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HIT or MISS
How to fend off the drunken losers and search elsewhere to find that special someone. // LESLIE KINSMAN
I 'm tending bar at a greek function in the Crystal Ballroom at The Eldridge Hotel. It's 11:45 p.m. on a Saturday. I've been on my feet for 12 hours and my patience is running thin. "Last call," I scream. The crowd darts at me like a fire alarm
has set off, and my bar is the only exit. These people have been drinking like fish, especially one gentleman with a tie around his head who has cornered a woman. Her disgusted expression is exactly the opposite of what he must have been seeing through his beer goggles, which explains his sloppy yet persistent demeanor. I struggle to watch as she attempts to fend him off. Her friends run over to save her from the disaster at hand. The girls take off and he stumbles out the door after them.
This is just another Saturday for me; witnessing sexually charged college students trying to score. So it came as no surprise after reviewing my self-made online survey and interviews with 22 KU women, to hear that half of those surveyed get hit on once a weekend and 63 percent of them say they follow it with rejection.
Ellie Kraft, Wichita senior, says she gets hit on at least once a weekend, but can easily recall one of the strangest pick-up lines she's ever heard. "One time a guy pulled off his hat as I walked by, put it on my head and said, 'Girl I'm obsessed with your height. There's something dirty about it.' I was just confused and walked away."
Addie Fike, Kansas City junior, says she also gets hit on at least once a weekend at the bars. She says more times than not the guys are drunk and she sends them on their way as politely as possible.
"Typically after being hit on I feel more embarrassed for the guy." Fike says. "I try to be as kind as possible when I'm not interested." Fike says that if the guy persists she'll say she's seeing someone or gesture to one of her guy friends to make the point.
Women can be intimidating to approach because they're usually with a group, says Scott Hill. Lenexa senior and manager at the Hawk, 1340 Ohio St. "The group effect that girls have usually keeps guys away," Hill says. "It's the same in the animal world. The pack of girls has an invisible defense that many guys fear. To woo one
girl, we have to woo the whole group."
There's a better way to meet dudes than at the local pub. "A woman doesn't trust a man's intentions when she is approached in a bar. She assumes that he's liquored-up and is not himself, at best, or being disingenuous with an ulterior motive, at worst," says Debra Condren, author of "Ambition is Not A Dirty Word."
Condren also says that meeting someone in the nightlife setting isn't the ideal kind of story to bring home to the folks. "It sounds a little sleazy meeting in a bar. It's neither a romantic nor a unique story. A woman wants to feel that she is special and inimitable, and that her man spotted those qualities in her. She knows this scenario is not likely to go down in a bar setting."
Natalie Langford, Lenexa senior, says guys at bars are usually more about trying to go home with you than engaging in a conversation to actually get to know you. "Whether they're drunk or not, they've been drinking a bit and inhibitions are quite low. Drinking gives liquid confidence and guys will say things at a bar that they most likely wouldn't say to you in class or at a hangout with mutual friends."
Bars may be the easiest way to meet people, but they can also be the worst, says Tristan Coopersmith, author of MENu DATING: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course. "You have to expect those kinds of guys at the bars. It's the lazy person's way to meet people." Coopersmith also noted that girls may also come off intimidating and unapproachable to guys if they're dressed up when out at bars. She says displaying your true image outside of the bar scene is necessary when trying to meet someone.
"Guys want to meet you as your natural version, not your porn star version. That's why it's important to expand and diversify your dating playground, like meeting people on public transportation, coffee shops and grocery stores. You can have real-life conversations then."
Contributed photo
Hit back. Alcohol may be a great form of liquid courage, but don't let it interfere with your expectation, using the "one" in a bar may not be the easiest task to accomplish, so try venturing to coffee shops and libraries.
DO'S & DON'TS for pickups
Engage eye contact Ask open-ended questions Be a gentleman Ask permission to take him or her away from a group of friends
Compliment on obvious things
Send your friend over to do your job
Ever send over a drink or mystery shot
Look like a cast member from Jersey Shore
Source: Tristan Coopersmith, relationship author
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