of my column to my internship application. I felt the online application's 75-character limit (seriously) was not
Here are just a few reasons why I should be Charlie Sheen's intern:
*I'm a meme ma-Sheen: Catchphrases like "level 100 war-lock" and "duh, winning" have entered the popular lexicon faster than a Vatican assassin drunk on tiger blood. But Sheen can't keep coming up with these gems on his own! I can work with him to craft new memes about wrestling with rabid unicorns, giving man-birth to win-beasts and other t-shirt-worthy inanities that are sure to keep the revenue stream flowing!
*Sheen + Synergy =
SHEENERGY: I have a sixth sense for brand synergy, and I could help Sheen choose the endorsement deals that will help maintain his sterling image. Four Loko? Sounds good! Baby Bjorn? NO WAY!
*I'm a raving Sheenophant!:
I will say literally anything Charlie Sheen wants to hear! Yes, your theories on 9/11 make sense! No,
you don't sound crazy! Yeah, I hate Chuck Lofre, too! You're the best, Mr. Sheen!
- I'm good with Microsoft Office.
Nichols is a senior from Stilwell in creative writing.
ASSOCIATED PRESS PHOTO COURTESY OF ABC NEWS
Andrea Canning interviews actor Charlie Sheen Feb. 26 in Los Angeles for a Special Edition of 20/20. Sheen told Tanning he is 100 percent clean and plans to show up for work despite CBCS' pulling the plug on this season's production of "Two and a Half Men."
Would you trade lives with Charlie Sheen for a day?
Duh,WINNING!
Park your nonsense.
Really dude, REALLY?
No,but I would apply to be his social media intern.
Tiger blood.
Vote now at KANSAN.COM/POLLS
HUMOR
"My roommate is dirty and won't do the dishes. What do I do?" - Mr.Fake Name
Need advice? Ask our expert columnists and take their advice at your own risk. We posed this question, but we would like to hear from you. Submit your questions to dmscott@kansan.com. Please include your name, your email address,
Please include your name, year, major and hometown.
The simplest thing is to talk to your roommate. Don't be a jerk about it, but ask him to do a load of dishes. If you want, you guys could set up a schedule to make it easier. Or you could do the dishes together; one of you could load and the other could unload. If he still won't help with the dishes, then I dunno. You're kind of screwed. You could retaliate by also refusing to do the dishes, but that would escalate the problem to a whole new level.
Really, the important lesson here is to make sure you room with someone compatible and figure out who will do what chores ahead of time. if you let it slide too long, it might be too late to do anything.
Lou Schumaker is a junior from Overland Park in film and media studies.
If this still doesn't work then the only recourse is to think really hard in their direction and hope that works. This involves not staring at them but lots of thinking about staring at them while the two of you are watching "The Jersey Shore." If we learned anything from Pokemon, it is that you shouldn't fight fire with fire, but instead fight fire with passive aggressive anger.
In order to really get the message across, you should write out your roommate's name using the dishes in the sink. Sometimes people choose to ignore these passive-aggressive behaviors but in a few days time, they will become moldy and much harder to ignore.
While talking to your roommate like an adult is certainly an option, it's hardly the best one. I recommend fighting this fire with passive-aggressive anger by making sure to not do even more dishes than your roommate. Every time you drink something, use a different glass. This will create more dishes than your roommate could ever dream.
Jarod Kilgore is a junior from Lenexa in film and media studies.
Once you let the slobber pour like waterfalls, your friend will be all like, "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? YOU ARE INSANE! DID YOU SPIT IN MY MAC'S CD ROM? I AM CALLING THE POLICE!" And then when you get kicked out of your apartment for spitting all over it, the world is your dish!
So, your roommate is dirty, huh? Well, you know what they say! To put out a fire, spit on it! As in, "spit on your roommate's stuff!" Record collection? Spit on it! Bedroom window curtains? Dribble all over them drapes! XBOX 360? When you're through with it, you could call it the XBOX 3SPITSY (but that would be way too puny, and what is this? a Nick Jr. show?) Cat? Yeah, sure, because those things already spit all over themselves and hate humans!
Chance Carmichael is a junior from Mulvane in film and media studies.
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THE EDITORIAL BOARD
4.4
THE EDITORIAL BOARD
Members of the Kansan Editor Board are Nick Gerik, Alex Garrison, Kelly Stroda, D.M. Scott and Mandy Matney.