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Mike Anderson, Dellwood, Minn. graduate student, and Michelle MacBain, Kansas City, Kan., graduate student, are the hosts of Kansas in Heat, a talk show about sex and relationships that airs Mondays at 9 p.m. on KJHK.
KANSAS IN HEAT // SHY IN THE BEDROOM
> Tackle the sticky world of relationships.
// MIKE ANDERSON
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for about 18 months, and when we met, I thought she was outgoing, confident and a bit crazy. She tried to jump my bones the first night we met. She has since decided that she is really shy and can't express herself unless drunk, and now our sex life is a nightmare. I pretty much always want sex, and she never seems interested and expects 30 minutes of foreplay, initiated by me but only when she might be in the mood. Also, she hates going down on me, which is almost grounds for moving on!
A. This tale of sorrow sounds like a common problem with a different twist. Her early sexual behavior might have been caused by alcohol or an unrequited love situation with a previous guy where she was the pursuer and lost a bit of self-esteem. Now that she knows she has you, she can fall back on a sexual schedule that better suits her. If you believe your sexual compatibility might be too different, that may be grounds for moving on - if that is something that is really important to you in a relationship. The other possibility is that stress from work, school, the relationship or another area is causing a decrease in her libido. I'd first ask her about that possibility and how you can help. Also, something might be causing her to produce less vaginal lubrication, which might make sex painful for her. I'd openly talk to her about her libido and yours; just do it in a nonconfrontational way. Strong libido differences or sexual differences normally do not get better without communication.
Here's what I would try. Don't initiate any type of sex for an extended period of time I'll let you decide how long it should be; it depends how often you see her. In most of these situations, the rejector of sex (your girlfriend) will get turned on by your sudden lack of sexual interest and start to initiate sex.
A. Without being too presumptuous, did you happen to be under the influence the first night you met? It is amazing how alcohol lives up to its reputation as a disinhibitor, don't you think? That said, let's tackle your questions.
First of all, foreplay is almost always an absolute necessity for sexual satisfaction! Foreplay allows stimulation development from numerous parts of the body, which in turn provides muscle relaxation, mental relaxation, blood flow to the genitals and lubrication. Foreplay also allows you and your partner to discover each other's erogenous zones and alternative ways to reach orgasm; this is beneficial for women who cannot orgasm from genital stimulation alone. Have you ever discussed with your girlfriend what turns her on and how she can reach orgasm? Perhaps she requires a different path towards her final destination. Go with her on the journey!
Now, onto the blow job. Inexperience often leads to apprehension. Your girlfriend might need your patience and feedback to learn how to give YOU a blow job. I emphasize YOU because, despite the number of sexual partners you might have during your lifetime, each and every partner will have different sexual needs and desires.
Senior guard Marisha Brown and freshman guard Diana Moore celebrate after teammate Carolyn Davis hits the winning shot Wednesday night at Allen Fieldhouse. The Jayhawks took on fellow Big 12 team Iowa State. The game went into overtime and Kansas won 86-85.
Both you and your partner may need to adjust your techniques to reach your desired sexual satisfaction. Tenderly communicate your frustrations with your partner and disclose to each other your sexual desires. Hopefully, you will rediscover the sexual animal in both of you!
// MICHELLE MACBAIN
WOMEN'S BASKETBALL REWIND
PAGE 7A
Kansas softball team gears up for tournament
BY HANNAH WISE
hwise@kansan.com
Inches of snow and freezing temperatures don't generally comes to mind when thinking about softball season. But for the Kansas softball team, these elements became a harsh reality.
The weather has forced the team to practice indoors on the Ray Evans Football Field at the Anschutz Sports Pavilion. The facility allows the team to get batting practice in and hold full practices for the infield and outfield. However, practicing on the turf creates a number of obstacles for the players.
"We are ready to get out. At some point in time as a team you are done with practice and we are at that point. We are going to go out and work as hard as we can and there are some other schools that are in the same boat as we are," Smith said.
"We can't dive on it or else we will get torn up," said sophomore outfielder Maggie Hull. The ball reacts differently on the turf than it does on the grass or the dirt. When teams are playing outside, a ground ball might hop slightly to the left or the right depending on the condition of the field.
Even though the conditions are different, Coach Megan Smith is not going to let the indoor practices be an excuse for lack of effort.
The team's chance to escape the Kansas cold is finally here.
Kansas is heading to Jacksonville, Fla., to compete this weekend against the University of North Carolina, the University of Buffalo, Bethune-Cookman University and Jacksonville University.
"This first weekend is going to be a great chance for us to see everybody out in action," Smith said.
Smith said this year's team is very different than last year's team, even though it graduated only two infielders. The eight-member freshman class has stepped up to the challenge.
"We have a talented group of freshman. They are going to have their normal freshman ups and downs, but the talent is there and they are going to do a really great job
SEE
SOFTBALL
ON
PAGE 8A
8. Kansas State: Kansas State nearly won a bowl game last year, but loses its only offensive spark, running back Daniel Thomas, who ran for 1,585 yards and 19 touchdowns. Will he replace him? Will the quarterback play improve even a little! Coach Bill Snyder hasn't recruited anyone of note to replace Thomas' production.
9. Iowa State: I give the Cyclones the edge over Kansas here because of the schedule. Both teams have more holes than a block of swiss, but Iowa State gets to host the Jayhawks on Nov. 5, and that might be the tiebreaker in the conference standings.
sour a quiz. 7. Texas Tech: I liked the hire of coach Tommy Tubberville last year and I think he can continue to improve the Red Raiders. Without a quarterback, though, it's hard to see how good Tech can be in 2011.
spark an impressive six-game winning streak heading into the Cotton Bowl, which the Aggies dropped to LSU. Tannehill starting from day one will help this year, along with eight other returning offensive starters.
5. Texas: There is just too much talent in Austin to miss out on another bowl game. Coach Mack Brown landed the nation's fifth-best recruiting class according to ESPN, and the defense returns eight starters. Losing defensive coordinator Will Muschamp to Florida keeps me from putting the Longhorns any higher than fifth.
6. Baylor: Robert Griffin III is the best quarterback no one outside of Big 12 country has heard of. Griffin accounted for 30 touchdowns in 2010, with 22 through the air and eight on the ground. The defense is still a question mark, however.
10. Kansas: Good things are happening for Turner Gill and the football program, it just might take another year to see those improvements. Gill and his staff landed a stellar recruiting class for a disastrous first season. As many as 16 of those freshman will play in 2011 according to Gill, which makes me wonder how much talent he didn't have in 2010. Expect growing pains from the large batch of first year players next season but he excited for 2012
Edited by Corey Thibodeaux