THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
PAGE 5A
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2011
opinion
I'mma get me a backhoe an I'm gonna uproot da tree, cuz I wanna know where d gold at.
I'm extremely disappointed that someone at this school doesn't know how to spell "cancelled."
apps.facebook.com/dailykansan
Please wear your headphones, I don't wanna listen to your bad taste in music while I poop.
IT IS WAY TOO EARLY TO BE CRAMMING THIS MUCH GLYCOLYSIS!!!
Hopefully, I don't fall on my ass going to class today. I fell enough times last week to cover me for the rest of my KU career.
I just realized that the reason I keep showing up to the wrong class in Budig: It's two hours later than I thought. Oops.
You are dumb. You are really really DUMB. Fooo realill.
Allen Fieldhouse is the Madison Square Garden of the NCAA. Actually, Madison Square Garden is the Allen Fieldhouse of the NBA.
I can't believe the guys here are so horny. I mean you didn't even look at the girl, and you already want to do her. I bet you guys will screw any thing that walks on two legs.
GROWVOLUN
I'm a dude, I just think it gives the rest of us a bad name, you are instantly willing to bang anything.
Sounds like someone is either on the rag, or rarely gets noticed by men.
I'm calling dibs on making the "Free For All Killer" movie.
And i'll never go baaaaaacccckkk to my not-having-sex ways of the past!
My roommate farts so loud that I could here it even though both of our doors are closed. Thank god I can't smell it. Hehe.
Whose dealer ISN'T out right now?
New Valentine's Day plan—throw candy hearts at gushy couples on campus.
You know you failed your New Year's resolution when even your fat pants don't fit.
Girlfriend is dragging me to the new Justin Bieber movie. Help. Me.
I wish that all Uggs on campus were suddenly replaced with Nike Dunks. That would make all the girls a lot cooler looking.
Reading Cosmo in the lobby with my floor = hilarious!
Need advice? Ask our expert columnists and take their advice at your own risk. We posed this question, but we would like to hear from you. Submit your questions to dmscott@kansan.com or matmat@kansan.com.
Please include your name, year, major and hometown.
Good
I just got my student loan money, but I don't know what to spend it on. Can you help me out?
First of all, DON'T spend it on a Wii, "The X-Files: The Complete Series" on DVD, on a bunch of junk food, and/or on a bunch of alcohol and weed like some guy that totally isn't me did.
HUMOR
Because, first of all, all of those things will get you fat. I'm lucky enough to have such a great profession (I hate bragging, but in case you didn't know, I'm a non-paid humor columnist and a non-paid stand-up comedian).
Jealous much?) to balance out my fatness.
But if you're fat and poor-which you will be after you blow all your financial aid on weed and bacon and pizza and beef jerky and Pretzel M&Ms (Mmmm ... Pretzel M&Ms).
Bad
Gaining weight is all the rage in Hollywood right now. Ryan Gosling gained sixty pounds for The Lovely Bones, and then was fired because of it; Jared Leto also gained sixty pounds for that one movie, which sucked.
Do not walk through the candy aisle,
because like a siren they will pull you in and
wreck your ship. And by wreck your ship,
I mean they will make you buy like 5 packages.
Apparently sixty pounds is too much, so I recommend stopping at fifty.
then they will make you buy a package.
You should try paying your rent and shiz.
I urge you to use your well-earned money given to you by the government to achieve
what these B-movie stars have achieved.
hence a b movie stars have achieved. The key is to have two 12-packs of soda at all times. One is for your personal refrigerator in your dorm/bedroom, the second is for the passenger seat of your car. This extra soda is essential for the short drives (but such loong walks) between Dairy Queen and Freddy's.
'Cause, and I don't know if you guys know this, they can totally kick you out if you don't pay them! Speaking of that ... Please quit knocking over my igloo! You jerks keep getting snow in my Wii, and you're all up in my M&M bowl!
Chance Carmichael is a junior from Mulvance in creative writing.
Then, after you've gained enough weight,
use what's left of your loan money to buy the
newest iPod to motivate yourself to go to the gym so you can work it all off. The more things change, the more they then go back to where they once were and have the appearance of never changing in the first place. The Circle of Life.
Ugly
Jerod Kilgore is a junior from Lenexa in film and media studies.
I was thinking about your problem and I couldn't come up with anything helpful, so I looked for inspiration in the most obvious of places: "Point Break." It stars Patrick Swayze as Bodhi, the leader of a gang of surfers/criminals who rob banks to finance their surfing trips.
Now, I know what you're gonna say: "But I don't even know how to surf!" and "Surfing all the time will cause me to fall out of school" and "Wait, are you saying we should rob banks?"
dive bar in Missouri, just like Patrick Swayzel
Wat_that was "Road House."
Trust me, though, this idea is genius. We'll get your student loan money, buy some surfboards and then become bouncers at a
Awesome, right?
This is getting too complicated. What's the one where he does ballet with Ferris Bueller's sister? Let's just do that one.
Lou Schumaker is a junior from Overland Park in film and media studies.
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RELIGION
Expand your mind in class enlarge your faith on campus
In one of my classes last week, my religion professor said that when it comes to faith, people are locked in their own personal viewpoints. At first, I thought that was completely bogus. I can practice my religion and still have respect for what others believe. It's hard, however, to have respect for other religions when you don't know anything about them.
While at the university, my goal has been to learn everything I can about journalism. I never figured I would learn so much about my faith life, too.
Education is one way to broaden horizons. Many students on campus want to absorb every tidbit of information on the career choice. It doesn't make any sense to treat religion differently.
Yet college may be the easiest time to expand our horizons and educate ourselves on different beliefs and practices. Education offers the first step in the promotion of religious acceptance. There has never been a better time to explore what others believe, practice and worship. All the tools are right here in Lawrence.
Take a world religions class, attend other religious campus organizations that you are not familiar with, visit one of the many diverse churches. We have so many different religious backgrounds in Lawrence, from Islam to Hindu, and Wiccan to Scientology. I couldn't name them all in this column if I tried.
I have always found it easiest to learn through experience. The university offers so many opportunities to do just that. All students have to do is explore.
Another step to education is devel
BY ALLISON BOND abond@kansan.com
So take advantage of them. Let's not limit ourselves to gathering information on our career choice, but rather let's educate ourselves in other areas,including our faith.The possibilities are endless and who knows what you might learn about others and yourself.
oping personal relationships with others to learn about their culture and religious beliefs. My favorite way to do this at the University is to visit the Muslim Student Association tent during their Islam Awareness Week. Personally talking to others about the reasons for their faith is always interesting.
The more diverse we become in our religious education, the more tolerant we can become of other religious beliefs. We no longer have to be locked in our viewpoints on what it means to be religious. Now is the time we are free to explore, to ask questions and open our minds. Now is the time the opportunities are near.
Bond is a junior from Andover in journalism and religious studies.
U.S. does care about Egypt and its people
The statement that "the government doesn't care that 40 percent of Egyptian families living on less than $2 a day" is dubious at best. It might be more accurate to say that "40 percent of Egyptians live on less than $2 a day," a statistic reported by the Thomas Reuters Foundation and seemingly no one else.
The U.S. government does provide around $1.3 billion in security and military (in some pieces of legislation called peace and security) assistance to Egypt, unfortunately with a portion of it allocated to an internal police/security apparatus known the world-over to be one of the most ruthless and tyrannical. However, a good helping of this also goes to equipping an institution revered and respected by the majority of the Egyptian population, and certainly by every demonstrator in Tahrir Square: the army. Those massive tanks you see parked along the periphery of Tahrir on Ramses, el Falaki Square and the Corniche protecting protesters? Yeah, those are M1 Abrams, unquestionably some of the best military hardware in the world and courtesy of the American people.
While I agree with many points made by Ms. Jawhari in her well written article on the U.S. government's involvement in and with Egypt ("U.S. government should show more concern for Egyptians," Feb. 5th), I couldn't help but notice a few patent inaccuracies.
Yet even then, this as a testament to the fact that the U.S. government does not care about them is a weak argument. According to the World Bank, the global poverty gap at $2 is around 40 percent (in Egypt: 16.2 percent at 2000 figures, the most recent available), so does this mean that the U.S. government doesn't care about over 1 billion people? Hardly.
Lastly, the Muslim Brotherhood (Al-Ikhwan) in Egypt is not designated or "dubbed" even) by the U.S. government as a terrorist organization, nor is it by any other government save for Russians. The southern branch of the Islamic Movement in Occupied Palestine (or Israel, should you prefer), which has its roots in the MB of Egypt, is even represented in the Kneset! To go a step further, the MB in Egypt has said that it will respect the treaty with Israel should it come to power.
Oh, and calling Israel a "superpower" is one hell of a stretch by even the most liberal of definitions.
Alex Pugh is a senior in political science from Stuttgart, Germany.
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