The Virginity crossroads: Saving it or Sharing it
Story by Teresa Veazey
nas remained at its post for 40 years.
ou won't hear this on any campus tour. Legend has it that when a virgin graduates from the University, the bronze Jayhawk in front of Strong Hall will fly away. A gift from the class of 1956, the Jayhawk is at its point for 40 years.
In light of National Condom Day, Protect a Sweetheart Week and Valentine's Day, tis't the season of love, romance and sex for many KU students. But not every student experiences sex, and some haven't experienced it at all.
The American Heritage Dictionary defines a virgin as "a person who has not experienced sexual intercourse." But does this definition help decide who is and who isn't a virgin?
Using the library
When you just say the word virginity, its definition can be different from one person to the next, said Dennis Dailey, professor of social welfare and certified sexologist.
On the flip side, Dailey said he knows men and women who have done every conceivable sexual thing imaginable except have intercourse and yet pride themselves on being virgins.
"I think our society is very confused about it because there is such a wide range of attitudes and stances towards it," Dalley said. "Virginity gets its meaning from our society's definition of what sex is, and that is, sex equals having intercourse."
Oral sex or anal sex play into the definition of virginity, said Stephanie Sanders, associate director of The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University-Bloomington.
"If you do everything else, why does vaginal intercourse hold the key to virginity?" Sanders asked.
Most people would say that a person who had vaginal intercourse was not a virgin, she said. But people can be sexually active and have a variety of behaviors while never having vaginal sex.
In 1991, the institute conducted a survey among undergraduate students at a Midwestern university about sexual behavior, Sanders said. According to the study, 40 percent of the 600 respondents said that if people had oral sex, then they had had sex. Four out of five respondents also said that anal intercourse counted as sex.
What would be interesting, Sanders said, would be to conduct a survey on how people defined virginity. If a person did not have vaginal intercourse, but had anal or oral sex, would that person be considered a virgin?
"If you've had oral-genital sex with your partner, to still consider yourself a virgin is silly to some people," Sanders said. "There is a lot of ambivalence about this subject."
A view on virginity
"Virginity is part of a patriarchal mentality, because I think it has to do with controlling women," Dailey said.
Keeping a man's woman to himself and keeping his property pure for himself is the mentality that usually accompanies the definition of virginity, he said. The standard for virginity always seems to weigh heavier for women than for men.
Loss of virginity for men can equal rewards, achievement and recognition, while loss of virginity for women can result in labels, such as slut or whore, Dalley said.
Art by Joel Francke
"Losing it," a phrase which usually accompanies discussion about virginity, sometimes has a negative connotation, he said.
When a woman who is a virgin has sex on her marriage night, Dailey said that people generally did not run around talking about her losing her virginity. She just got laid, he said. But if she has sex with her fance six months before she got married,
Talking about it!
then she loses her virginity.
"Anything to do with sex is a great mystery," said Bob Berkowitz, whose talk show Real Personal on CNBC was canceled two weeks ago. "We're afraid of what people will think about us when it comes to sex."
Berkowitz said his show four years ago focused on relationships. Discussion soon turned to sex
and sexuality. At the time, Berkowitz said his show was the only one that talked about sex openly, and topics ranged from AIDS to virginity.
to some people, to 'give it up' is something that is negative," he said. "But if you 'lose it' too soon, that says something about character and morals."
Berkowitz said having ordinary people as guests talking about sex and virginity was a way to connect with the audience that was watching.
"Very few people want the whole world to know about their sexuality," he said. "Most people want to know how they stack up against their friends and neighbors."
Most people, by the time they get married, have had some sexual experience, Berkowitz said. At age 45, but not married, Berkowitz admitted that he wasn't a virgin. His first time was with a girlfriend in college when he was 18.
"I didn't know what the hell I was doing," he said.
"And she was one, too. But we got the hang of it real fast."
"I'm a Christian," said Erin Webb, Hutchinson freshman. "My youth group took a pledge three years ago to abstain from sex before marriage."
As part of the pledge, which included a ceremony at her church, Erin wears a silver purity ring to remind her of the vow she took to remain a virgin until marriage. On the day of her wedding, she will give that ring, which bears a key and a heart, to her husband.
"Your virginity is something special, and you can only give it away once," she said. "Since you can only give it once, you should save it for someone special."
Webb said she was proud of her decision, but she felt she was part of a shrinking minority. While all of her really close friends are virgins, Webb didn't think most of her classmates were.
"I don't think a lot of people have the same morals I do," she said. "Virginity is not important to them as it is to me."
Table 1 and Table 2
Losing her virginity at age 13 wasn't a big deal, said Kaela Weaver, Lawrence freshman, and she had no regrets about her decision.
"I was in love with him at the time, and I was happy about my decision," she said. "It was a new experience but not something I got worked up up about."
Weaver said the one thing that she has gotten worked up about is her wedding on Sunday. Her fiance, Richard, is the one with whom she lost her virginity.
"I don't think a lot of people end up marrying the person they lose their virginity to," she said. "They have sex with someone they're not in love with and that's the reason why you don't end up with them."
with the
There's no way to absolutely tell how many students are virgins and how many aren't, said Stephanie Sanders. The Kinsey Institute's 1991 survey was aimed at a random sample of heterosexual college students, and the findings aren't specific to college students in general. According to the study, 80 percent of the males and 73 percent of the females had experienced vaginal or anal intercourse. The average age at first vaginal intercourse was 17.2 years. But that doesn't mean most college students lost their virginity in high school.
"Some people don't meet a suitable person until college," she said. "When living at home, some would never take a chance at doing this kind of thing."
"Even if you look at this kind of thing, and get 70 to 80 percent for having had intercourse, one in four or five is not having sex yet," she said.
What is important to remember is that there's quite of bit of individual variation on whether or not people should lose their virginity, Sander said.
Berkowitz said he agreed that the decision to lose your virginity was up to the individual.
"It's OK either way, as long as it's consenting," he said. "Nobody should pressure you about making this kind of conscious adult decision."
Mercury Rev to Dangerous comedy
Review by Robert Moczydlowsky
Mercury Rev See You On The Other Side (Work). Longtime KJHK favorites Mercury Rev made an appearance at the Bottleneck with Hum not long ago, and those in attendance were treated to a well-played — and extremely loud — set of tunes from their latest album.
So thick was the feedback from their set that when notoriously fuzzy rockers Hum took the things actually
Iercury Rev
with hardly a moment of silence. Not until very near the end of the album is there a standard break between songs, and it is that connectedness that makes this disc
See You On The Other Side opens with the almost-orchestrated lushness of Empire State, and from there it moves in and out of the jazz and art-rock worlds
cleared up a bit. Thankfully, that kind of ear-splitting feedback isn't included on the album.
so appealing.
Too often bands write songs and hit singles instead of albums. Writing and focusing on individual songs is fine, as long as there are ten or eleven worthy songs on each disc. Recently, one or two good songs have been enough to make a record.
Just ask Gren, Better Than Ezra,
Deen Blue Something or Joan Os-borne. It is about time a band put the emphasis back on writing and recording an entire album.
But what Mercury Rev has done isn't for everybody. Putting the songs second in importance to the album is risky business. No hit songs means no radio airplay, and
that means slow record sales. Let's hope this disc survives on KJHK play and word of mouth long enough for it to open a few minds. Overall: 7, and climbing.
Marta Marta self-titled (I.R.S.). Two years ago Mazyz Star came along and made it a little easier for everybody to unwind during the evening. Now, in that same spirit, I.R.S. Records has released the latest album from Marta Marta.
After all, it turns my stomach to see Alain Morrisette lauded as the latest feminist torch-bearer in rock. I love to see women rockers laugh at the gender issue and render it insignificant.
Marta Marta are five women who respond to questions about their roles as women in rock with the quip, "We're a band made of five women for exactly the same reason that the Rolling Stones is a band of five guys."
This band has too much to say musically to be considered with questions about why there aren't any great women guitar players.
Sounds good to me.
The disc is full of songs you'd expect to hear from the back corner of your favorite
smoky bar or cabaret. The album is mixed without any frills, allowing the bands' complementary vocals and guitar solos to shine without a reverb or feedback disguise.
Try this disc out while talking long distance on the phone or when eating a meal by yourself. It's a guaranteed muscle relaxer. Overall: 7
Rodney Dangerfield La Contessa, A Humor Romance Novel (Dove Audio). As a big fan of stand-up comedy and off-color humor in general, it pains me to write this review.
La Contessa
But I have to be honest.
This disc stinks.
disc's live track, laughter from the audience blocks almost twenty seconds of Dangerfield's act.
The idea behind the album is that Dangerfield is a great lover and that now,
Not only does Dangerfield seem to have lost his once flawless comedic timing, the sound quality of this disc is only slightly better than my answering machine. The sound is so poor that at one point on the
years later, he's telling the kiss-and-tell story of his affair with La Contessa. What you get is a lewd and often sexist locker room-style brag session. Don't buy this, it's just not funny. Over-all: 1 (This disc gets a one by default. Dangerfield's a great comedian and he deserves a one so that he can have at least a little of the respect he've been cryin' about
for so long.）
You can reach Robert Mocdowsky at mozuckd@falon.cc.ukans.edu. Please send any demo tapes, 7* records or CDs to be reviewed to 111 Stauffer-Flint Hall, Lawrence, Kan. 60645
Page 6A
Tonight
Salty Iguanas with Nil Lara and Brother, p.m. at The Bottleneck, 737 New Hampshire St. Cost: $4-$5.
February 16, 1996
- Blues Jam with Bento & Friends, 10 p.m. at the Full Moon Cafe, 803 Massachusetts St. Free.
Tomorrow
— Shiner with Molly McGuire and Priss, 9 p.m. at The Bottleneck. Cost: $4-$45.
— The Band that Saved the World, 10 p.m. at the Full Moon Cafe. Free.
— Caribe, 9 p.m. at the Granada, 1020 Massachusetts St. Cost: $4-$5.
Sunday
— Simplexity, 9 p.m. at the Grand Emporium. Cover Charge.
Monday
- Irie Vibrations, 9.p.m. at The Bottleneck. Cost:
  $4.45
Open Mike night, 8 p.m. at The Bottleneck.
Free.
The Commitments, 9 p.m. at the Granada
Tuesday
— The Commitments, 9 p.m. at the Granada.
Advance Tickets: $10.
- Arthur Dodge with James Gruaerholtz and Alan Levine, 9 p.m. at The Bottleneck. Cost: $3-$4.
— Chucklehead with Chill Factor and Big Mouth, 9 p.m. at the Bottleneck. Cost: $3-$4.
Just-In-Case, 9 p.m. at the Granada. Cost:$3-$4.
*Wednesday*
— Blues Stew, 8 p.m. at Full Moon Cafe. Free.
— Seven Mary Three with Poe, 9 p.m. at the Granada. Advance Tickets: $8.
Thursday
Carol Dressler's Open Mike, 8 p.m. at the Full Moon Cafe. Free
Thursday
The Rentals with Elevator Drops, 9 p.m. at The Bottleneck. Advance Tickets: $7.
Humdrum & the Cat, 9 p.m. at Full Moon Cafe.
Free.