I had graduated high school in the spring of 2007, clueless about my future. Unwilling to pigeonhole myself into a major, much less the concept of college, I decided to take a semester off. My pastor told me about a nonprofit ministry that traveled the country, distributing free groceries to those in need. I figured giving the first fruits of my new adult life to serve others might open me to hear God and feel out what vocation I had in life, if any. At least it would make a good semester-off story if I eventually did attend college, so I signed on.
TAKING LIFE ONE STEP AT A TIME, IN FAITH
I woke up swaying, lying in a houseboat, docked at a place previously described to me as the meth capital of America. Rockaway Beach, Missouri, was once a popular fishing and boating getaway for vacationers, until the White River it sits upon was dammed. Only cold bottom water flowed through now, making the river, and eventually the town, unbearable. Today, boarded-up arcades and ice cream parlors line the town's riverside road that leads past its three main attractions: a gas station, a small bank and a giant billboard that reads "JESUS IS LORD." And across from that billboard, behind the gas station, is the marina where I awoke in a houseboat, seriously questioning the course of my life.
JOSH HAFNER
SPEAK
With support and some cash from my parents, I set off that August for Springfield, Missouri. I met Don, the sweet, silvery-haired man
California who started the organization years back. I also met Brian, whom I'd work with. He was a soft-spoken, serious man pushing 30 and as unsure about life's next step as I was. Three months prior, Briun had a white-collar job with Motorola in Kansas City. But it wasn't fulfilling, and he wanted to serve God, so he quit. Don took us toward the back of the office building to show Brian and me where we'd be请ing. "I know it's not much, but here she is," he said, opening the door to a huge, chunky gold and white Winnebago RV, with at least as many years on her as I had.
Brian and I were given the Winnebago keys and hit the road. Our maiden stop was Rockaway Beach. The town had no place to hook up an RV for power and water, but Don had a small houseboat docked there that we could stay in. Brian parked the Winnie in a gravel lot, under the shadow of the "JESUS IS LORD" sign. I lugged my belongings and waddled across the street, down swaying marina docks to the
Don explained our assignment for the next five months, which was pretty much exactly like MTV's Road Rules, but without the money, TV cameras, or girls — we would travel in the Winnebago, meet with a partnering church and organize a "food drop," whereby a semitruck full of donated groceries would arrive, its contents distributed and a worship service held afterward.
houseboat and found my bed. I felt heavy and the day felt long, so I slept.
I opened my eyes, disoriented. I wasn't used to waking up in houseboats or RVs. I rolled over and looked out the window to total fog. During summer, the intense morning heat would hit the river's icy water, producing an eerie fog. Yet through the fog I could hear footsteps and talking. Brian was up, pacing the dock and talking on his phone.
"So what do we do then? We don't have a contact at the church anymore," he said.
More dock pacing.
"So that's two hours west then? We'll get packed. Okay."
No more dock oacino.
Brian stepped through the boat's hatch with a change of plans. The food drop at Rockaway had fallen through.
"Don's got a church contact a couple hours west in Neosho who'd love to have us. We'll head there tomorrow."
"So what now?" I asked.
I sat in a houseboat in Rockaway Beach, Missouri, surrounded by fog, with nothing on my hands but time, which is always toxic. I thought of friends who'd filled fall schedules last spring, who were moving into dorms and making new friends, drinking shitty beer and falling in love. Did I make a terrible mistake? How did I get here? When I decided to take a semester off, I thought God would have me doing something cooler than this, like delivering bread to orphans, who also had diseases. Or really anything at all. But somehow I was here, doing nothing, in the fog.
That night I crept out to an empty nearby field. If there was anything good about Rockaway, it was the stars. I gazed into the deep, black night bespeckled with white and cried out to God. I paced and I shouted. I pissed and I moaned. My soul felt heavy. With knees buried deep in the grass, I looked into the sky for my answer. It was vast, deep and bright. It stood still in peace, the kind I thought might swallow me if I waited long enough. So I did. I eventually walked back to the boat and my bed, satisfied, if not understanding.
That night I had a dream. In it was Jesus, the white, Sunday school Jesus, with matching robe and blue sash — the one I prayed to as a child. He sat on a rock in front of a river. I sensed his gentleness. It's odd that as much as I'd read and thought about Jesus, as much as I saw him on billboards and greeting cards and everything else, he'd never invaded my dreamscape. And yet there he was, still, almost glowing. Suddenly he opened his mouth and spoke:
"You can be peace, or you can fall to pieces."
His words reverberated and rested before me.
And then, I awoke.
"What's going on now?"
I didn't know what to make of it. I kind of wanted to pretend it didn't happen. So I scribbled every detail into my journal, shut it, and went about my morning. Soon Brian was once again pacing on the deck on his phone, once again in fog. I tried to ready myself for the worst. I failed.
"There was a shooting in Neosho this morning." Brian said, his voice trailing off as he processed. "A gunman came into a church, held the crowd hostage and shot eight people. He killed the pastor."
National headlines confirmed the gunman as Eikan Eilam Siamon. He was 52 and, before injuring five people and killing three on Aug.11, 2007, he worked in a poultry factory. Neosho, a small community of about 10,000, was shocked. And in the midst of this tragedy, we were coming to offer some groceries. Somehow I felt unprepared.
On the drive, I sat silently in the passenger seat, rolling over the dream in my mind: You can be peace, or you can fall to pieces. I struggled with the dream. I struggled with its message. I struggled with being in a hot, busted Winnebago instead of pinning my Ramones poster on a dorm room wall. We rattled up to Meadowlark Church that afternoon and went in to meet the pastor. I walked in, rounded the corner and froze, losing breath and step.
There on the wall was Sunday school Jesus, just as he appeared in the dream. The painting showed him on the rock, white robe, blue sash and all. I stood there dumbfounded, studying him in silence before backing up and slowly turning around. Then I saw a banner on the opposite wall, with big embroidered script: "Let there be peace." I gulped, and a pinprick in my soul told me there was nowhere else I could possibly be besides here, now, in Neosho, Missouri. I would not be falling to pieces on this day. In the next week, Brian and I were able do more than deliver groceries to needy folks in Neosho. We also mourned with them. We cried with them, prayed and sang hymns with them. We broke day-old bread in communion. Peace, in ways big and small, felt near.
Three years later, I'm finally in my last year of college. Professors and relatives often ask about my post-graduation plans, and I tell them I don't know — that it's like a wall of fog two feet before me. But I have no doubt that come May, I'll take a blind step forward, open my eyes, and find that the fog has cleared. I'll be where I'm supposed to be. I just pray it's not Rockaway Beach, Missouri.
12
02
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BY SAMANTHA COLLINS
scollins@kansan.com
Chris Bronson/KANSAN
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A group of University of Kansas students thinks that elementary school girls can benefit from a more practical kind of education, specifically geared toward young females.
ion d
Chelsea Freeman, a freshman from Wichita, helps children from the Boys and Girls Club create handmade ornaments during the Mentors in the Lives of Kids' (M.I.L.K.) annual holiday party in the ballroom of the Kansas Union. M.I.L.K. formed a new group, Girls Club, that promotes social and financial independence for fifth- and sixth-grade girls. The curriculum is designed to empower young girls and teach them that a man isn't necessary for a successful life. The group begins its lessons in January. M.I.L.K. is run by two coordinators, senior Laura Davis and sophomore Carlye Yanker.
number of the tion's Board endowment's Among the considerations, someone with aid in football, realignment in the sport'sort's revenues.
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The on-campus student group Mentors in the Lives of Kids, or M.I.L.K., created a new program, the Girls Club, this year to teach life skills and promote economic self-sufficiency for fifth- and sixth-grade girls. M.I.L.K. is run through the Center for Community Outreach. The Boys and Girls Club of Lawrence provides affordable after-school care for about 1,200 children. Laura Davis, a senior from Lawrence and co-coordinator of M.I.L.K., said the group often worked with the Boys and Girls Club and thought the new program would work well with the children there.
said. "Law for potholes road." May now have annual pothole lasting fix for r.
er and closer,
Carlye Yanker, a sophomore from St. Louis and co-coordinator of M.I.L.K., said she thought it would be easier to work with all
Michael Bednar
The 10-week curriculum addresses issues like stereotypes and how the girls view themselves, how women are viewed in advertisements, spending, credit cards, sales tax, budgeting and savings. The program will start next semester in January.
If you want to get involved with the Mentors in the Lives of Kids, e-mail: milk@ku.edu.
Devon Cantwell, a junior from Topeka and a member of M.I.L.K., said at the end of the program the young girls will hold a bake sale to use their newly learned skills. She said the bake sale would teach the
Davis said stereotypes and expectations of the "perfect woman" often cause young girls to become self-conscious.
girls because successful college women would be running the program.
"They are constantly inundated with imagery of women that they are expected to look like or act like," Davis said.
She said she believed it was important to target girls at an early age to address these issues and the truth surrounding the expectations and stereotypes, which was why a large section of the curriculum was devoted to self-image.
"Any girl or woman who is confident and independent is bound to have a much brighter future," Davis said. "It will be the future that she chooses to have, whatever that may be."
"They can be part of a cool, exclusive girls club." Yanker said.
Davis said she hoped to provide mentorship during the "awkward period" and help girls become individually stronger.
girls that they don't need a man in their lives to be successful.
Report: Number of international students increasing at University
"The man doesn't always have to make the money," Cantwell said.
CAMPUS|3A
International students, who come mainly from China, Saudi Arabia Indonesia and the Republic of Korea, now make up 7 percent of the nearly 30,000-person student body.
FINALS | 3A
For an'A,'do more than study
Students should also take care of their mental and physical well-being to succeed with finals. Student Success has launched a new website with schedules for stress-busting events and exercise classes to help students out with this stressful time of year.
age to the shop for an oil change and tuneup.
"I'm used to hitting potholes
No luck. The mechanics told Strusz, a senior from Republic, Mo., that her rim was cracked and bent. A new one cost her $150.
"As a poor college student, you cross your fingers that this one didn't pop your tire or bend your rim," Strusz said.
If you search "Eudora, KS pothes" on Google, you get 1,500 results. For Topeka, there are 15,000 results. Going east down K-10, DeSoto has 21,000, Olathe has 19,000 and Overland Park has 37,000 Google results.
INDEX
"Notorious"
KU beat out UCLA in the final second after a controversial call sent Mario Little to the free throw line with the game tied at 76 and 0.7 seconds left. Check out our post-game coverage.
But search "Lawrence, KS
10A
Kansas lucks out with late foul call
SEE POTHOLES ON PAGE 3A
Classifieds...8A
Crossword...4A
Cryptoquips...4A
Opinion...5A
Sports...10A
Sudoku...4A
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