Shared Space
Old rules can make home not so sweet
Students heading home for winter break can't pack college's freedom in a suitcase
After tasting the freedom of college life, going home for the holidays can be unpalatable for many students.
"I'll miss being able to tolerate my parents," said Britton Kimler, Overland Park sophomore. "When I get around them all the time, I want to kill them."
While many KU students look forward to time off from classes, most who must live with their parents for the break expect a culture shock.
"It's harder because you become a lot more independent when you're at college," said Scott Henderson, Overland Park freshman. "You're not used to telling people where you're going. All of a sudden, you have rules forced upon you."
Most students think they will lose freedom when they stay with their parents again.
"My mom will be trying to monitor everything,"said Holly Rowland, Overland Park freshman."She'll be trying to regulate the things I eat and when I go to sleep."
Frank DeSalvo, director of counseling and psychological services for Watkins Memorial Health Center, said that the students who had more independence before going away to college would have an
"My family will be dropping hints like Don't you think you should go to bed now?" or 'Don't you think you need to help out around the house?' Rowland said.
Many students do not look forward to the added responsibilities at home.
"And I'll have to start picking up after myself again."
"I'll have to be home at a certain time, and Tll have to be tidy and not let my room turn into a dumpster," said Todd Dunbar, Wichita freshman.
"Everybody will be into my business because I'm the only grandchild,only niece and only child," she said. "Everybody will be trying to sit on me."
Dunbar said he would have to pull his own weight at home and that his parents would try to control him too much.
"It's their house, and they let me live
Rowland said that she would receive too much attention from family members when she went back home.
easier time coping with the change.
"Students who have been dictated by their parents are going to have much more to deal with." DeSalvo said.
there for free, so I can't complain too much," Dunbar said. "Yet since I've been away from them for a semester, it will make me less tolerant of their rules."
DeSalvo said that it was important for students to consider parents' rules and to try to comply with them to demonstrate responsibility. This, he said, would help students negotiate past or future problems.
"The key is planning early and thinking about what kinds of issues are going to be problems," DeSalvo said.
DeSalvo said that parents also must make changes. Dunbar's mother, Peg Dunbar, said she would loosen up on curfews and rules that had been imposed.
"I understand that it might be an uncomfortable situation for him," she said. "We can't tell him everything he can or cannot do, but we are the ones letting him live in our house so he will have to be aware of certain rules." Some students are looking forward to seeing their parents.
"I will be glad to see my family because I do not have the chance to see or talk to them very much," said Daniel Jaccard, São Paulo, Brazil, junior.
Returning home for the holidays still has benefits for students even if they don't look forward to seeing their family.
"I want to go back for my friends that I left behind," Rowland said.
Dunbar agreed.
"I will get to see all my friends, and I will get away from my roommate for a while," he said. "I guess there's a positive side to everything."
BY JACK BIRMINGHAM
.
Hill • December 6, 1995
Hawk Holidays