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Monday, October 11, 1993
OPINION
UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
VIEWPOINT
Jordan, Brett and Ryan gave much to athletics
This month has seen the retirements of Michael Jordan, George Brett and Nolan Ryan, three of America's most prolific sports stars. These graceful athletes provided welcome relief from the troubles of our time, and they will be sorely missed.
The sudden retirement of Jordan surprised many observers. Jordan was at the peak of his career, and he led the Chicago Bulls to three consecutive NBA championships, securing his place as one of basketball's greatest players of all time. However, Jordan had compelling reasons to retire. Burn out, the sudden death of his father and severe media scrutiny of his private life drove him away from the game. Whatever the reasons, the end of Jordan's career is a shock. Jordan, more than any other player, epitomized basketball. Legions of young children dream of "being like Mike."
In contrast to Jordan, Brett's retirement shocked no one. Brett was at the end of a brilliant career, completely spent with the Kansas City Royals. He was part of the team's entire history, from the playoffs in the '70s to the world championship triumph in 1985. Fans will always remember Brett's titanic home runs, his gutsy play in the face of injuries and his Gold Glove-winning play at third base. Brett ended his career in his typical style. He drove in a game-tying run, causing the capacity crowd to roar for one last time. Brett was the best example of a gamer, a player who knew how to win.
Unfortunately, Ryan did not have a chance to end his career in style. Ryan's season ended in September after he tore a tendon in his elbow. The sad end of Ryan's career does not negate the skill he displayed when he was at the top of his game. Ryan had a career other pitchers only dream of: 300 wins, a record seven no-hitters and a strike-out total of more than 5,000. Ryan's blazing fastball and excellent conditioning made him an effective pitcher well past the age of 40, when nearly all other athletes are finished. Ryan certainly has a space reserved for him in the Hall of Fame.
Jordan, Brett, and Ryan are names that bring back memories to any sports fan. Their shoes will never be filled. However, baseball and basketball will continue, and new stars will rise to take their place. They would have it no other way.
MIKE SILVERMAN FOR THE EDITORIAL BOARD
Blood donors needed in lifesaving,competition
No matter what type of Jayhawk you are, your blood is needed. Sign up all this week in the Kansas Union or in front of Wescoe Hall to donate blood for the KU Blood Drive.
The importance of this blood drive cannot be underplayed. Blood drives are responsible for saving countless lives across the country each year.
It takes only about an hour to donate blood, but one donation can save up to three lives.
To boost donations, a competition has been set up between KU and Kansas State. K-State won Saturday's football game so we should take this opportunity to redeem ourselves.
After donating blood each donor will get a free KU Blood Drive T-shirt. Whether you do it for the T-shirt, the competition or just to save lives, make sure you get out and sign up this week.
DAVID BURGETT FOR THE EDITORIAL BOARD
Transition from reality to TV proves difficult
The reason I agreed to be in an episode of a TV situation comedy was that the role was perfect for me. You want to choose your roles carefully as an actor. You want to look for roles in which you can display the range, the depth, the infinitely subtle nuances of your acting talent.
"It's just one word," the director said. "You'll say, 'Howdy.'"
"I'll do it," I said. A role like that comes along once in a lifetime.
The TV show — which still may be on the air as you read this — is called "Dave's World." It's based loosely on a book and some columns that I wrote. I use the term "loosely" very loosely. There's no way that they could take my columns and turn them directly into a TV series; every episode would last four minutes and end with the characters being killed by an exploding toilet.
Lest you think that I have sold out as an artist, let me stress that I have retained total creative control of the show in the sense that, when they send me a check, I can spend it however I want.
COLUMNIST
I worked hard on "Howdy," memorizing it in just days. Depending on the scene, I could deliver the line with various emotional subtexts, including happiness ("Howdy!"), sorrow ("Howdy!"), anger ("Howdy!") and dental problems ("HMPGH").
Then, just before I flew to Los Angeles for filming, the director called to tell me that he had changed myrole. In my new role, I play a man who tries to buy the last air conditioner in an appliance store but gets into a bidding war for it with characters who are based, loosely, on me and my wife, played by Harry Anderson and DeLane Matthews. (Harry Anderson plays me, taller.)
In my new role, I had to say 17 words, not one of which was "Howdy!" I still was memorizing my part when I got to the studio. It was swarming with people: camera people, light people, sound people, bagel people, cream cheese people, people whose sole function — this is a coveted union job, passed down from father to son — is to say "SSHHH" You, the actor, must say your lines with these people staring at you. The actors will do a scene, and the director will say, "OK, that was perfect, but this time, instead of saying, 'What's for dinner?' you say, 'Wait a minute! Benzene is actually a hydrocarbon' and save it with a Norwegian accent."
My lines didn't change much, but while we got ready to film my scene, my nervousness increased. I was supposed to walk up to the appliance clerk and say: "I need an air conditioner." I had gone over this many times, but when the director said "Action!" my brain lost my lines and began rumaging around for them in my memory banks. You could see my skull bulging with effort when I walked on the set, in front of four TV cameras, a vast technical crew and a live studio audience, with no real idea what I was going to say to the clerk ("I need a Howdy").
"That was perfect, Dave," the director said. "But when you say 'Yuppies,' make it smaller."
lines. The director seemed satisfied with my performance, except when Harry Anderson, outbidding me for the air conditioner, handed the clerk takeout sushi and said, "We'll throw in some squid," and I became disgusted and said, "Yuppies." (If you recognize this dialogue, it's because it's similar to the appliance-buying scene in "Hamlet.")
So we reid the scene, and when we approached my last line, I was focused on a smaller "Yuppies." Then, I noticed that the other actors weren't saying anything and that everybody in the studio was staring at me. I clearly had messed up, but I had no idea how. This was a time to think fast, to come up with a clever line that would save the scene. So, I fell down. (It's a nervous habit I have. Ask my wife.)
When I got up, I explained that I'd been waiting for Harry to say the squid line.
But, somehow I remembered my
"They took it out," somebody said.
"They took out the SQUID?" I said.
"The suid is GONE?"
It turned out that everybody else knew this, including the live studio audience. So we had to do that part again with my brain repeating "No squid! Smaller yuppies!" (This would be a good slogan for a restaurant.)
That time we got through it, and my TV career came to an end, and I went back to being, loosely, a newspaper columnist. I have not, however, ruled out the possibility of starring in a spinoff. I am thinking of a dramatic action series about a hero who tries to buy an air conditioner every week.
Dave Berry in a syndicated columnist with the Miami Herald.
LETTER TO THE EDITOR
Lawrence bars should join in recycling effort
Picture this. It is Friday night. Half of KU's students are out having a good time at Lawrence's many bars. They have a few bottles of beer, dance for a while and flirt a little. Then they go home, leaving thousands of beer bottles. Where do these bottles go? In this era of recycling everything — aluminum cans, paper, newsprint, cardboard, plastic milk containers and glass — what
happens to these bottles? Most get thrown in to the trash, then they go to a landfill to be crushed and covered by dirt.
One idea, thought of by KU Environs, is convincing the local bars to introduce recycling programs. In most bars, someone collects all of the empty containers. Instead of throwing them into the trash, why not toss them into a bin for recycling. Reducing the amount of glass thrown away in the city.
they are put into bins for recycling? There are numerous possibilities — perhaps the city recycling project could play a part. Another possibility is local groups taking recycling on as a volunteer project. If enough groups get involved (in the same manner as the Adopt-a-mile program), it would not place a tremendous strain on anyone. Besides, would not it be great to go out and party and be able to say, "I'm just doing it for Mother Earth?" KUEnviron
What happens to the bottles after
Coming out validates homosexual experience
It's a fair question. On the surface, it may seem somewhat silly: So what if you tell people you are gay? But coming out is more than simply stating that you are a homosexual or a bisexual.
Today is National Coming Out Day, which leads many people to ask, "What's coming out?" When they hear it means coming out of the closet, or telling others that you are gay, lesbian or bisexual, many people ask, "Why? What's the big deal about coming out?"
Coming out means admitting to yourself that you have feelings that are as important as anyone else's feelings. Coming out means letting other people know that your experiences are valid, not merely a report in Newsweek. Coming out means helping people realize that bisexual people are not faceless, nameless figments of someone's imagination, but real people who have interests and opinions.
My mother had a difficult time accepting my sexuality. For many years, she did not want to hear or speak about it. But one evening, a coworker, Jane, said that she would rather her child be dead than a homosexual. My mother said she hoped that Jane never would have to make that choice because my mother knew that Jane's son was gay.
I think about the chancellor who said that the University of Kansas would not tolerate discrimination. I think about the courage it took for him to face alumni, faculty, students and staff who disagreed or did not care. I think about the courage it takes when you're not Chancellor Bidugut an 18-year-old whom everyone hates but who wants to have a life like everyone else.
Coming out is not always pleasant. Two years ago, a KU student who had not come out to many people, including his family, attended a Gay and Lesbian Services event. The next day, he was included in a photograph in the Kansan. Someone clipped the photo and sent it unsigned to his family. His father called his son home, withdrew him from school and tried to find a psychiatrist to "cure" him. Though not a positive experience, it illustrates how much people need to learn and hear from people who are out and supportive.
KC TRAUER, Editor
Every day is national coming out day. Every day, each lesbian must decide whether to speak up in class when she hears a dyke joke. Everygay person must decide whether to join co-workers' discussions about their dates the previous night. To do so could mean losing friends, being evicted, being beaten and being despised because of how you feel — not because of anything you may have done. At some point, everyone must decide to tell the truth and fear the consequences or to remain silent and fear the consequences of being discovered.
KANSAN STAFF
KCTRAUER, Editor
JOEHARDER, CHRISTINE LAUE
Managing editors
TOMEBLEN
General manager, news adviser
National Coming Out Day, the event, happens once a year. If you are gay or know someone who is, it is a day to make a difference. The "big deal" about coming out is caring, speaking and listening.
Patrick Dilley is a Lawrence graduate student in higher education.
Editors
Assistant to the editor ... J.R. Clairborne
News ... Stacy Friedman
Editorial ... 1. Terrilyn McCormick
Campus ... Ben Grove
Sports ... Kristi Fogler
Photo ... Kip Chin, Renze Kneeber
Features ... Erza Wolfe
Graphics ... John Paul Fogel
BILL SKEET, Systems coordinator
AMY CASEY
Business manager
AMY STUMBO
Retail sales manager
JEANNE HINES
Sales and marketing adviser
Business Staff
Campus sales mgr ... Ed Schager
Regional Sales mgr ... Jennifer Perrier
National sales mgr ... Jennifer Evanson
Co-op sales mgr ... Bjtyle Focht
Production mgr ... Jennifer Blowey
Kate Burgess
Marketing director ... Shelly McConnell
Creative director ... Brian Pasco
Classified mgr ... Jenice Davis
STAFF COLUMNIST
Letters should be typed, double-spaced and fewer than 200 words. They must include the writer's signature, name, address and telephone number. Writers affiliated with the University of Kansas must include class and homeetown, or faculty or staff position.
Guest columns should be typed, double-spaced and fewer than 700 words. The writer will be required to answer the right to edit or edit letters, guest columns and cartoons. They can be mailed or brought to the Kansan newsroom, 111 Staffer-Flint Hall.
University of Mars
by Joel Francke
I'm hiding from my new roommate, Herb. He's following me everywhere I just won't leave me alone! I'm going to the library to get away from him.