WIFI
NOTICE
wescoe wit
lol.
GIRL 1 : I think it would really suck to be thrown into a bottomless pit. You'd die falling.
GIRL 2 : You'd die of starvation first.
Unless someone threw food down after you.
GIRL 1 : Oh my god! You're right! That's weird.
GUY (on phone with girlfriend) :
Hey (girlfriend's name), would you shut up? I love you. Bye.
GUY 1 (in a fake British accent) :
And how are your stocks today,
sir?
GIRL 2: That's because all rocket ships do look like pensises. All of the time.
GIRL 1: Sometimes I think rocket ships look like penises.
GUY 2: Umm...
GUY 1 (continuing accent) :
Hello, mate!
GUY 2: What are you doing?
GUY: I've come to realize that the key to good sportsmanship is feeling good about losing. I don't do that. I'm a winner, dammit!
GIRL : That's what she said that she said!
GIRL 1 : Enjoy your McDonald's!
GIRL 2 : Thanks! I hope you fart soon!
// ABBY OLCESE
celebritweets // STEPHEN COLBERT
Satirist, host of The Colbert Report (@STEPHENATHOME)
a rolling stone gathers no moss. that's the last time i hire keith richards to do my landscaping
6:47 PM Feb 5th
obama canceled the moon exploration program! now we'll never know why it keeps disappearing every month
1:38 PM Feb 4th
when do I get the tiny records to play on my grammy?
11:37 AM Feb 4th
i wonder if the paleo-man is on twitter, or if he only uses social websites that grow in the wild
11:00 PM Feb 3rd
job man tip #47: nobody checks your resume to see if you were really the pope
10:48 PM Feb 3rd
you can't say the republicans haven't created any jobs. what about "michael steele damage controller?" 10:41 PM Feb 3rd
i have my suspicions that a lot of high-ranking military men are gay, explains why their outfits are always bedazzled with ribbons and pins 10.41 PM Feb 3rd
// TAKEN FROM TWITTER.COM BY ABBY OLCESE
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