Couples Crossing Cultural lines
Hill topics Feb.26,1996 Page 12A
Illustration by Jeff Steinhouse Story by Susanna Loof
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irish Ballolla can't really say why it is easier for him to date
a woman from his native country of India. He just knows that it is easier than dating a woman from a different culture.
"I have a lot more in common with her than I would with any American girl," said Bailolla, Bangalore, India, graduate
Before Ballolla met his girlfriend, Nisha Patel, a year and a half ago, he dated women from the United States and other non-Indian cultures. Those relationships usually lasted only for a few months. Ballolla said the main reason for his lasting relationship with Patel was their compatible personalities. But their common culture also has helped, he said.
"We don't have to cross as many cultural hurdles and boundaries," he said. Patel, a Kansas City.
Patel, a Kansas City Kan., senior. who grew
up with her Indian family in Kenya, also said her and Ballolla's common culture was an advantage. She has never dated non-Indian men, because it is no accepted by her culture and her family.
"It is preferable that you date withi your culture," she said.
KU students who prefer to date within their cultural groups. Leo Chang, Hong Kong senior, said he thought that most of the more than 300 Chinese students here preferred to date within their ethnic group.
Ballolla and Patel are just two of me
The ties created by their common culture, language and traditions made it hard for them to date people from other cultures.hr
"For example, American people always say 'I love you.' Chinese people don't do that. If you have to say it to somebody then you are a failure because you don't do enough to show your love."
Lee Chang Hong Kong senior
said. Chinese interact with one another differently from the way Americans interact we said.
"For example, American people always say 'I love you,'" Gang said. "Chinese people don't do that. If you have to say it to somebody, then you are a failure because you don't do enough to show your love."
But even though differences between cultures have caused many KU students to choose to date within their cultures, others see
"It makes life very exciting," he said. "There's never a dull moment."
Jason Crawford, Lawrence senior, said the relationship between him and his Russian fiancée Ella, who lives in Germany, was more adventurous than a relationship within the American culture would be.
ferences as exciting challenges.
Students at KU find challenges and benefits in dating people from ethnic groups even though m spoke German had the linguistic native German. different than their own.
Crawford and Ella met when Crawford studied in Germany. That was not advantage because they both were for signers, Crawford said. And even though
both of them spoke German, neither had the linguistic skills of a native German.
"That helped a lot, because it put us on equal ground," Crawford said.
But despite the equal ground, there still were differences between the cultures.
One was whistling, Crawford said. "We whistle because we're happy, and they whistle to beg," he said.
Another difference was choosing when to do the dishes. Crawford said he would prefer leaving late-night dishes until the next morning, but that was not possible for Ella.
"It's not that they don't like you," he said.
Raj Subedi, Kathmandu, Nepal, graduate student, said he thought many people dated within their own culture because they did not know people from other cultures.
"Her grandmother had told her when she was young that the devil comes and licks your bowls and cups when you're asleep," Crawford said.
Crawford said that his only fear about the relationship was hurting Ella because of lack of knowledge about her culture. But most KU students probably were afraid of dating someone from a different culture because they felt more comfortable with people from a common background, he said.
Subedi, who has lived in the United States for 10 years, has dated an American woman for eight years. He said the relationship had been difficult in the beginning because he and his girlfriend did not know each other's cultures and didn't share a common past. Another problem was that Subedi really did
"They just don't know who you are."
not know what dating was. In Nepal, parents usually arranged marriages, so dating didn't exist.
but by learning from and adjusting to each other, they have made the relationship last. One difference the two had to overcome was their view of love and romance. Subedi said he did not feel as comfortable as his girlfriend when it came to holding hands or kissing in public. Nor could he express his feelings as well as she.
"But said.
the feelings to us that she sent:
"But I learned to adjust to that." Subedi
In return, ibadi's girlfriend learned to be more open-minded, he said.
necessary in cross-cultural relationships, said Beth Powers, who teaches international students at the Applied English Center.
"It is a challenge because it requires a lot more patience and a really, really open mind," she said.
"She learned that person from a different culture can give the same love she had received from her other boyfriends," he said.
Powers, whose husband is Chinese, said this challenge also was an advantage.
Being open-minded is
But no matter how open Powers and her husband are toward each other, there are things they can't share because they grew up in different cultures. An example is the decade of the 1970s, Powers said. She connects the '70s to bell-bottoms and polyester, while her husband connects it to Mao Zedong, the Chinese revolutionary leader who headed the Communist party and died in 1976.
"It challenges you to be more open," she said.
"It's hard not being able to share those things," she said. "But on the other hand, I have somebody who can teach me even more instead of reflecting my own opinions back."
"It is a challenge because it requires a lot more patience and a really, really open mind."
Beth Powers, who teaches at the Applied English Center.
Weird
A February Reuters news service report profiled New York City dental hygienist Carol Meyer, who charges $125 for a "breath makeover," specializing in people who have developed halitosis phobias that might discourage employment or promotion opportunities or clicking with that special someone. She uses two tools, the "computerized gum thermometer" and the "gas sensor" that detects sulphur compounds. Her most important recommended regimen: swabbing the tongue with disinfectant.
An unidentified 31-year-old man was sentenced to 20 lashes in Teheran in
October after a prank backfired. He had bet his father about $30 that he could dress in a robe and veils and ride unnoticed in the women's section of a segregated municipal bus, but he was detected because he failed to wear women's shoes underneath the robe. A court ruled the prank was obscene.
In November in Quantico, Va., Christopher P. Emond, 18, pleaded guilty to making a false police report. He had hired two men to shoot him simply to impress to his friends that he was privy to military secrets. Emond was wounded, but not seriously.
Thomas Springer, 46, was arrested in October and charged with bank robbery in Vienna, Va. He might have escaped had he not decided to stop during his getaway to urinate along the side of the road. A disgusted neighbor called 911 and wrote down Springer's tag number.
One of the finalists in a Los Angeles radio station's crazy-stunt Super Bowl promotion in January was Mike Garcia, 25, who planned to swallow his glass eye, regurgitate it and reinsert it. Despite a large pre-stunt breakfast of steak, eggs and a six-pack of beer, which made him vomit for 15 minutes,
In September, a 13-year-old girl identified only as Charlotte was in New York City with her mother to appear on a Sally Jessy Raphael show with the theme of adolescent girls who dress like sluts. Charlotte's mother gave her permission to leave their hotel room for a few minutes, and during that time, Charlotte was picked up by a 22-year-
the glass eye did not come back up by the end of the contest. Reported the Torrance Daily Breeze, "So Garcia left with an empty left eye socket, a strong buzz, soiled clothing—and the prospect of shilling out $1,500 for a new eve."
old man, had sex with him, and later was allegedly imprisoned by him against her will for days before being found by police.
4
In an out-of-court settlement in September, Henry Heepe, who killed his mother in Akron, Ohio, in 1994 and mutilated her body thinking she was a vampire, inherited part of her $500,000 estate. (Ohio law prohibits only those found guilty of murder from inheriting the deceased's estate, but Heepe was found "not guilty by reason of insanity"). However, his victory was short-lived, because Heepe committed suicide in December while in custody.